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-Nolan-

(Nov 12 Thurs)

I didn't take my brother for granted and I never will.

As excited as I was for him concerning his marriage to Kalani in December, and his baby coming next June or July as expected, it was hitting me that he was truly grown up. Our relationship as kids was stronger than steel and he always found a way to make me feel

worthwhile. I remembered when I was eight and he was sixteen. His friends would come over and he made me fit in despite the age difference.

Now it was time for Justin to go. Now he wouldn't be here as much. He was moving into a comfortable home with Kalani and before they knew it, they'd be married and caring for a child. I was very happy for him because of the new life he'd create, but I'd miss him too

much.

Seeing his room practically empty magnified the little hole in my heart. It was just too neat. I followed my brother down the stairs as he brought down the last suitcase and I saw Asher

at the door.

"I picked up Kalani," he explained to Justin. I just stood in the background and stared at him, temporarily taking my mind off of Justin's leave. Mom and Kalani were there as well, and

like me, Mom was holding herself together.

Justin hugged her and that triggered her tears. She squeezed him to herself and muttered words of love and care.

I saw Asher's eyes land on me and he smiled, making my heart melt. He had a look in his eyes that told me he was here for me. Two days ago, on Zion's birthday, he'd surprised me with a hug and promised he'd never forget my help. I really didn't even realize how much it meant until I saw the tears prickling his beautiful eyes when he let go of me. He felt so accomplished and happy to have been able to throw his son an actual party. To me, there was no greater feeling than seeing him and Zion happy.

"Nolan," I heard Justin call me name, pulling me out of my thoughts. He had walked up to me with wide arms and engulfed me in an embrace. I hugged him back tightly and sighed.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I whispered. He pulled away. "Try to find comfort in Asher. It won't seem too lonely if you do."

I nodded. "I will."

"Okay. And keep Mom company."

"Do I get to sleep over?" I asked.

"Hell yeah you're sleeping over." He chuckled. "I told Mom to try to find someone."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. I mean... soon you'll be out the house as well and she has to move on from Dad. I know she wants to, she just doesn't have the drive."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, we've got Rocky if anything. She's taken a liking to him already. Maybe we can get another dog."

"Good idea." Justin smiled and hugged me again. "I'll come to your Homecoming game tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye, Justin."

"Bye, Nolan. Love you, man."

"Just um... be careful on the road," I cautioned, rubbing my palms together nervously.

Justin held my arms and looked me straight in the eye. "We'll be safe, I promise you."

"I know, but..."

"Hey, hey. You know I'll be careful, especially now that K-baby is pregnant." He smirked, trying to reassure me.

I nodded, but he knew all too well that my constant fidgeting was a bad sign.

"Is he alright?" Kalani stepped forward and came closer, immense concern in her eyes.

"I'm fine. You guys should go." I tried to reassure them with a smile while burying the rising panic. I knew it wouldn't work. I'd tried every single time to battle my panic but it always

won.

"He needs to sit down," Asher said. Mom came and grabbed my arm gently, moving me over to the sofa. She sat on my right and Kalani on my left, placing hear head on my

shoulder. Justin squatted in front of me.

"I swear, I'm..." fine, I wanted to say, but one bad thought about Justin, Kalani, or Asher getting hurt on the road knocked the breath out of me.

"Baby, just breathe," Mom reminded me, rubbing my back. I clasped my hands together to control the shaking but it didn't help.

"In through your nose and out your mouth. Deep breaths," Justin guided. I tried to do what he said but with the way I was shaking, it was difficult. I shook my head.

"I can't, I can't." I leaned forward, lightheaded.

"He's not breathing," I heard Asher say in alarm. That consumed me with fear, and I felt myself reaching out to grasp whatever I could. I think he held my hand, and I wanted to look at him so bad. I couldn't. My vision was darkening and I could faintly hear Justin telling Kalani to call an ambulance.

I desperately held onto anyone's hands, I didn't care who it was. With the feeling that I was dying, I wanted some reassurance that someone was there for me. Then I blacked out.

**

I wasn't exactly used to it, but waking up at the hospital wasn't new to me. I saw a nurse, touching my forehead then she smiled.

"There we go."

"What happened?"

"Listen, you're fine now. I don't wanna overwhelm you, but you lost consciousness."

I pondered over her words. "I had a panic attack, didn't I?"

"It was quite severe, according to your mother."

I raised my head slightly. "Is she here?"

"Yes. You'll be allowed to go home in half an hour."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, thank you."

She smiled. "Alright. Let me bring your mom in." I watched her stand up and leave. In moments, Mom walked in through the door and rushed to me. She managed to hug me while I was laying there.

"Hi, Mom."

"Oh, sweetheart. I don't like you going through this." She pulled away.

"Why'd I faint?"

"You weren't breathing. The doctor had to evaluate you and said that you need to go back on your meds."

"But -"

"It's a different one, so don't worry. Panic attacks usually don't cause fainting, so something must be getting to you. I guess it's taking a toll on your body, love." She rubbed my hand.

"What were you thinking about when..." she tilted her head.

"Justin getting hurt. Kalani getting hurt. Her baby. Asher." I sighed. "I want Justin to move in with her, Mom. I do. So, it wasn't about him leaving, I promise."

"Okay."

"Did he go already?"

"He wanted to wait a couple more days. Just to make sure you were okay."

"I am."

"Yeah, but you know your brother. He has to see you alive and well before he's convinced. Asher was here, but he said he had to go pick up his son." Mom gave me a weird look. "I never knew he was a dad."

"Oh... right."

"You knew?"

I nodded. "Yeah, his name's Zion. He's just four and... the absolute sweetest."

"I'll bet. Hm... sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing letting you be with Asher. Especially now that he has a son, but I realized... what even is right, you know? If you like him, you like him."

I chuckled. "I should think like that."

She giggled. "Why?"

"Because," I sighed, "you know how I wanted to give him space? It was because I felt intimidated. I mean, I did want him to focus on himself and Zion, but I also felt a little less than nothing. I thought I had nothing to offer, and that he was wasting his time with me instead of finding someone who can actually... give him happiness and a family."

"I think you give him happiness."

"I... I hope so. But what could become of us, Mom? I'll be in college soon."

"There's no way to guarantee you'll become something greater, Nolan. But there's no guarantee that you won't either. Sometime you just have to follow what's true, not right."

"What is right?" I repeated her words, laughing quietly to myself. She brushed my sandy blonde hair out of my face.

"Exactly."

"Mom?"

"Yes, love?"

"Should I tell Asher that I... I love him?"

She smirked. "Well, if you think it's time."

"I... I think it is."

**

(Nov 13 Fri)

It was the night of the Homecoming game. It was always an exhilarating experience but slightly less exciting because Jace wasn't on our team anymore. He did come here with

Shane to watch me play, and to root for his old team mates.

I knew that Asher had come as well especially since he didn't get the chance to see me again yesterday. As for Justin's move, I had to practically force him out the house to convince him I was okay here without him around all the time. He was so concerned for me but decided to go through with moving in. He, Mom, and Kalani were here to support me as they promised.

"I saw your man in the stands, bubble butt," Tyler said, holding my helmet out to me. I smiled and took it from him. "I'm glad you decided to talk to him again."

"Thanks for all your help."

"So, have you asked him his favorite color? Was I right?"

I blushed and nodded. "Yeah."

He squinted. "There is something prominent in your eyes..." he stepped incredibly closer to me just to stare into my blue eyes. I raised an eyebrow as he searched my face, looking for an

answer to something. "Ah! Got it!" he stepped back and crossed his arms with an accusing smirk. "You are in love. And not with Shane Cooper either."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you always do that to read people's minds, Mr. Love Expert?" I asked.

"I did that to Darren last night."

"Oh, and what'd you find?"

"He totally wants to f*ck after our win tonight."

I grimaced. "Easy, tiger."

"I mean, of course I'm gonna say yes but like, I don't wanna bottom this time."

I laughed at him. "You? Top?" I underestimated.

He dropped his arms at his sides. "Don't think I can do it?"

"I do, it's just... you're very feminine."

He gasped. "I play football!"

"You're a lot stronger than you look, that's for sure. But you're smaller than Darren."

He blushed. "What's that supposed to mean? You've seen his hotdog before?" he accused.

My eyes widened. "What? No!" I shook my head. "I meant, your build. You have a smaller build. Like, body structure."

"Oh. Ugh. Well, if you'll excuse me, my boyfriend's changing and I'm gonna give him a bj."

"Ew, in the locker room?"

"The boys will understand." He turned and disappeared behind a row of lockers where Darren probably was.

"You'll drain the energy he needs for the game!" I called out to Tyler. He popped his head around the corner.

"He's a teenaged boy with raging hormones; trust me, he'll regain it."

Then he left and I shook my head, chuckling.

*Asher's POV*

I sat on the bleachers with my child on my lap. I felt slightly uncomfortable because I didn't fit in here, especially with my baby. But I reminded myself that I was here for one person only: Nolan, and that calmed my nerves. I had met his friends before but I didn't know them well. I saw two of them, holding hands and approaching me.

I recognized one. His ex.

"Asher, right?" he asked, sitting in the step in front of me. I nodded.

"You may or may not remember me, but I'm Shane. This is my boyfriend, Jace."

Jace nodded at me with a happy smile and to be honest, I wondered why Nolan fell for Shane and not Jace. In my opinion, Jace was the better-looking one. But I didn't have eyes

for him or anyone else.

"You have a baby?" Jace asked with wide eyes, staring at a sleeping Zion.

"Yeah, he turned four a few days ago."

"He's adorable," Shane complimented.

"You make me want a child now," Jace joked. "Nolan knows right?"

"Definitely. I wouldn't hide it even if I could. Zion's grown on him, I guess."

I guessed Zion felt the slight vibration of my chest as I talked because he began to stir. He tightened his arms around me and whined sleepily.

I stroked his hair.

"The game's starting," Shane announced.

Jace sighed. "I miss these days. Remember last Homecoming game?" He smiled at Shane.

"You kissed me in the stands."

"And your fan girls." Jace laughed. "Elly was taking loads of pictures." He turned to me. "Nolan hasn't exactly had spectacular things happen to him these past few years. I think you're one of the best things that's ever happened to him."

I stared at him. "Thank you," I appreciated.

"No. Thank you. If you hadn't shown up, I would've really screwed things up even further. I just wanted to look out for him."

I smiled as Zion woke up. He stretched in my lap and looked around him as he always did upon waking up. His eyes landed on Shane and Jace and it turned into a staring contest in which he was obviously winning.

"Z, it's not nice to stare," I reminded.

He shifted closer to me, burying his head in my chest and giving a small cry. "He's shy," I explained, patting his back. Jace chuckled.

"There's Nolan," Shane told us, pointing.

"We're at a game, angel," I said to my son. He looked up at me with huge eyes.

"Soccer?" he asked. If there was anything he lived for besides Mickey Mouse, it was soccer.

"Football," I corrected. "Nolan's playing."

"Lolan!" He straightened up and turned to look at the field. "Daddy, I really love Lolan because he's my bestest friend in the whole wide entire wide whole world! Besides Jonah."

I laughed quietly and smiled at him. "I really love him, too."

******

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