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*Shane's POV*

"You're an idiot, do you know that?" I asked Jace once I dropped him off home. Gwen had lazily dragged herself to her room, whining about how bad her stomach hurt.

"Shane, I'm so sorry."

I heaved a sigh and crossed my arms. "A party, Jace. Really?"

"It was the first thing that came to my mind, and I just - I saw how nervous and

scared and... sad he looked and..." Jace shook his head. "I'm just sorry."

"So what do I do now? Paint a smile on my face and pretend everything's fine at school tomorrow when clearly, he knows I want to be with you? No, seriously. Tell me, Jace, because you seem to be so full of great ideas. Selfish ones, but great fucking ideas!"

He flinched at that. I looked at him expectantly, and he held my gaze for a few moments before breaking down.

"I'm sorry... for not putting you first. For not thinking about your feelings, Shane,

I..." He buried his face in his hands, wanting to hide his emotions from me.

I guessed his brain started working then, and he realized that he shouldn't hide his emotions from me. If crying in front of me - and letting me see it - proved his

sincerity, he would do that. He removed his hands from his face, and it tugged at

my heart to see his tears.

"I don't think I've ever put you first. Not even when we were dating. Because you

were so depressed and -" I wiped my eyes. "And I still hurt you... I'm sorry."

I walked over to him and embraced him. "That's enough, love. Don't cry." I

rubbed his back and gently pressed his head to my neck and shoulder in an effort to console him. "I'm gonna lay down with you. I'll leave early so I won't be late for school."

He was too choked up to speak, so he nodded and let me lead him upstairs to his room. He went straight to his bed and sat down on it with a somber demeanor. I sighed.

"Jace, it's okay."

"No it's not. It's all my fault."

"Whether it is or isn't, I'm taking the blame remember? And I shouldn't have raised my voice at you." I held his chin. "Jace, I love you, and I'm still very, very much in love with you. Nothing's gonna change the way I feel."

"I love you, too."

I kissed his cheek. "Let's get some sleep."

"I don't feel like changing."

I didn't say a word, I just stood up and grabbed his shirt. A tiny smile crossed his

face and he let me pull it over his head. "We're doing this again?"

I smirked then winked. "Don't worry. I'll remove your boxers this time."

I could tell that his heart skipped either a beat or a thousand at my words. He

stood up as well and I took that opportunity to wipe his tears.

"I'll be honest with you, Jace. There is no way I'm gonna sleep next to you and not want you the entire time."

"So what're you saying?"

I didn't reply. I held his waist and pulled him against my body and kissed him right on the lips, an action we hadn't performed in a year. It was amazing how just a simple kiss was so blissful. It'd been forever.

He pulled my shirt over my head and resumed the kiss. I didn't hesitate to touch him, because I loved Jace. And he loved me. There was no way we weren't going to do this. I messed with his belt a little, unbuckling it and shoving his pants down along with his boxers.

"Wait." I pulled out of the heated kiss to go lock the door then came back to me. "I hope you have lube, baby." With that, I pressed my lips to his and he stepped out of his clothes. In seconds, we were both naked and on his bed, passionately making out. I stayed on top of him, touching him in familiar places.

"I love you," he whispered. "This feels so right."

"Because it is."

I didn't know how long it was, basically because I didn't spend the entire time staring at his alarm clock. I just knew that he moaned forever that night, through the pain and the bliss. After an eternity of love making, I was drained. So I held his drowsy, spent form in my arms, and he dozed off in no time. I was happy to watch him sleep for a few seconds before passing out myself.

***

I wished I could have skipped school. I mean, it was only the first day. It wasn't like we were going to have any big projects, and I didn't have that much friends to see. Though nobody talked about me that much anymore - because I'd gotten

over my depression - I still hated almost everyone at that school.

I wanted to stay in bed with Jace. I wanted to hold him all day long and just talk to him. I hadn't wanted to wake him up, but I couldn't just leave without him

knowing. And to be honest, a note wouldn't do. I wanted to at least hear his sleepy voice and let him know I had to drive back to Raleigh.

He groaned and begged me to stay, but I kissed his forehead and told him to get more sleep. He didn't protest, waving me off lazily before sleeping again. Clearly, his cozy bed was much more important.  I chuckled at that. I loved him so much.

By the time I got home, I barely had time left, so I just decided to be late. I took a shower, brushed my teeth and dressed up, before grabbing an apple on my way

to my car. I had to stop at the gas station first, then I was on my way.

My stomach turned as I spotted my school. All I could think of was Nolan, and of course I felt awful. Jace told me that he had walked home last night, which

caught me by surprise. I did call, but he didn't answer. Nolan getting angry or holding a grudge was a rare thing, so I was hoping something else didn't happen. So for me not to call again this morning was a bit foolish of me - whether we were dating or not.

I slung my book bag over my shoulder and walked into the school. The first thing I saw upon entering was a huge banner that targeted the freshman audience. On it read:

WELCOME CLASS OF 2019.

I grimaced. I forgot about the fact that there was an entire new grade of kids. I wonder who I'd meet. Would some ninth grade girl have a crush on a senior guy

like me and cry when she found out I was gay? I laughed silently at that.

The bell rang and I checked the time to see that first period ended. I really was mad late. Students bustled out of their classrooms, quickly meeting up with their friends or significant others.

It didn't take long before I saw Nolan walking with Elly, but they hadn't seen me. They were having a conversation, one that didn't look too serious but important nonetheless.

I saw Elly's eyes widen and she faced Nolan. Putting her hand on his shoulder, she said something to him carefully, as if there was something to be afraid of. That stirred my curiosity, and I walked over to them.

"Hey, guys," I greeted them, feeling a bit awkward. Elly spun around to look at me, and Nolan just stared.

"Oh, hi, Shane. Um... we didn't see you earlier," my cousin informed.

"Yeah, I was late," I explained. "Listen, can I talk to Nolan?"

I saw him look away, and I could tell Elly was searching for an excuse to refuse me. She finally gave a worried sigh.

"Of course. I'll see you around, Nolan." She smiled and turned down the corner.

Nolan stepped closer to me.

"I'm sorry I left -" he began, still not meeting my gaze.

"No, no. Please. You did no wrong. I did try to call you though. I thought something had happened when you didn't pick up."

He heaved a sigh. "So, um... I didn't get to ask my mom about the party, but..."

I shook my head. "Forget about that, Nolan. There is no party."

We were silent for what felt like eternity. I wanted to say something but didn't know what. Luckily, he broke the silence.

"We should ... we have to end this," he shakily stated.

"I never meant for you to get hurt," I took over. "Nolan, it's true that I love you. You know that I only say that when I mean it and I do."

"But Jace is your one and only, Shane, I get it. You two were made for each other and I'm not blind to that. I knew this was coming." He nodded and I saw

him smile a little. "Jace can be dumb sometimes. I told him this wasn't a good idea."

"Yeah, and someone getting hurt is never a good thing. I'm sorry."

"Um, I... I love you, too. It just wasn't meant to be."

"Hey, don't put yourself down, Nolan. You have the most amazing heart ever. Someone is going to fall madly in love with you before you know it. It just has to be the right person. You'll have someone to call yours, and only yours." I pulled him in for a hug.

He let out a breath, as if he was about to cry. "Shane, I have to tell you something."

I let him go, and he still wouldn't look at me. I tried to nudge his chin up, but he closed his eyes.

"What is it?" I queried, thinking about how frightened Elly had looked.

"It... it was an accident, I promise." He reopened his eyes, and I saw that his pupils were dilated. It was so easy to tell, considering he had bright blue eyes. I slowly shook my head.

"Nolan, what happened?" I firmly inquired, now worried beyond measure.

"I had another panic attack - it wasn't about what happened, I swear. I shouldn't have walked home. I was alone and... I don't know, when I got home, I just

started freaking out. I didn't get much sleep, so I thought maybe I could take a sleeping pill... or two..." he rubbed his forehead. "Or three..."

"Shit, Nolan." My eyebrows pulled together.

"Then I remembered I forgot to take my meds..." He tried to step closer but he sucked in a breath, getting lightheaded and losing his balance momentarily.

"Dammit, Nolan, you mixed drugs and overdosed!" I reached out to him and caught him right before he went limp.

*******

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