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UNEDITED

So before this starts let's take a trip back to forty one in which Ashley handed Clara a black box which she found in Jake's room. Then let's go back to chapter nineteen in which Clara and Jake are fighting right after he was drunk in school and got into a fight with Kevin. And also the part where Clara hid under Jake's bed and found a black book in Jake's room.

And just an FYI back then she didn't know about what had really gone on in camp which is basically she didn't know about the video and why Jake did what he did.

This chapter is 170 pages on my Itouch.

P.S: I suck at writing the POV of a fourteen year old boy.

Why would they go to such elaborate lengths to lie to me?

Why couldn't they-

And then it clicks into place all of it. They didn't tell me because my grandmother didn't want me to know.

She didn't want me to know.

Why?

She was sick. She had cancer and I knew in my gut that it was bad. It was terrible, but I had  been too damn blind and self involved to notice it.

You're going to have to tell her at some point, she's going to hate you for not telling her.

The day Michella had come back, that's what Michella had said and if I had been paying attention, if I had just been listening instead of....

And Jake. Jake knew about it too. But he didn't tell me. Instead he..

Instead he lied. Lied, so that I would hate him, so that I would hate Michella so that I would stay here. And I....

Oh god what did I do?

No. No

This wasn't true. This can't be true. This wasn't happening. This can't be happening.

My grandmother, Jake, my sister, oh god.

I don't know how I ended up on the floor, my knees must have buckled underneath me. I couldn't breathe as everything from today crashed over me each dragging crushing a different part of me until I had nothing left.

I would take the lie that Jake was the one who got Michella got pregnant over the fact that my grandmother was sick any day of the damn week.

And they knew it. They both knew it. And that's why they had done it.

Because my grandmother wasn't going to tell me. Of course she wouldn't.

Why would she? She had seen my reaction to Jake and Alec's accident.

She didn't tell me.

She didn't tell me because she didn't think I could handle it.

And I probably couldn't.

But didn't she think that I at least deserved to know it?

Didn't she ever think that I at least deserved the opportunity to try to handle it? To be there for her?

I was leaving because I didn't know any better but if they had told me, trusted me enough to make the right decision I would have stayed in a heartbeat.

But they didn't.

Instead Michella made sure to tell me the one thing that would make sure I was going to stay here.

And Jake had made sure to go along with it, to drive it in so I wouldn't leave my grandmother.

And in turn I had returned the favour by slamming his mistakes on his face and calling him a monster and comparing him to his father.

I stare at my computer blankly looking at the screen. And then I'm on my feet grabbing the laptop with one hand running up the stairs.

I throw open the door to Michella's room not giving a damn if she was asleep.

I needed her to tell me that this wasn't true. That I was wrong.  That I was so utterly wrong about all of this. That this was all a huge misunderstanding and I was overreacting.

Yes, that's exactly what I needed to hear. That's exactly what she would tell me, that I was being a drama queen who was just making a big deal out of everything. That none of this was true.

None of this was really happening.

But one glance around the room is enough to break whatever is left of my false hope.

Because the room was empty.

The room was empty in every sense of the word, her walk in closet door thrown wide open with not a single article of clothing inside, her furniture draped hastily with cloth and her bed perfectly made.

Nothing was out of place. It was like Michella had never been here in the first place.

Now way.

She couldn't have gone.

She couldn't have just left. Not now.

I look hopelessly praying to find something, anything that would tell me that she was still here. That wasn't really gone.

But the room was empty. It was painfully and utterly empty. There was nothing in the room it was-

I don't know it happens but the laptop in my hand is flying across the room as I throw it with all my might. It explodes into a million pieces as it shatters against the wall next to the bureau.

I breathe heavily and my hands are shaking terribly but there is something oddly satisfying about seeing something break so suddenly and violently and it's even more satisfying to see something shatter into pieces that wasn't me.

Maybe I was acting like someone who was currently having a mental breakdown but I deserved to have one. I deserved to throw things around. I deserved to act like a mess.

Although the laptop had made a pretty big bang no one comes rushing. Michella's room is huge, it's entire length draped with a thick black carpet. It was also furthest away from my grandmothers bedroom which meant that I could have my psychotic break in peace without waking anyone up.

I wasn't ready to face my grandmother. I don't think I would ever be able to face her.

My hand reaches for the beautiful white ceramic lamp that was set on Michella's bedside table. It was a pretty lamp, extremely delicate with tiny daffodils drawn on its base.

And then it's flying across the room just like my laptop before it shatters in contact with the wall.

I look around the room desperately searching for something else to throw when my eye catches unto a black box neatly set on top of her bureau with a post it stuck on top.

Found this lying shoved in a cabinet somewhere. Thought I should remind you that you still haven't opened it.

I'm sorry. You'll get it eventually. Until then hate me all you want.

-Michella

I stare at it blankly trying to comprehend what was placed in front of me.

It was a box.

It was a gift.

It was something I had forgotten.

It was wrapped neatly in black paper. It didn't look like anything special but it was.

It was the gift Ashley had handed over to me on my birthday when she found it lying around in Jake's room addressed to me.

It was just a plain black box and yet seeing it was like someone had taken a sledgehammer and hit me with it.

Because it wasn't about the box or who had given it to me. It was about how I had forgotten about it.

How I had never opened it.

Jake's gift.

Jake. Jake.

His name is like a prayer on my lips and I'm already sprinting downstairs, barefoot with the box in my hand.

I'm out on my driveway before I know it but I can't get myself to take a step forward after that.

The huge house was dark and I knew just by looking at it he wasn't there. That he was long gone, and that he'd never be coming back.

In the end all of this picking choosing had been so pointless. Because it ended with me losing them both. Me losing a boy who I had never really known in the first place and a boy who I never had a shot with.

It was all so pointless. It was all so dumb.

I wish it just hadn't taken me this long to give up, to let go, to realise all of this because then I would have been able to minimise the damage. So that I wouldn't blow everything in my life to bits because of my inability to let go, to stop feeling so sorry for myself all the time.

Everybody had lied to me but it was me who had repeated the biggest lie of all and forced myself to believe it even when I knew the truth, the cold harsh truth that I was too much of a coward to face.

And because of that lie that I had kept on repeating,  I had broken the hearts of the people who had mattered. I had pushed them so far away that there was no way I would get them back and I'd pushed them away in way that I didn't deserve to get them back.

Because of that lie I couldn't see what was in front of me. What was staring me right in the face.

All the going to bed early, staying in her room and barely coming out, if I had just been smarter and less selfish I would have seen it.

But instead I hadn't.

Instead I had fucked up my life royally by officially losing everybody who remotely mattered.

I wasn't even heartbroken anymore, it was because I realised that at that moment what hit me the hardest was probably the fact that I had no one to go to. No one's shoulder to cry to, no one to tell me that it was going to be okay.

There was absolutely no one.

And what could I do? Wake my grandmother and demand as to why she lied to me? The one person who I thought I would always have, the one person who I could trust no matter what.

It's a hole I'd dug for myself by being a terrible selfish human being who couldn't look past her own problems.

And to be honest I couldn't see a way out of it.

I think I must have sat on the curb and stayed there in the cold with my head buried in my knees for what must have been hours because the next thing I knew it was morning and the sun was out its light shining unnaturally bright.

No wait it wasn't morning. Those were headlights.

The car stopped in front of me and although it looked familiar for the life of me I couldn't figure out who was in it.

Until she rolled down the window.

"You know pneumonia is probably the most pathetic way to die right?" Natalie commented,"You can do so much better. Or you could have just asked me."

I stare at her gape mouthed and squinting at the girl in front of me.

"Do I want to ask you what you're doing out here on the curb, crying pathetically?" She says and then glances at the house behind me and her mouth forms an O.

"So you chose the ice prince in the end, didn't you?" She says,"Shocking though I always thought that you'd chose Alec the knight."

"He not a knight." I manage to bite out.

"Yes we all knew that." Natalie says,"Never thought you'd catch on though."

"Why are you even here?" I say.

"I'm just coming back from a rather interesting conversation with someone." She says,"True it ran a little late but  then again it did start with her punching me in the face."

I don't respond because I stopped listening ages ago. It's then I realise just how cold I am and the fact that I had been shaking all over and I hadn't even realised it yet.

"Why are you siting out here in the curb?" She asks.

"Because I can't go back in my house." I manage to respond,"I just can't."

Something flashes in her eyes and she gives a tiny shrug,"You can come to my house you know? If it's really that bad."

My mouth drops open in shock.

"I'm not going to kill you or anything." She says,"But then again it's your choice. Pneumonia or me. Although I may be a bitch I'm not going to kill you."

"Why would you help me?" I say,"You owe me nothing."

"That's true" She says,"But I owe someone who genuinely cares about you."

I snort,"There is a shortage of those people currently."

"You'd be surprised. Get in the car." She says,"Take it as me trying to be nice."

I look at her,"You don't have to be nice to me."

She sighs,"Okay look. I know what it's like to hit rock bottom. And I get it whatever you're going through must be terrible. Now I can't do anything about that but at least I can stop you from giving up."

"Giving up is for losers." She says,"Don't just give up. It means I was right about you all along."

"You were right about me all along."

"No I wasn't." She says,"Plus the fact if you give up that means I was taken down by an absolute loser and my ego can't handle that. So get in the car."

And for some reason that gets me to stand up. I open the door to her car and I get inside immediately grateful for the warmth.

Natalie doesn't say anything she simply rolls her windows up and slides the car down the lane.

Although the ride is less than a minute long since she lives right down the lane, it's painfully awkward.

My mind is a blank unable to keep up with everything that's happened in the last hour and I've retreated into numbness and as we get out of the car I start to contemplate wether this was all some twisted dream.

Natalie bends down and moves a potted plant on her porch to reveal a key.

She takes it and opens the door to her house and then in turn he gently shuts the door behind me after we enter in.

"You know where the guest rooms are." She says,"Pick one and I'll get you something that doesn't have grass stains on it to sleep in."

And just like that she disappears up the stairs.

It's true I know the way to the guest room. As kids we used I have tons of sleep overs here which is why I had this place memorised.

I find the rooms easily enough and pick the first one I see. It's relatively small but it's got everything.

An LED TV, a small couch a table with a computer on it and of course a bed.

It's then that I realise that I'm still holding the gift in my hand, my knuckles white from holding it so hard.

For a second I think of doing it again. Putting it out of sight and do my best to forget about it but I decide against it.

I was tired of running away and hiding my problems.

I unwrap it carefully to see that there were exactly were two things in it, a plain black spiralbound book and a pen drive.

The pendrive was marked with a large number one followed by the book which had a large two on top.

The book I recognise as the one I had seen in Jake's room all those months back just lying on his desk.

"Here you go." Natalie enters the room holding tshirt and sweatpants.

With a start I realise they were mine. They were mine from all those years ago when I used to come here so often that there was an extra set of clothes just lying here.

"I saved those for a museum." She says,"Proof that people could have a fashion sense that bad. Who knew it would actually get used one day."

I look at her too shocked to actually say anything until she asks,"Is that what was in the box?"

I nod.

"Can I use the computer?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Sure." She says and turns to leave when I blurt out.

"Thank you." I say,"You didn't have to do this I know you hate me."

She turns around for just a moment,"I strongly dislike you Clara. Probably will always strongly dislike you. But I don't hate you anymore."

And with that she leaves.

I stare after her unable to string together the jumble of words in my mind to form one coherent thought.

My gaze falls to the pen drive and book in my hand and for a second I'm to scared to do anything. To open the book, to plug in the pendrive.

But the next moment I'm already in front of the computer connecting the pen drive to it.

It has two videos labelled one and two.The first video has Jake on the screen looking sheepishly towards the camera and my heart painfully twists in my chest.

I can't make out what the other one is exactly so I click the first one.

"Hi." He says looking nervously into the camera. Jake is siting in his room his back to his messy bookshelf his hair half wet. He's got a small bruise forming underneath his chin and I unconsciously reach for the screen before pulling my hand back when I realise what I'm doing.

There is a date at the bottom of the screen which shows that it's mid November of last year. With a start I realise that it's the day after we kissed in the lake. The day he got into the fight with Kevin in school.

And yet I was just seeing it now.

"So this probably the worst idea I've had in a while but I've decided to go through with." He smiles a little and then says,"So you just left my room a few minutes back, granted we didn't exactly meet since you were hiding underneath my bed hoping to God that I didn't see you."

I turn red at that memory.

"But I did." He says,"It's become kind of impossible for me not to notice you."

He winces,"Shit I sound like such a creep."

"I'm hoping to give this to you right away. Apologise to you for being such a dick in the morning. Apologise for getting drunk and picking a fight at school and apologise for lying to you. Basically apologising for being such an overall asshole."

"But let's face it. When it comes to you I have no balls whatsoever. Even now I feel like I'm a fourteen year old boy with a crush on the super smart girl who is too good for me."

"You've always been too good for me, Car." He says,"But I'm selfish that way. I don't care if you deserve far better than me, it doesn't stop me from wanting you."

"So I'm doing this like a coward by recording this entire thing because if I actually do this face to face I'm going to become a nervous wreck and it's not going to be pretty."

He pauses for a second.

"Nah let's face it I'm going to be adorable either way."He says,"I'm mostly doing because there is the very large chance of you impaling me with your stilettos and trust me you stepping on me with them was enough. Besides-" he stops and points to his face,"This is far to pretty to be damaged."

I laugh out loud rolling my eyes and in the video he grins.

"You're probably rolling your eyes right now but hey, we both know it's true."

Keep telling yourself that.

"So if you haven't figured it out yet, this entire let's fake date so that you can make Alec jealous is a sham." He says,"As smart as you can be sometimes Clara I swear to god you can be so damn dumb about these things."

He snorts,"Seriously Clara, Natalie Anderson? It was laughable that you think I like her. I'm sure she's a nice person somewhere very very deep inside but she is not my type."

"Lately I've realised that my type is basically narrowed down to smart unpredictable blondes with greyish blue eyes and absolutely no sense of balance." He says,"Till now I've only found one of her though."

"Unfortunately though she's in love with Alec Evans. The douchebag with the attitude problem, really? You can do better. Maybe better doesn't cover me, but it's certainly not him either. And over my dead body I'm actually going to help you get him."

"I'm not going to lie. When I saw my opportunity that night  I kind of jumped at it." He sighs,"It was selfish, it was stupid and probably an even worse decision than apologising to you over a video but I couldn't help myself. I saw this entire fake dating thing as a sort of way to.. I don't know win you over. I agree it was stupid.  I mean I should have just manned up and told you the truth.I mean how hard could it have been? Clara Wilson,I like you, Alec is a douchebag and I've had a crush on you since I was fourteen. That's all I had to say."

"But I couldn't. Because when it comes to you I don't know how you will react. I can't read you. You're absolutely unpredictable and it's fucking terrifying." He says,"But I'm pretty sure you hated me up till now which is kind of understandable considering how badly I fucked up in camp."

"But yesterday at the lake." He takes in a sharp breath,"You kissed me back."

He grins cheekily,"I know I'm an amazing kisser, so I don't blame you but-" he falters for a second before saying,"Maybe it means that you don't like Alec Evans as much as you think you do Clara."

"And since I'm a terrible person I'm going to take full advantage of that and try to win you over with this very crappy video with extremely cheesy lines and my amazingly good looks."

He stops for a minute as if he's realised what's he's just said and he groans,"Yeah my plan is starting to look even worse now."

"Ashley seems extremely excited though." He says,"She seems to be thoroughly enjoying the fact that I'm acting like a total cheese ball. It was her idea in the first place so blame her."

"I want to give this video to you as soon as possible but first I need to make sure that you don't throw this back at me." He says,"So I'm going to give this back to you."

He holds up my diary from camp, the one he had stolen, the one all about Alec.

"And hopefully you'll stop hating me."

"Maybe by the time I finally give this video to you, you'll know everything." He says,"You'll know just what a terrible person I am. And if you're still siting in front of the screen despite knowing everything then I was right."

He pauses and grins,"Then I was right about the fact that you are absolutely fucking mental. But if you don't know it yet..." His smiles fades,"Well that's for later. I need to apologise for one thing at a time."

"So let's start with my fuck up in camp." He says,"I should have told you the truth that day itself but in order to cover it up I just screwed everything up even more."

"But I owe you this explanation." He says,"I owe you to tell you the truth. All of it. And I'm sorry for not telling you all of this before."

"So if you haven't noticed it yet there is a book with this." He says,"It's the rambling of a fourteen year old boy with pathetic handwriting but it's fair isn't it? I took your diary so it's only fair I give you mine. But let's be clear."

"This is so not a diary." He says looking a bit embarrassed,"I'm so much cooler than that. Think of it as a play book? Like Barney's Playbook? Yeah that sounds much cooler than the journal my shrink made me write because he thought I was severely depressed after Millie's death."

"But this book isn't about all the girls I've messed around with." He says,"It's only about you. The entire book is about you and I hadn't realised it all those years back but i now realise it's the reason I actually kept it."

"And it's the best way I can explain what happened in camp." He says,"It's the only way I can explain."

"There is another video with this if you've noticed." He says,"You don't know about it yet but it's a video of you during the night of the party. It's the thing I've been so afraid to tell you."

"It will be far clearer if you read the book before seeing it." He stops as if he's unsure what he's going to say.

In the end he simply sighs,"I'm sorry Clara. I really am."

And the screen goes black.

I stare at the screen my hands on my mouth. I think I'm crying I'm not sure but I don't give myself time to find out because I'm already reaching for the book and opening it.

The first page has Poetry written in big bold words and below that

Roses are red,

Violets are blue-

It cuts off in between and I flip over to the next page where the writing starts.

This what it has come to, having a diary. What kind of fourteen year old boy has a diary? But that's the deal with my shrink, a month writing in the diary and I would never have to see him again.

Thank the fucking gods.

I'll admit it I titled it as poetry too make myself sound cooler. After all I rather pretend to be Shakespeare writing some crap with metaphors that rhyme than the guy with the diary. But then I realised I can't rhyme for shit.But it's much better than writing about my feelings like my shrink asked me too.

I don't think he gets it that I have none.

He obviously did his job by telling me a bunch of crap by saying how everyone has feelings and how I was just very good at pretending to be indifferent and it was time to come to terms with my emotions.

I asked Dr Saunders if he would like me to braid his hair and start doodling Mrs Edward Cullen on my diary too.

He said sarcasm was the lowest form of witt. I told him I wasn't being sarcastic. 

But none the less here I am. Writing about my feelings and I'm already starting to get annoyed.

He said to start writing about something that I feel strongly about. Well I do feel strongly about not writing this stupid diary or journal or whatever the hell he wants to call it. Either way it's absolutely fucking lame.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of witt,  what bullshit. He just needs to get laid.

That's definitely what I strongly feel.

He suggested I write about Millie. If Millie was here what she would do.

Well she would grab the stupid book by its binding chew on it and throw it in the fireplace just like any good dog would do.

And then I could always say that the dog ate my homework and then I would have a legit excuse to get out of this.

She would probably give me her famous sad face every night in order to attempt to convince me to watch Marley and Me with her for the billionth time even though I absolutely hate the movie.

I swear she's got a crush on the fictional dog. And she has sorry had this habit of giving my LED a good lick everytime Marley came on the screen which meant I got stuck watching my dog quite literally smooching another one in front of my eyes.

For the entire fucking movie. 

No owner should have to go through that.

But Millie isn't here.

That's the entire point.

Now he says I should write about my family. What we do together and what we have in common.

What we have in common:

Our last name is Henderson.

That's it. Well except Millie. Despite the fact the she's a dog I think we've got the same distaste for my father in common.

Sorry had.

What we do together:

Hate eachother.

But since the shrink is reporting back to my dad I might as well get this over with.

So what I feel strongly about.

Well it's actually easier than I thought to zero in on a topic.

Clara Wilson.

Now I'm pretty sure as the shrink next question is going to be who she is. And since I like the silent brooding thing I'm doing I'll just write the answer.

She's a girl.

Yes, my description skills are unparalleled.

But it's as accurately as I can describe her she's a girl. Not a girl.

Because to be honest I've never seen anyone quite like her and I don't think even if I'm not found dead in a ditch somewhere around the next year and actually live a long life I'll actually get to see anyone like her.

And that would have been okay with me, the girl needs more help than I do and that's saying something but now I don't think there is anything worse than not seeing her again.

Fuck I sound like one of those idiots on one of mom's soap operas. But shrinkie should be happy, at least I don't sound detached and cold now,  do I?

Clara Wilson.

The first time I really saw her, I wasn't paying attention. Which was stupid as hell considering that in the coming few weeks she'd probably be the only reason I didn't burn the camp down out of utter boredom.

But it's true.  I didn't.

Not even a little bit. She was just there. Maybe I would have payed more attention had I not seen her sister first, the typical big blonde with higher heels  and absolutely no substance. It was a rather crap stereotype but it was something I hadn't seen an exception to, to know otherwise. I lost interest almost instantly and didn't even bother to check if the other one was different.

In fact if I'm being honest I didn't even know her name until the day dad put his foot down about camp and I was alone with her in the car.

I don't know back then what exactly he hoped to achieve exiling me to a camp which was just about as boring as it sounded.

He gave the reason I don't play with others and I needed to be put back in line. My mom's coddling had been over the top and I needed to learn the consequences. Mom obviously said yes, she could do nothing else. She never has been able to when it comes to my dad. So she said it would be much better if I got out of the house considering the fact that my only friend had been my dog.

Well, Millie was much better than any other friend I would ever have. I mean who else is willing to eat your homework and bite my father's face on my command?

See that's friendship.

And I didn't give a fuck about the fact that I probably was a loner, and maybe mom was right that it was worrisome that I didn't care  about a whole lot of things except for maybe Millie and my mom.

School for me had been a prison sentence and I'm pretty sure if dad had an option he'd send me as far away as possible to boarding school he would but it had always been his opinion that he was the only one who could keep me in line.

Too bad he hasn't figured out that it's only because of him I cross the line in the first place. 

So that brings us to my first proper encounter with Clara Wilson,  which was exactly five days since she'd come to stay with us. To be honest it only happened because we had been shoved into the same car together or else I wouldn't have bothered at all.

I'd always perfected the art of ignoring people when I didn't want to strike conversation but the practice of someone blatantly ignoring me wasn't something I had ever been subjected to. 

Until I met Clara Wilson of course.

I did notice her before getting in the car but I wasn't sure which one she was. I saw the big blonde hair and instantly assumed it was the blonde I had encountered the first day so I didn't even bother looking at her properly.

I'll be honest. I didn't care.

I put on my headphones almost instantly once I sat in the car, making a mental assumption that it would probably take the girl on the other side of the backseat approximately ten minutes to gather up the courage to try to catch my attention.

She'd probably try the usual opening lines which would go along the lines of hey what are you listening to or the typical hi I'm so and so.

But she didn't.

Ten minutes became close to half an hour and my patience was wearing thin.

I didn't like being wrong and mostly it was because when it came to these things I was never wrong.

Endless girls in school had done the same thing time and again and I had come somewhat to the conclusion that, given the choice that's what all girls would do.

But then why didn't this one?

So I'll admit it I peeked.

I just opened my eyes enough to give a casual glance  to the left.

She wasn't that impressive on first glance, her hair all over the place, her expression changing every two seconds as she spoke.

As she spoke.

Spoke to whom? She certainly wasn't striking conversation with me. So for the first time ever I actually opened my eyes completley and paused the song I was playing.

"-And he's so nice!" She's saying,"And Natalie totally thinks he likes me too. What do you think Millie?"

Wait just one second.

Millie? Talking to Millie? Millie as in my dog?

Was she fucking mental?

"I know you're right I shouldn't get my hopes too high." She says,"But he did get me the fourth movie of Harry Potter and we watched it all alone. Oh god Mills it was so romantic.  I'm pretty sure he would have held my hand or maybe even kissed me  but then stupid Voldemort had to rise and totally kill the mood along with-"

Millie let out a small bark probably finding something incredibly interest out of the window sill but the girl blushed slightly.

"Sorry spoilers I know."  She says,"I didn't know you haven't watched the movies yet, you should though. They're brilliant Mils."

Mils?

Haven't watched the movie yet?

Oh she's belongs in the looney bin alright.

And who hasn't watched the movie yet?

"So about Alec." She starts once again looking at my dog as if she genuinely thought that Millie was listening to her.

And all I could do was stare.

I wish I could say that I tried to be subtle about it but I didn't. Not even a little bit.

I just stared.

And she didn't even notice.

And I don't know if that amazed me or just annoyed me.

She continued to go on about a boy named Alec  whatever, who sounded like a total douchebag. The kind that my dad would probably love to have as a son.

She talked about Harry Potter and god knows what else, she just didn't stop.

Millie had turned to me several times already giving me the save me from this crazy lady stare that but I had just grinned back which said, not a chance in hell I'm enjoying this way too much.

I'm pretty sure Millie was going to turn me into her personal chew toy later today for pay back but it would be worth it.

This girl really was something else. I didn't know if that was good thing or a bad thing yet but I  was undoubtedly fascinated.

Her unruly blonde hair was tied in a pony tail and her unforgivably yellow Spongebob T-shirt was actually painful to look at.

But she managed to pull it off almost effortlessly.

Shit and I didn't even know her name. Come on Jake think, her name.

Michelle? Something Wilson- fuck I seriously needed to pay attention to my mom's speeches more often.

Thank god for phones.

To: Momster

I need her name.

From:Momster

Whose?

To Momster

The weird blonde girl in

the blinding yellow t-shirt.

Who you've sent with me.

From Momster

That's rude Jake.

To Momster

Well I'm just checking if

she's a serial killer.

From Momster

And how is knowing her

name going to help? Besides

She's been staying with us

for the past five days I'm sure

if she wanted to kill you she

would have gotten around to it.

To Momster

Her name, mom.

This is not funny.

From Momster

Ask her.

And P.S: I totally

approve.

To Momster

Of what?

From Momster

The fact that you like

her.

To Momster

You need help.

From Momster

You need help and

she's very pretty.

To Momster

Do you even think

before pressing send?

I'm asking for her name,

not if you are RSVPING

for our wedding.

From Momster

That will come

soon enough.

To Momster

You need a life mom.

From Momster

You need a life.

I need a daughter in law.

From Momster

Jokes aside Your father

thinks that you just

need a dose of reality

and he's sending you to

punish you butI think

you need this. You need

to be away from us.

To Momster

You should leave him.

You know it.

From Momster

We are not talking about this.

I'm more curious with your

sudden interest in this girl.

To Momster

I'm spending four

hours with her in a

car alone. I think you

owe me her name.

From Momster

Be a man and ask her Jake.

Last I check you told me

that I couldn't dress you up

with pink ribbons and

frilly skirts because

you're a boy. So prove it.

To Momster

Her. Name.

From Momster

It's Clara Wilson. She's your

age. And she's really nice

which you would know

if you actually talked

to people.

To Momster

People have nothing

interesting to say.

I stop and resist the urge to add,  except may be this one.

From Momster

Jake. Don't screw this up.

Hes sent you to only camp

now next it will be military

school. He's not going to let

it go this time.

To Momster

I don't care.

From Momster

I know.  But you

need to start.

I shut my phone irritated. I wanted to throw it out somewhere a way that I had recently found was very effective to take my anger out.

But then again the last time this had happened I had flung a pillow without thinking and it had hit Millie. Thankfully it was just a pillow and i hadn't done it with force. But I still hadn't forgiven myself with that or stopped tormenting myself over the what if's.

So I try to calm  down.

"-is it stupid wishing to be something you're not?" The girl,-no Clara was saying,"Its ridiculous.  But I really like him. And I don't know if I'm good enough for him. I mean I can see myself with him but at the same time I'm not sure. Gods I must be boring you."

No not at all.

But Millie had already dozed off. She was lying partly across my lap and hers and she never looked comfier.

Clara was looking out of the window lost in thought so I decided to finally listen to my mom and open my mouth.

"So what's your name?" I ask and I resist the urge to groan. What's your name? No wonder she was talking to the dog. Millie clearly had more game than I did.

But Clara looks confused.  She's staring at Millie hilariously puzzled and I can't keep the amusement off my face.

She finally looks up and I find myself staring at a pair of greyish blue eyes, that are looking at me completley shocked.

"You don't really speak much do you?" I taunt and her eyes harden.

"I do but you just don't listen." She snaps and I'm taken back by the sheer irritation in her tone. It's not something I often see and to be honest their usual reaction has become very predictable.

But this girl, no, she wasn't ordinary.  Either she was just different or there was something seriously wrong with her but who cared for the first time I was actually enjoying conversation with someone else.

I chuckle. I don't listen. What the hell had I been doing for the past hour?

"What's so funny?" She demands.

"I find it hilarious that you think that I don't listen." I respond.

"Of course you don't listen." She says,"I've been in the same house as you for five days and you're asking my name today."

"Oh I know you're name Clara." I smirk at her shocked expression,"I just thought it would be nice if you tell me."

She stares at me with a kind of expression that has her no doubt planning ways to kill me.

I'm liking this girl more and more with every passing second.

"I mean I thought it would be rude to tell you that I had been listening to your entire conversation with my dog."

Her face turns scarlet.

"What?" She manages to choke out whilst looking at me with an expression that's somewhere in between plain murderous and totally embarrassed. 

Shit, I don't think I've had this much fun in a very long time. Unless you count the time Millie almost set the house on fire. Now that was fun too.

But this girl was different.

Hmm, I think I like different.

And thats inspite the fact that she was probably searching for something that would probably be my murder weapon.

"I mean seriously." I say,"You were talking to a dog about your love life."

"Well at least I talk." She retorts,"You just sit there looking arrogant and all high and mighty."

She crosses her arms and huffs looking ahead a clear sign as if to say this is the end of conversation.

And for the first time I'm completley and totally fucking speechless.

Because for the first time in probably ever someone has actually not wanted to talk to me when I have genuinely made an effort.

I rub Millie behind the ears. I'm not arrogant. Pfft I'm pretty sure she means absolutely adorable and she'd probably strike up conversation with my charming self in another two minutes.

But she didn't. 

For the entire trip she kept her mouth shut not even sparing a glance towards me. Who the fuck was she? Yoda?

And thus began the start of two very long hours filled with my mood swinging from annoyance to amazement to just plain wonder.

Although I had never been the kind to actively go and seek out attention it was a common thing for people to give it to me regardless. It had been a rule and I'd never found an exception.

Except for her.

I stepped out of the car in full mood to start up conversation. I'd already mentally listed conversation starters.Most of them enlisted me starting with some lame Harry Potter statements. She'd probably have a bazillion bags which would give me more than enough time to ambush her and there was no way she would be able to ignore me.

It was all well and good until I realised that she had only one bag and she was already on her way before I'd even stepped out.

We are going to be here for three months who gets one tiny suitcase? I had two, granted Millie's stuff took half of one considering just how picky she was about her leashes and food. And the only reason I even had two was because my mom had put Maria, the help in charge of packing my bags.

But Clara was a girl. Well at least I think she was.

I hesitate for a second picturing her in my head.

Nope, I'm sure.  She was definitely a girl and in the few trips that I had been forced to go to from school I had learned that the number of bags a girl carried was proportional to the amount of food supplies to a small Kingdom.

And this girl had one.

One single suitcase. Hmm now that would make for an excellent conversation starter, Hey Clara do by any chance know the extendable bag charm?

Fuck, it was like the more I thought about this girl

the lamer I got. By the way this was going I was going to have to start have to take tips from Millie. 

"Hi I'm Kylie."

I tear my gaze away to look at the girl standing in front of me. She's hot I've got to give it to her, if Langdon from school was here he would definitely be all over her already. 

I'm in full mood to ignore her and walk away, something I would have done on any normal ocassion but this time I hesitated.

Clara Wilson had completley ignored me and walked over my ego with her non existent high heels. Now wether it was because I've lost my game or it was just that she was a little off was something Kylie would definitely help.

I grinned, "Hi I'm Jake. "

The girl blushed red and batted her lashes. Of course I still had it in me. It was me, Jake Henderson did not not have game and Clara Wilson, well she was just.... an exception.

Well, I'm pretty sure she couldn't be an exception for too long.

"So first things first." The instructor starts,"Everyone will be divided into groups and-"

I'm not even paying attention to the shit rules anymore but I was staring at Clara next to me. It hadn't taken me long to find her, she was taller than most of the girls in the crowds and her frizzy blonde hair was almost impossible to miss.Her eyes were focused straight ahead and her back was straightened put as of she was hanging on to every word of his.

"-drinking any form of drugs or girls or boys found in each others room after curfew shall be kicked out."

"It will be easier to get kicked out of this bloody camp than steal Neville's Remembrall."

She didn't turn around but a small smile had settled on her lips.

"Don't worry." She says her eyes trained ahead,"I'll help you get kicked out of this world Draco. "

Shit this girl was good. I couldn't hide my grin.

"And I thought you were the good girl." I say.

"I am." She says and then without another glance towards me she walks ahead.

So that was Clara Wilson.

The girl who quoted Harry Potter, wore a Spongebob T-shirt and carried just one suitcase with her and was the only girl uptil date who actually had held my attention for more than fifteen seconds.

Forget girl, I'm pretty sure she was the only person who could held my attention for that long.

I'd admit it, my introduction in camp was stretched too thin over the top but it was only to get a reaction out of her.

And I got none. I knew it had worked because all the other girls already had their phones out filling in my number. And I had looked at her through the entire speech but unlike everyone else all it did to her was make her uncomfortable and she gave me a look that clearly said you're acting like an absolute creep.

Seriously what the fuck was this girls secret?

After a long list of meaningless introductions most of which I slept through it was finally her chance to introduce herself.

"Hi I'm Clara Wilson." She murmurs nervously, "And I like reading and listening to music."

And that's it.

She already off stage.

That's it?

That's all people get?

Hi I'm Clara Wilson I read and listen to music?

What happened to I'm a sucker for Harry Potter books and my neighbour who sounds like a total douchebag?

And that was all I got. That's all I knew about this girl and for the first time I actually wanted to know more.

_____________________________

Great, I actually have to continue this. Apparently writing that wasn't enough. I needed to delve deeper into my feelings and write more.

Seriously wherever this shrink has graduated from needs to just stop handing out diplomas for kicks. But then again since I'm on lock down with mom in the apartment I have nothing to do except write this or read Twilight, which seems like the only books here.

This is the better option definitely,  one twenty pages in and the only opinion I've been able to form is that Bella has some serious issues and Edward is a creep who likes watching girls sleep and needs to cut back on the body glitter.

I don't think I can take any more of this. Mom's constant sobbing coupled with Bella's constant oh my god Edward Cullen is sooooo hot comments are starting to get on my nerves. Mom should just accept the fact that she's going to lose the damn custody case and move on and Bella just needs help.

I don't know why mom's still holding on to the the hope that she'll win this. That's what her choice had been from the beginning, either me or freedom from him.

And when she went through with the divorce she chose herself. I don't blame her though. 

So back to Clara Wilson.

Camp was boring as hell. I had already contemplated running away but my dad had been smart enough to send me to the camp that was literally in the middle of nowhere.

The only thing remotely interesting in that camp was the fact that Clara Wilson shared exactly one class but it was enough to keep me thoroughly amused and interested enough to stay.

She sat in the second row her head always down as she scrambled to take notes.

Although she didn't look like it this girl was a total nerd. And to be honest I found it even more fascinating. This girl read books, she could probably look like a model if she tried and she was smart.

Sure there was the small part about the fact that she hated me for no reason but I could fix that if I tried.

Hopefully.

In the end though the funniest thing is that the thing I tried to fix it with it is the thing that fucked it up the most and it all started because my idiotic roommate couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Camp was a very boring place in general. It was filled with adults who thought that I genuinely wanted to be there and children who actually wanted to be there. So that left a bunch of people who didn't give a damn.

We weren't the best of people, if admit it and keeping ourselves entertained wasn't the easiest either.

Since shrinkie is going to be reading this I'm going to keep this PG-13 but bottom line was that we weren't the best influence and staying in camp had us do some real shit.

And then came the games and the bets.

Funniest part of it all Clara would have stayed far away from it all if it hadn't been for my fascination with her, a copy of the Lord of the Rings and my stupid roommates big mouth.

I can't even remember his name anymore, was it Dave, Dale? Who cares? Let's just call him Loudmouth.

"I think the girl with the huge glasses would be fun to play with." It was Harry, a sixteen year old who was even more more messed up than I was who actually came up with that idea.

To be honest Harry was a dick in every sense of the word. He ruined whatever little respect I had for the main character in the Harry Potter series by just sharing a name with him. He wasn't someone I particularly like or have a damn about but he was a person who was fucked up as hell and I'll admit it, it's always good to have someone who is worse than you so that you know that no matter how far you sink there is always someone worse.

Harry had currently come up with this twisted game to play around with some girl. It was more like a bet that we had made, find the shyest, nerdiest girl around and whoever managed to take her completely off track won.

It was dumb. Not even desperate twelve year old boys did it when they were bored.

Harry's first suggestion was Alison, Clara's roommate. She did fit the part quite perfectly, with her glasses, her braids and everything.

Until obviously Loudmouth had to open his god awful loud mouth and say,"The blondie next to her seems like she would be a lot more off challenge."

If Clara hadn't been reading the Lord of The Rings that day,  at thick fat eight hundred page book while standing in the lunch line she would have probably been saved.

But she was reading. Of course she was. She was Clara Wilson, the girl who didn't give a damn about what people thought.

Harry regarded her, his eyes scanning her up and down and at that moment I don't think I've ever felt the need to punch someone that hard in my life.

"Yeah." Harry says,"She looks a lot more fun too. Now who is going to ask her?"

And that's when Loudmouth struck again,"Jake knows her. Doesn't he?"

Where was the damn duct tape when you needed it?

"So what?" I snap,"Can't do your own dirty work?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. It was a stupid move on my part because if it wasn't going to be me it was going to be someone else.

And I don't think I'd let that someone else especially when it was Harry to go even near her.

"Fine I'll do it." I say it was obviously better than any of this dipshits going near her,"Let's show you idiots how it's done."

"I'll come along." Loudmouth says. This guy is literally asking to get his asking to get his ass kicked.

I ignore him and make my way towards Clara who was currently making her way towards her table, her tray in hand.

"Car." I start. It was a name I had started to like when it came to her. And it annoyed her to no extent so it was a huge plus.

She ignores me.

No surprise there.

"Blondie." I say next and almost half the cafeteria turns to look at me. Except for her of course.

"Wilson." I say this time but again no response. Seriously did this girl really hate me that much.

I grin, it was like she wanted me to tease her.

"Alec." I taunt.

"What is your problem." She turns around glaring at me.

"Thought that would get your attention." I say.

She rolls her eyes,"Talk fast Jakeass. I'm losing my patience."

Jakeass. I'll admit it I was impressed with that one.

Loudmouth raised an eyebrow and I turn towards him trying to think of a way to get rid of the idiot. I didn't want Clara to get involved in our games but it wasn't something I could do anything about. If I didn't do it someone else would.

But I could try.

"And you thought she was just a quiet good girl." I say.

It's a crappy attempt to take the attention off her but if nothing else it just makes her even more interesting.

"You have five seconds before you lose my interest."

Yeah there was not a chance in hell that I was letting this girl even near them.

"Okay whatever I need you to get Alison's number."

She looks at me suspiciously,"Why don't you do it yourself?"

"Where is the fun in that?"

She looks at me disgusted,"Well, forget it if you think I'm going to help you mess around with her."

Jesus Clara. It's better her than you isn't it?

"I'm not going to mess around with her." I defend.

"And I'm the next President of the United States." She retorts.

"Oh come on Wilson." I say,"I'm your friend, our family our friends. Don't you think you should do me a favour?"

Do me a favour Wilson and just shut up so I can get you out of this mess.

But of course she doesn't.

"WE are not friends." She states,"I don't want to be your friend either, so let's just go back to ignoring each other."

She turns around simultaneously crashing into someone dropping her entire soda on another girl.

"You bitch." The soda girl screeched,"Are you blind?"

Clara stumbles back stammering,"I'm sorry."

Soda girl sneers,"Yeah well I'm sorry."

And promptly grabs her chocolate cake and smears it all over Clara's face.

Clara stands there in shock and I don't know why I do it but in an instant the Coca Cola can is in my hand and I've emptied it all over the girl in front of me.

"Food fight!" I yell grabbing something else and randomly throwing it across the cafeteria.

Chaos breaks out instantly and there is food flying everywhere.

Loudmouth next to me grabs a bowl of spaghetti and topples it all over me.

Okay that's it, this guy was going to-

That's when I realise that Clara isn't next to me anymore.

Shit.

Where did she go?

It's Harry's gaze that leads me to her, just as she's crawling underneath the table to seek refuge.

My heart sinks. There was no way I could get her out of this now.

Damn it.

The cafeteria is still in chaos as I quickly make my way towards the table dodging all the flying food.

I lift the table cloth and peak inside and Clara jumped and hit her head on the table.

"What is your problem?" She asks rubbing her head.

I grin looking at her cake smeared face. Chocolate icing covers her lashes and hair making her look like a partial brunette.

She in turn scans me with a small smile playing on her lips as she takes in just what a mess I am. I raise an eyebrow to tease her about totally checking me out but instead she laughs out loud.

It's probably the first time I've ever seen her throw me anything but a frosty glare.

But it's hard to take it seriously considering the fact even the glare made her look so cute, with her eyebrows all scrunched up together and her lips in a pout.

But her laugh.

It's absolutely fucking beautiful.

And I'm probably a cheese ball for saying it but it's true.

"And she smiles." I say.

She rolls her eyes but the smile is still on her lips,"What do you want?"

"I'll stay away from Alison." I say. I leave out the but I don't think think I can stay away from you part.

"But on one condition." I add.

She snorts,"I'm not asking you to stay away from her. I'm just asking you to go do your dirty work by yourself."

I wave her off,"That I can do. But let's face it you don't want me anywhere near your only friend in camp."

"Hey! She is not my only friend." She defends.

She was. It was another thing about Clara Wilson that didn't fail to fascinate me. I'm sure if she tried she would have a lot more friends. But she didn't need anyone. She didn't need a whole lot of friends to make her feel better about herself. Too make herself seem more likeable or popular.She was just fine with one friend and her books.

I give her a look and she sighs.

"Fine. What do you want?" She asks and then raises an eyebrow,"Friendship only goes so far."

"I want you to go to a party with me." I want her to say no but its the fact that even if I back down the others wouldn't that makes me give her my biggest most pleading eyes.

I may not be the best person around but it sure as hell be me rather than any of them.

And I wouldn't let them to anything to her.

Clara looks surprised,"Me? A party? Why? Where?"

I wave off her questions,"You ask too many questions. Can you give me an answer?"

I look at her expecting her to say no but instead she looks at me her grey blue eyes wide and says,"Yeah sure."

It's my turn to be surprised but I manage to grin. She had no idea what she was getting into.

What I was getting her into.

"I'll pick you up at eight on Saturday."

The funniest part of it all was that the days leading up to he party all I could think about is what I had done to her. What I was about to drag her into.

But for some reason I'd never even considered what Clara Wilson would do to me.

_________

Shrinkie says that I'm using my guilt over what I did to Clara to repress my feelings as to what happened with my father.

Well it's certainly a lot of guilt.

He's asked me to take a break from the Clara story and all the guilt involved with that and write about my parents divorce and Millie's death and how How it happened and how I feel about it.

He seems to think I blame myself for both my parents divorce as well as Millie's death which is why I'm depressed and I use sarcasm as a tool to defend myself.

Jeez I wish it was sharper so that I could stop with these damn sessions.

Well first of all my parents divorce isn't my fault and to be honest I couldn't be happier. My mom deserves far better than him and it's about damn time she realised.

Millie though... That was my fault. That is always going to be my fault.

As for depressed, I'm not depressed. I just have no motivation to talk about my feelings or show any emotion other than my usual disinterest in everybody else.

As for me not talking during the sessions it's because I have nothing to say. Nothing that I want to tell anyone.

And  I certainly do not want to discuss my feelings with some crap therapist. I'd rather sit with a large large tub of ice cream and cry over Ryan gosling in the notebook.

Yes I hate all of this that much.

But since my mom really wants this to work out and this is probably the only way to pacify my father Im writing about it.

Maybe I'm distracting myself from the main reason they've sent me her but who cares?

Clara Wilson is the best kind of distraction.

But since shrinkie and I have a had a deal I'll answer his stupid questions.

How I feel about the divorce: Good. Like I've said before, My mother deserves far better than him any day of the week and she certainly doesn't owe it to me to stay with him for any longer just for my sake.

And as to how it happened, since it's always fun describing what an asshole my father really is here goes.

Millie had been on my heels that day and I was talking to my mom  about camp.She was mad at me with the entire turning the older Wilson's hair green.

"Jake wait." She calls out,"Aren't you going to tell you father you're back?"

"I've been back for two days now, if he hasn't noticed then it's his problem." I deadpan.

She rolls her eyes but it's a look that says that there is no chance of an argument.

So I grudgingly trudge towards my fathers study opening the door.

And I stop on my tracks.

Although my view is only limited to the part of the room that could be seen through the crack of the door, it was enough to see what's happening.

My dad with his tongue shoved down some woman's throat. I'm not surprised, not even one bit and I have to resist the urge run down to my mother and say I told you so  who had actually hoped that my father was than any different he really was.

But I stop abruptly when I notice who the woman with my father is because the most interesting and the most disgusting part of it all was the person he was cheating on my mother with.

Although her hair was a different shade of blonde and her eyes were nothing like her daughters it was almost impossible to mistake her for someone else even while my father had his tongue shoved down her throat. 

The lady who my father was with was none other than Lily Wilson, Clara's mother. 

The book slips through my fingers.

_____

Author: Ew. Ew. Ew. Yuck. Like seriously that's just gross.

But more on that later. This chapter is split into two which basically means that his narrative will continue through the next chapter till she sees the video.

Anyway so what do you think about Jake now? Please tell me he doesn't sound like a girl.

Next update: Soon.

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