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UNEDITED

Banner by vexitiouss

Okay this a very very long chapter (193 pages on my Itouch)  so do me a favor and read it slowly so it lasts a long time? If you don't like long chapters, then a) how have you come so far through this book?

B) Break it into parts so that you can read it over a long time.

The end is near! Only a few more chapters left. Finally. Rejoice this book is finally getting over.

So here goes.

WARNING: If you haven't figured it out yet 14-year-old Jake cusses like a sailor and my grammar is as bad as my autocorrect I mean which sane phone converts how to hoe? And it's kinda disjointed and well... you'll see what I'm sa

I stare at the book on the floor blankly. I don't know what's the last thing I had actually eaten but I'm pretty sure I would have puked it all over Natalie's guestroom if I had had something recently.

Well at least now I know where Michella gets it from, I think drily.

But my sister is nothing like my mother. She's a million times better than her.

Too bad it's taken me this long to figure that out.

I'm not nearly as shocked as I should have been. My parents, till whatever little I had seen had never really been the most stable and loving couple. My dad loved his work more than anything else and my mom, well she had her ambition that got her to where she is now.

If they did split up, I wouldn't be shocked at all, to be honest it wouldn't matter to me even one bit after all they were strangers to me, people who I barely even knew.

No, I'm not surprised that my mother had an affair at all. But I was kind of horrified as to whom she had it with.

But most of all I was shocked, shocked about the fact how Jeanine Henderson actually managed to tolerate her and not just punch her in the face.

And Jake. How did he even manage to be in the same room as her?

I lean on the edge of the bed burying my face in my hands.

Is it too hard for me to ask for a life that isn't so messed up that it makes my head hurt every second of the damn day?

I can't get myself to actually wrap my head around the book in front of me, the one that Jake had written all those years ago.

About me.

And him.

It was us, the way he saw it.

I let out a small smile remembering when he'd stood in the rain and told me that I wasn't just a chapter but the entire book.

Maybe he'd meant it quite literally.

It hurt to see the clarity with which he remembered everything. I'd always known Jake had a very good memory but this was bordering on eidetic.

He remembered everything.

He remembered everything about me.

Seeing me through his eyes I seem like the protagonist of some book, a fascinating, interesting main character who has a lot more to her personality than just being clumsy and an absolute dork.

I'm not plain old whiny Clara Wilson with abandonment issues the way he describes me, I'm someone who is different... in a good way.

Seeing me through his eyes I don't seem helpless, I don't seem broken. Maybe I was a different version of myself back when we were fourteen and I hadn't nearly been through as much.

And Jake.

This, all of it is the boy I fell in love with, the boy who was impossibly damaged even back then but at the same time impossibly good.

He'd always told me that he didn't deserve me and I had always blindly believed him like an idiot always choosing to see the worst in him because I was so damn scared of how he made me feel.

And now he was gone.

Shut up Clara, A voice in my head says that sounds dangerously close to Rebecca, Just read the damn book and stop whining.

I'm going to be perfectly honest I was tempted to record the whole scene and release to the press before anything else.

I would have too, had I not thought about my mother at that point. Although her relationship with the bastard had never quite been good she still loved him and chose to turn a blind eye to all his faults. Some of it she obviously did for me because asking for the divorce meant that I was stuck with him alone.

But she did love him, I don't know how but she managed to love him and somehow managed to love even me. Although I would love to see his reputation fall to ruin it wasn't worth what it would do to my mother.

And of course because of the one particular Wilson it might effect.

So the press thing was out but my mother still deserved to know the truth so that she could finally understand that even I wasn't worth staying with him.

I quickly step out of view, opening the door had been soundless enough and they had been pretty busy to notice I was fairly confident neither had seen me.

I wasn't going to shut it though. That much should be left to their imagination.

I made my way down the stairs quickly and it would have probably taken me three steps more to reach my mother and tell her the truth.

But instead I stopped.

I often wonder if I hadn't seen her at that moment how things would be different.

Clara was siting on the floor her back against the sofa watching something on TV .She wasn't paying attention to it though even though she was desperately trying to. Her sister sat on a sofa across her raising her eyebrow and saying something I can't quite hear.

Clara's hand instinctively goes to her red hair in response to whatever her sister was saying and a flash of hurt passes across her face.

But it's quick to disappear like it's always been with her, all you got was a micro-second to see what she felt before she locked it up inside her so that no one could see what she felt.

And no matter how many times I saw it, it still managed to take me by surprise. This girl may not look it but she was one of the strongest people I knew and for the life of me I couldn't figure out how she did it.

Every time I saw it I had to stop to figure out how, I had to figure out why. Because there was something about her that was absolutely unforgettable and no matter how much I tried.

If it hadn't been her there, if it had been anybody else then I wouldn't have stopped.

If it hadn't been her things would have turned out differently.

For starters I wouldn't have turned her sister's hair green.

But if that day I hadn't seen Clara I would have probably gone to my mother and I would have told her the truth.

My mother would lose one of her closest friends and she probably would have left him right at that moment.

At least that's what I want to convince myself.

But I had barely made it down the hall when I feel my father's vice like grip on my arm as he pushes me into the room that's closest to us and locks the door behind him.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?"

Leaving the door open had been a dumb move on my part; I was probably the only one in the entire house who would do it to taunt him.

I clench my fist and stare at coldly back at him. I wasn't afraid of my father. I never had been, he wasn't someone who I respected enough to even be scared off.

"I'm going to tell her." I say coldly, "What? You expected me to keep quiet about your little adventure there? I was thinking about recording the whole it would make for a great home movie-"

I don't see the back of his hand until it's too late and he hits me with enough force to send me reeling back so much so that I taste blood in my mouth.

He really was a bastard.

"You're not going to say a word." He says, it's not a request; it's not a command but a statement. A statement with no room for error.

Good. Because those were the ones I had the most fun breaking.

"Watch me." I sneer.

'You're not going to say a word Jake." He warns once again, "It will hurt your mother."

I don't think he realizes just how full of shit he really is.

"Hurt my mother? You should have thought about that before sticking your throat down somebody else's throat." I say, "How long has this been going on? Is this why you invited the Wilson's this summer so that-"

"Enough." He roars, "My decisions are not something I have to run by you."

"Good." I say, "Neither do I. I'll have fun seeing you squirm during the hearing. Do us both a favor and give up custody."

I step forward reaching for the door but he step in front of me blocking my path.

"It only happened once." He says, "And you are not going to say a word to your mother."

"Cut the shit, dad." I taunt, "We both know you're just worried how this is going to reflect on the company. Seeing the real bastard you-"

This time he hits even harder but I stand my ground. It's not like he hasn't done this before.

I don't wince but instead give him a wide grin. I know my lip is split by the way it stings but that's a bonus.

The one thing Conrad Henderson cannot stand is things he can't control. And it killed him that no matter what he did he couldn't control me.

I wasn't going to be his pawn and he knew it.

"Have fun with your company." I say wiping the blood on my mouth with the back of my hand, "It's all you're going to have anyway."

"I'm doing this for you." He says, "It's yours to inherit, it's your future. It's what keeps us together. Why do you think you're mother hasn't left yet? Because money is power and power is everything."

I laugh, "You're wrong. It's not what keeps us together it's what drove us apart. And your desperate need for power just shows what a coward you really are."

He doesn't say anything for a moment before he shakes his head and moves out of the way, "Go tell her then. Tell your mother the truth and see how she'll still choose to stay."

"She won't." I say, "She's not like you."

He doesn't say a word this time and there is something close to amusement on his face.

I leave.

My fists are still clenched tightly into fists

But I didn't tell her.

I could have, I could have gone right to her room with no hesitation told her everything right then and there and begged her to just end it.

But I didn't.

I like to tell myself it was because I was doing this for her so that she didn't lose her friend or she didn't have to realize just how far someone could fall but I knew that wasn't true.

I didn't tell her because I was afraid that he was right. He was right about her in the end. But in the end it was something else entirely that stopped me.

I called him a coward but I was just like him, because if my mother did leave then I would have to face him alone and I don't think I'd last very long.

In the end though not telling her made no difference.

______________________________

There was a lot of silence from the shrink's part yesterday. It was kind of amusing to watch I'm going to be honest.

Maybe he's finally figuring out that the man who's hired him to practically spy on me is a total asshole and we've not even reached the worst part yet.

But if he knows what's good for him shrinkie should keep his mouth shut. Conrad Henderson will ruin him with a snap of his finger if he lets out even one of his dirty little secrets.

He does say that this is progress and I'm opening up. To be honest I'm just bored. I have nothing to do except stare at walls and contemplate about absolutely nothing.

So now we are back to Clara for his sake as well as mine.

She's far more fun to write about anyway.

The entire week leading up to that Saturday I was trying to find ways to avoid what was waiting but there was no way out of it.

I knocked on the door and it opened to reveal a very sleepy Clara Wilson rubbing her eyes. Her hair was sticking out in a million different angles and she was wearing a striped pajamas.

"What are you doing here?" She asked her eyes still half closed as she yawns.

"Is that what you're wearing tonight?"

Her eyes snap open and she's looking at me wide eyed. She does a once over checking me from head to toe her face turning a deep shade of red.

"What are you doing here?" She asks frantically, "What party what-"

Realization dawns on her face,"Shit."

"Give me two seconds." She says, "I'll be right out."

"You can cancel you know I can always take Ali-"

"Absolutely not." She says firmly but there is something close to hurt in her voice, "I'll be right out."

I nod, "Okay. Cute PJ'S by the way."

She groans and slams the door shut promptly.

I'd given her an out, one last attempt to get her involved in all of this but for some reason it seemed like she was hurt by it.

Why?

It took her exactly two minutes for her to come out. I knew because I stood put for all of those very long two minutes thinking about the shit I was getting her into.

I'd like to say that I stayed because it wouldn't have made a difference, she was already involved and it was better this way but that wasn't the reason.

It was because I was curious.

Clara Wilson wasn't somebody I could quite understand, she was far too different, far too unpredictable.

But for some reason I wanted to understand. Figure her out. No matter how soppy that sounded it was true.

The door opened and Clara stood with her hands crossed. She hadn't done a lot, tied her hair in a ponytail and worn a red plaid shirt instead. The look was so ridiculously typically Clara Wilson. Except instead of jeans she'd worn shorts instead.

Her ridiculously long legs were on full display and I nearly stumbled. That's when I knew I was in shit.

I was so very very fucked.

Now since shrinkie here is probably reading this I'm going to keep this PG 13 and just conclude the thought at the fact that I'm most certainly not gay.

Because at that moment I could think of a thousand different things to do to-

Well you get the point.

But instead like a true gentleman I chose to take the higher path and say, "Nice touch with the make up."

And I wink.

I wink.

I wink like some idiot because I was so completely lost when it came to her.

That and it was taking all my self-control to just stand there because this was quite literally the worst kind of hell there was.

"When the hell did lip-gloss become make up?" She asks as I turn around and start walking ahead.

I hope she's following me because I don't think I have it in me to turn around and get a glance of her in those shorts again.

To top it off the grounds were absolutely deserted too. Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

"Where are we going?" She whispers breaking the silence. Her voice sounds lower and far raspier and well let's just say it was absolutely not helping with my predicament.

"Why are you whispering?" I ask out loud and she jumps.

"I don't know." She says still whispering, "Cause it's dark and lonely and you are supposed to whisper?"

She's got nothing to be afraid of except maybe me, and the whispering was certainly not going to save her.

I laugh at the very irony of her sentence and she glares at me, "If we get caught or kidnapped I'll make sure you get killed first."

I roll my eyes and then finally whisper too, "Fine have it your way Car."

I don't know why I call her that but I find that it suits her.

"Will you stop calling me a car?" She says annoyed.

"Okay Alec. " I say.

And that kills the mood.

Thank the fucking gods. I don't know how long I would be able to stay like that.

"Shut up." She says and the look she's got on her face looks like she's planning on throwing me to the wolves.

"Wow I didn't know you were that violent, Car." I say.

She turns red and I realize I had guessed correctly.

"Why do you even call me Car?" She asks.

I had no idea.

It just happened and it suited her. It was an extremely cute nickname for her.

Now since I can't tell her that without sounding like a total idiot I have to come up with something far more creative.

"Clara is too long." I state.

Seriously? That's what I came up with? It's like whatever game I had just fucking vanished when it came to her and no matter what I said I seemed like a total idiot.

"Are you kidding me?" She says, "It's five letters and one more letter than your name."

"Yes, but still long." I say and then try and different one, "Besides that's where I got to know you for the first time in the car now didn't I?"

What even-

I got to know you in a car?

I needed to shut up.

How did I become such an idiot?

I got to know you in the car that's why I call you that?

She's probably thanking her lucky stars that we didn't meet in a bathroom.

She halts suddenly and I beckon her forward, "Come on. We've almost reached."

The cabin is up ahead, thankfully. The party is already on in full swing.

"Why are we here?" She asks.

She's not supposed to be here and it's all my fault and my stupid fascination with her that she's even here.

Fuck the consequences I needed her out of here now.

Before I can even begin to put my impromptu plan into motion loudmouth appears in front of us.

He shoves a red plastic cup into my hand and says, "Jake. I thought you weren't going to come."

He then turns his attention towards Clara and checks her out in a way that makes me want to strangle him.

"Do you want a drink?" He asks and puts another drink in front of her.

She looks at it, hesitation written all over her face and I think she's going to say no but instead she unsurely puts her hand forward and-

And I slam the damn cup to the ground.

I don't have to use my imagination as to what loudmouth put in her drink.

"What the hell man?" Loudmouth says.

Relief is plastered all over her face and I relax. I turn to loudmouth, "Do you really think she's going to drink-"

She doesn't even let me finish the sentence before she grabs the drink from my hand with something that looks like challenge on her face.

And then she practically finished the entire cup at one go. She chokes a little but she puts on a mocking smile and looks straight at me and says, "I do drink. "

Oh for fucks sake.

Loudmouth grinned, "Wow you've got a real feisty one here Henderson."

And an incredibly stupid one, clearly.

I just give a curt nod as we start heading deeper into the house. Clara looks all around her eyes open curiously as she tries to see everything.

She stumbles and I catch her but she quickly breaks out of my grip.

Great.

Loudmouth leads her up the stairs probably where Harry was lounging. It's a miracle of sorts that Clara even makes it up the stairs consider how woozy she was.

They probably put something quite strong in my drink too, it's one of the reasons I didn't touch the stuff. That and it tasted like shit and I only got buzzed after I downed at least four bottles.

I'd tried it once. Never doing it again.

But clearly Clara was new this entire thing.

"Henderson! " Harry says strolling towards us leisurely. He stops in front or us giving Clara a long look from head to toe and at that moment I'm ready to kick his ass to hell and beyond.

I think I was going to kill him. I was going to commit mass murder and I don't think I was even going to feel horrible about it.

The amount of restraint it took to not pound his face in was immense. He smiled at her and she blushed a deep red.

"What's your name?" Harry asked her.

She giggles slightly and that gets me even madder so before she can say anything I respond for her, "Clara."

Harry turns to me confusion but it's a mask I can see through clearly. There is a small smirk on his face and I realize the mistake I've just made.

The irritation in my voice and the way I'm practically standing in front of her sent a very clear message to Harry.

Shit.

He turns back towards Clara.

"Hi I'm Harry." He says.

Clara smiles at him and puts her hand forward, "I'm Clara, but you already know that."

Harry nodded and turned to give him a look. The asshole was doing this on purpose to piss me off.

He was using her to get to me. And fuck I'd be lying if I said it wasn't working. I'd thought that I'd been in hell earlier but this was far far worse and it was like somebody had stuck me in the deepest pit in hell and somehow I'd managed to drag Clara down with me.

I could do indifference. I had too. She was just a girl wasn't she? Just some object of fascination that would get over really fast.

That's what I had to convince everyone else. That I could do.

Pretend not to care Jake. Pretend that you don't want to murder everyone in the room just for looking at her.

Pretend that I didn't care.

Now how the fuck would I do that? When everything about this girl just...

Okay maybe I needed it. I needed a time out from this girl and I needed it fast.

So I turned and walked away.

It was the stupidest thing I could do, I agree but it was still the only option I had in the end.

It was either that or kill everyone in that entire room and lets face it orange is just not my color and it would end up screwing my mugshot.

They wouldn't do anything to her since Harry had just got her here to taunt me.

It was still the stupidest thing I'd done.

There is a post it on the side and the writing on the side is newer and much more recent.

Watch the second video.

I open up the second video and press play keeping the book down.

The video starts exactly as I expect it to. Me doing things that no fourteen year old or anyone for that matter should be doing.

It's just as bad as I thought it would be. Although I didn't remember the night too well I did have a few hazy memories.

I don't know why he's asked me to watch the stupid video of me in the middle of the book.

Jake's not there in any of the scenes where I'm being a complete moron, completely wasted, drunk and god knows what else. It actually hurts to see how stupid I had been and the shit I did. I'm kind of happy that he wasn't there to actually see me like that.

Looking back it's not surprising that my mom practically disowned me in during Christmas after watching the video that Michella had given her. I briefly let myself wonder how she even got it in the first place but that thought is pushed aside when Jake finally comes into the picture.

Fourteen year old Jake Henderson looks mad when he enters. There's too much of noise to really make out what's going on. I'm laughing and giggling clearly still high from all the shit I've done before. I sit on the table next to his friends laughing and giggling.

He's angrily telling me something but I'm too loopy too give a damn. Harry comes and tosses me the keys, a precursor to what I'm going to do next which is taking someone's car for a joyride inside the cafeteria.

I get up to go but Jake grabs my hand and turns me around.

He seems mad and he's still saying something and I'm yelling back at him until-

I kiss him.

I kiss him.

It's completely out of nowhere and though I can see that I'd done it to shut him up I don't pull back until much later until I'm flushed completely and I'm smiling as if someone has just handed me first place a prize.

Jake on the other hand just looks confused.

I turn around and leave the scene and Jake is still standing there looking utterly baffled.

The tape cuts and goes to a grainy video of me siting in the car struggling to put the key in the ignition.

The video goes blank for a few seconds and the next time it plays it's a grainy video of me behind the steering wheel. Jake is siting next to me in front and the video is taken from the back seat.

The engine finally starts and Jake is saying something but it's lost in the sound of the engine as I hit the accelerator and the car goes moves backwards and there is large crash before the screen goes blank.

I stare at unable to keep up with what I just saw.

The kiss.

Why don't I remember it?

Why had he never told me?

Why hadn't he ever showed me the video?

The kiss that happened before the play.

The kiss that I started.

This was my first kiss.

I didn't even remember it.

I reach for the book leafing through its pages quickly before reaching the point where I had stopped.

I probably left her alone for one hour in which all I could think about that was her. So I finally gave up and went back into the hellhole.

It was hard to spot her considering she was taller than most girls in the room and her blonde hair stood out.

"Clara." I yelled over the crowd, "Clara!"

She turned around and her greyish blue eyes find me. A smile breaks out on her face and she waves to me frantically. Loudmouth sits beside her and he looks just about as loopy as she does.

Fuck.

What have they done to her?

My progress is slow as I make my way through the crowd shoving people aside. I've never been the most gracious person anyway.

I was such an idiot for just leaving her for even a second. Shit, what the hell was wrong with me?

I finally found her, she was siting on top is the table her legs stretched out in front of her.

Those damn legs.

She was laughing with Loudmouth and a couple of other boys around her.

"Give me the keys." She says to Loudmouth, "I'm not kidding."

I give them a look, "What keys?"

She turns towards me, "OH look he's here. I'm planning on driving Mr. Colbons car. It's an absolute abomination and insult to all Impala's out there."

"Driving?" I demand, "You're fourteen you don't know how to-"

She waves me off, "I'll learn. Besides I thought that you'd be up for it, aren't you the kind who does this kind of shit."

I raise an eyebrow, "What do you think I do in my free time? Torture puppies?"

"Maaaaybe." She drags the word out, "After all if I don't convince myself that you're some stuck up asshole how the hell am I supposed to hate you? Anyway I'm doing this, I don't need your permission."

"You're not doing it Clara." I say, "Stop acting dumb. You'll get hurt, besides you don't know how to drive a car."

"But shouldn't car know how to drive a car?" Loudmouth says and everyone starts laughing as if he's Russell freaking Peters.

"Oh-god. " She says in between breaths, "That was hilarious. "

She then turns towards me, "The nickname is growing on me you know? It makes me sound far more interesting."

"Yeah." Loudmouth was clearly quiet out of it too, "Car, I agree."

Hearing him call her that, was it. I was about to punch the shit out of him, my patience practically non-existent by now but it's Clara who stops me, as she frowns at him, "Don't call me that You don't get to call me that. Only he does."

Loudmouth frowns too his momentary high disappearing.

"Besides." She says,"Mr. Grumpy here looks like he's going to kill you."

She turns to me and then pokes my upper arm, "Like can you imagine being hit by this?" She says, "Like seriously I'm pretty sure his biceps have biceps. Back home fourteen years still quibble over which Pokémon was the best."

A small smile slips onto my lips almost unwillingly.

Clara Wilson really was something else.

"Here you go." It's Harry who appears out of nowhere placing the key in her hand and grinning, "Just like I promised."

She looks at it confused for a second, "What is this for?"

"I thought you'd said you'd drive the car if you had the keys." He says, "Now here it is."

Clara looks at it confused for one second but a determined look crosses her face, "You're on."

Is she crazy?

Does she even know how to drive a car?

"No you're not." I interrupt, "She doesn't do this kind of stuff."

Her eyes narrow, "Why? Because you think I'm some stuck up goody two shoes. Well go to hell. I'll prove you wrong."

She turns around but I catch her wrist and tug her back, "Don't act stupid. You can't seriously be considering this."

"Let me go Jake."

"No."

"Let me go."

"Not a chance in hell."

"Let me go. Or I swear to god I'll kick your ass."

"I'd like to see you try."

She looks at me frustrated and looks around trying to find a way out and then she trains her bluish grey eyes back at me and they are filled with hesitation.

And then she kisses me.

My grip on her instantly loosens and I expect her to break it but she doesn't. I kiss her back almost instantly without a second thought and she does the same.

And that's when I knew just how fucked I was.

Because this girl....

I was in trouble.

I was in total and complete shit and I wasn't going to be able to pull myself out of this easily.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I'm such an idiot.

We broke apart and she was breathing heavily. I would have probably kissed her again but that's when she seems to snap out of her daze and rips her hand away from mine before marching through the crowd towards the exist.

With the damn keys still in her hand.

Oh for the love of god.

"I like this girl." Harry says grinning, "And she totally had you by the balls Henderson. But I can't blame you, those legs and those lips, they're-"

I'm probably a millisecond from killing him, because hitting him would have been far too nice before loudmouth interrupts.

"I want to see if she actually goes and does it." He says.

Harry let's out a twisted smile, "She won't."

He clearly didn't know her.

I make a mental note to slam this guy's head on a brick wall before turning on my heels to go find her.

I'm hoping that she's too drunk to find the car but when I notice she's not outside. Damn it.

The counselor's cars are all parked near the cafeteria as far as I can remember and I make a dash for it.

Loudmouth is still following me but I ignore him.

Why was she even doing this? To prove something? To whom?

I let out a sigh of relief as I spot her trying to fit the key into the car. I sigh in relief a million different equally horrifying scenarios had already played through my head and seeing her in one piece was quite the relief.

She manages to somehow open the door and get in by the time I've reached her.

"Clara get out of the car." I say impatiently. Loudmouth though who for some reason was still fucking there went and sat in the backseat.

Okay, let's handle one idiot at a time.

"I'm not getting out of the car!" She yells, "Move."

I let out a frustrated groan and try to get the car door open. It opens partway until Clara realizes what's happening and pulls back.

I suppose it had drizzled earlier which had made the handle so slippery giving Clara an undoubted advantage because the stupid handle kept on slipping from my hand.

I sigh and give up in the end siting on the front seat next to the her.

I scrunch my nose, "This car smells like feet."

She ignores me barely even noticing the fact that I'm in the car. I eye the gear lever. She's busy struggling with trying to put the keys in the ignition so I take the opportunity and switch it to reverse.

Reverse was definitely the better option. The cafeteria wall was behind us, and it was practically paper-thin. In front of though a few hundred meters was a lake and I genuinely was in mood for a midnight swim.

She finally manages to insert the key and the car immediately comes alive.

I roll my eyes and reach across her grabbing the seat belt and placing it carefully across her body.

"Is there anyway I can stop you from doing this?" I ask, "This is stupid. You have nothing to prove to-"

"I can do this." She grits her teeth, "I can do this on my own because I am somebody who is brave."

Before I can start to understand what's she's trying to say she slams her foot down on the accelerator. We promptly move backwards crashing into the cafeteria walls.

It barely makes a sound and just like I had predicted it bends like cardboard.

I quickly angle myself towards her and she's siting perfectly untouched her eyes widened, "What just happened?"

"Car was in reverse." I say, "Now are you done with this stupidity or do you want to-"

"I don't feel so good."

"Okay let's get you out of here." I say and get out of the car. She hadn't done much just accidently back the car through the cafeteria wall. Loudmouth, was all right in the backseat just passed out.

I open her side of the door and help her out. She stumbles out but I support her weight easily.

"Are you hurt?" I ask her and she shakes her head. I let out a sigh of relief.

She surveys the damage yawning slightly, "Well I'm going to absolutely suck at parallel parking."

"Do me a favor and just stay away from cars for at least a few more years." I say.

"No I don't plan on getting into accidents without you being there to save me." She says, "You put the car in reverse didn't you?"

I stare at her surprised she actually noticed that.

"I maybe out of it but I'm not dumb." She says.

I roll my eyes, "Well somebody had to stop you."

"I know." She says, "Thank you. Wait wasn't there someone in the backseat?"

"He'll be alright." I wave her off, "Come on let's get you back before you make yet another stupid decision. I don't think I have the energy to try to stop you again."

"You don't have to you know." She says, "This wasn't your fault. You could have just-"

"No." I say forcefully, "It's my fault. I got you here. I shouldn't have that doesn't make me a very good person."

"Why do you do that?" She asks, "You pretend you're this horrible person when you're not. I don't know what to believe. The boy you are now or the boy who sleeps with girls and flirts with them without ever giving them a bother thought."

"Sleeps with- what?" I ask incredulously.

She looks at me amused, "You've got a reputation around campus. They all say that you flirt with just about anyone and you sleep a-"

"Sleeping as in sleeping in bed. Alone." I pause for a moment, "I don't go around anywhere. I do sleep a lot that's true but it's just me on the incredibly uncomfortable torture devices they like to call beds here. Unless Millie decides to climb up at night. You didn't hear it from me but she's an extremely needy dog."

She laughs out loud, "And the flirting?"

"Maybe I'm just checking if you're paying attention."

She smiles, "That was so smooth. Shit. You're good and the worst part I do. I do pay attention. Much more than I would like too. And I hate that I can't stop staring when you're around."

I smirk and she groans, "I can't believe I said that out loud. I'm going to kill myself in the morning."

I roll my eyes, "Come on let's get you back. You've had enough fun for today. You're not going to remember anything in the morning anyway."

She stops suddenly.

"I won't remember anything tomorrow?" She says, "Nothing?"

"I don't know what they gave you but mostly no." I say, "You're pretty drunk too."

"B-but-" She says slowly, "I don't want to forget."

"Not forget what? " I say, "Where you probably broke a millio-"

"I don't want to forget this side of you." She says, "The one that's not so-so- unattainable, and such a jerk and the kiss, I absolutely do not want to forget the kiss."

Her answer stops me short on whatever I was saying.

"That was my first kiss." She says, "I don't want to forget that."

I stare at her shocked, "Okay this is how I know that you're really out of it. Let's just-"

"Do you find the fact that I don't want to forget my kiss with you shocking?" She asks.

"No." I say, "I'm sure that I'm a brilliant kisser but wouldn't you rather have it under better circumstances when you're not trying to distract me from stopping you making stupid decisions? "

She eyed the car, "Seems like you failed big time in that."

I shrug, "What can I say? The distraction worked Clara."

She scrunches her nose; "I like it better when you call me Car. "

"Didn't you think it was stupid? "I ask.

She gives a small smile, "I lied."

I smile, "Okay Car, let's get you back now."

She hesitates before saying, "You're right Jake. That shouldn't have been my first kiss, not like that."

She sounds more thoughtful now than loopy and I suppose the effects are finally wearing off and she's coming to her senses. She's probably thinking how it should have been her friend or whatever back home, Alec.

For some reason that makes me mad. I turn around starting to walk but her voice stops me short, "Jake?"

I turn around impatiently, "Yeah?"

"I want you to kiss me again."

I stare at her blankly waiting for her to start laughing or go loopy again but she doesn't. She simply looks at me wistfully with her greyish blue eyes shining.

"What?" I ask.

She smiles but it's a small one and takes a few steps in front so that she's only a few inches away from me.

"I want you to kiss me again, Jake." She whispers softly.

Her scent is overwhelming a mixture of chocolate and maple syrup. I don't think I'll ever be able to get too much of it.

"You don't want this."

"I do." She says, "I know, I do. So If I tell you to kiss me now what would you say?"

"I shouldn't." I breathe but without meaning to leaned in closer.

And this time when she smiles it's a wide one, not the one she gave Henry or anyone else but the one she only gives me.

She leans in even more and I repeat again, "I shouldn't. "

"I know." She says softly, the grin still on her face, "But do it anyway."

And that's when I kiss her.

Fuck being the good guy or doing the right thing I didn't care anymore.

It's a kiss that lasts forever and yet for no time at all and when we finally pull back to catch our breath she rests her head on my chest. She's swaying now, her high clearly wearing off and tiredness setting in.

"You shouldn't have done that. "She says, "But I'm glad you did anyway. That was a first kiss I'll remember forever."

"I'm that good a kisser huh?" I smirk.

I can't see her face but I can bet she's rolling her eyes.

"Do me a favor." She says weaving her hand through mine, "If I'm ever stupid enough to forget just remind me."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" I ask dumbly.

"Just kiss me dummy!" She says, "And I'll remember."

"You know how ridiculously untrue that is right?" I say, "That kind of thing only happens in fairytales."

"I know." She says, "But you can at least try."

"I'm not Prince Charming, Clara." I say.

"No you're not." She yawns, "But I've never been princess material either."

"You'd probably trip over the big poufy gown." I say.

She nods.

"Jake?" She asks after one silent moment.

"Yeah?"

"Will you promise that if I forget at least you'll try to remind me?" She asks.

"You want me to kiss you again that badly, huh?" I joke.

"Do you promise?" She asks again and squeezes my hand. She stops and squeezes it once more. Although they're small and barely but they are hopeful and expectant,"Please."

I stare at our hands for a moment and then I squeeze her hand back gently. Twice.

"I promise."

__________________

The next day the entire camp was buzzing with the news of the car parked in the middle of the cafeteria.

A full assembly had been called for it, which was disappointingly predictable. Most people had guessed that it had something to do with me and I didn't know whether to be offended or just baffled as to why people thought I was quite literally the cause of everything bad.

On my way to the hall I spotted a familiar blonde head making her way carefully towards the auditorium.

And the minute I saw her, I knew, she didn't remember a thing. She was back to being Clara Wilson the girl in love with Alec Evans and the girl who knew better than Jake Henderson.

I don't know why but it made me mad. It made me angry at everything and made me just want to hit something.

Even though I knew that it had been a slim possibility that she would actually remember I was still mad. I was harsher to her that necessary but I didn't care.

I took the blame for the entire car in the cafeteria. I told them I was the one driving it and Clara's name wasn't even mentioned once.

I'd like to say I did it because it was the noble; the right thing to do but that wasn't true.

It was because I didn't think I would be able to stay in this camp for even a second more without quite possible burning the whole place down. I needed to get out of the shit hole as fast as possible and this was my best bet.

So I took it.

But it backfired, big time.

I didn't get kicked out, my mom made sure to that and I not only got stuck in camp but the person who had to keep an eye on me and practically act like my probation officer was none other than Clara Wilson.

Yeah, the universe had a sick sense of humor.

She was completely blank about what happened that night only remembering hazy bits like the car and the fact that she got drunk and did some other stuff.

The guilt in her voice is enough to stop me from telling her anything more because she wasn't the kind of girl who wanted to remember doing all of this.

So maybe I should have stopped acting like a five year old who got his ego majorly damaged and forget it about it like any smart fourteen year old.

It was easier said than done.

Especially when she was quite literally there with me for the entire day.

So that's when I stopped acting like a five year old and took the two year old approach instead.

Which was basically annoying the shit out of her so that she wouldn't even start to question what happened that night. Hell I was a hundred percent sober and I didn't know what happened that night. The only thing I really knew that the more I thought about it the more it scared the absolute shit out of me.

So avoiding her was out of question but annoying her wasn't and I realized quite early on that I was extremely good at it.

I knew exactly what ticked her off but she didn't take it standing boy did she give it back. Like the time she'd taken my phone and texted practically every girl on the damn campus (I don't even know how she got all their numbers or my phone for that matter)

I got swarmed by girls.

Quite literally swarmed by them and I don't even know where my jacket went.

So I got payback by screwing with her clothes so that the only thing she really did have left to wear were her shorts.

Not once did I even try to remind her, what was the point? It meant nothing.

Didn't it?

Though that all went to shit the day Clara Wilson pushed me down a hill and ended up falling down with me.

Clara never did have the best balance but I never really cared because it always gave me an excuse to catch her.

But when Clara's body slammed into me sending both of us tumbling down a hill straight into a forest at night I was seriously starting question her this particular talent of hers because fuck, it hurt.

When we finally did stop I held my breath trying to check if I was still alive. I'd always suspect this girl would probably end up killing me, maybe out of sheer annoyance or just accidentally and I probably wouldn't even mind as much.

But it's still a relief to hear my heart thumping like crazy signaling that I was still very much part of the world of the living. Clara-

Before I could start to panic if something had happened to her voice calls out my name.

"Jake!" I feel her hands on my shoulders and her voice cuts through the night as she tries to shake me magically awake, "Jake! Please be okay! Wake up!"

I start laughing and open my eyes expecting this to be all a big joke where Clara Wilson would probably tell me dammit,"I was hoping you'd be dead I just needed to make it look convincing so that it didn't look like I murdered you.

"Sorry." I say, "I couldn't hold my breath for longer."

"God your such a jerk." She says but there is something extremely shaky about her voice, which instead I chose to ignore and mock her, "Jake-Jake please be oka-"

I stop when it realize that Clara has shrunk back and she's shaking slightly taking in short shallow breaths as if she's crying.

She's crying?

"Shit Car." I say, "Are you crying?"

She shakes her head violently, "Any sane person would be crying right now."

I felt terrible and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around-

Nope she'd probably finish the job and kill me if I even thought of breaching her personal space.

"I didn't think you'd take it so seriously." I say, "It was a joke."

"No it wasn't. Have you ever thought what would happen if something really happened to you?" She asks her voice shaky, "What would happen to me?"

Happen to her?

Why would anything happen to her?

I look at her curiously, "I thought you hated me. Why would you if something-"

"Don't. You. Dare. Finish. That. Sentence." She says and for a second I think she's going to kill me herself despite everything. She's angry as hell and I can't quite figure out why.

She sighs, "I don't hate you Jake. Although you a jerk and annoying but I don't want you dead, most of the times. "

I raise an eyebrow smiling just a little bit, "Most of the times?"

"Well killing you is a task that is solely my job." She says returning the smile.

I laugh giving her an unconvincing"Uh-uh."

She rolls her and I slowly get up testing if anything is broken, "Okay I think we should start moving."

I bend down slightly stretching my arms towards her in an attempt to help her up, "Come on let's get you up."

She puts her hand in mine and I pull her up. She stumbles but I catch her by the waist steadying her so she doesn't fall.

I definitely like the fact that she has no balance.

She's still unsteady on her feet and I place my hand on either side of her face and ask, "Anything broken or hurting?"

For a second her eyes glaze over and I'm afraid that she may have hit her head or is about to faint.

"Clara?" I ask, "You okay?"

She snaps out of it and her eyes clear and she manages to nod.

"I think so." She says stepping back from me and scanning herself up and down. She looks in one piece except for her legs.

They are completely scratched up and scraped bleeding heavily.

It's those damn shorts. Fuck she's hurt and its-

"You know it's better than it looks. "She says "It doesn't hurt that much."

One of her hands is wrapped around my shoulder and she's leaning on me heavily.

It was ridiculous that's she was trying to make me feel better when she was the one who was bleeding and hurt.

"Jake. I'm fine." She says, "Because I know you're going to get us out of this. I trust you."

I trust you.

How many times has someone said that to me?

Never.

Why would Clara Wilson of everyone trust me? Out of everyone she had every reason to hate me. I was always getting her into shit.

"You trust me?" I ask her unsurely and her smile widens.

It's one of her breathtaking smiles and it scares me how this girl and that smile of hers can make someone feel.

Someone being an operative term for me.

"Always." She says, "But if you ever pull that kind of shit again by scaring the living daylights out of me by dying on me, or fake dying or whatever I'm going to personally going to-

"I get it, I get it. " I say and smirk, "You care about me and I promise I'll never let anything happen to this adorable face."

She rolls her eyes, "Good and remember I hate people who can't keep promises they make."

I stop.

Promise me that you'll at least try.

Why hadn't I kept it?

Because I was fucking terrified of what this girl could do to me. What I could do to her.

I hadn't kept it because I shouldn't.

If I knew what was good, I shouldn't even try.

But I was going to do it anyway.

So I grin and take her hand giving it two small squeezes "I wouldn't even dream of breaking it."

After that we started talking. She told me about herself. She lived her grandmother and her sister. She told me about her best friend Nancy or something I'm not sure but she sounded like a total bitch, she talked about movies, she talked about books.

She told me about her unhealthy obsession with Kit Kats and Nutella and the fact that she kept a diary.

I kept on dropping hints, trying to nudge her to remember as to what really happened that night.

Like the time when the both of us snuck out of the camp to get some much needed junk food.

"Okay fine, fine." I say raising my hands in a manner of surrender, "I'll stop."

We were talking about our favorite books and she'd just told me about her undying love for Harry Potter and captain underpants. I'd probably teased her a lot more than necessary and she looked like she was going to kill me so I changed the topic.

"I like the Harry Potter series too." I say," if our little banter during the first day of camp didn't give it away."

"What's your favorite scene?" She asks me.

I look at her unsurely people usually jump to favorite character or favorite book but Clara Wilson wasn't people, she was... she was different, "I don't have a favorite scene but I do have a favorite thing."

I stop and she says "Go on."

"The Remembrall." I say carefully,"I'd like that you know? An object that reminds you that you've forgotten something but doesn't tell you what. It's kind of like a challenge in a way."

I meet her gaze and she's looking at me thoughtfully. It's a pathetic roundabout way of trying to get her to remember and like expected it doesn't work.

"Wow, you make it sound like it's only when you forget something special." She says,"What if you just forgot your homework?"

"Well then, I guess it just depends on what you are trying to remind yourself of." I say quietly and then shake my head it was stupid to hope anyway,"What's your favorite color?"

"Purple." She says.

I look at her curiously, "Why purple?"

She shrugs, "I don't know I guess I just like it."

"Why not red or pink?"

"First of all just because I'm a girl I don't have to like pink and anyway I absolutely despise those colors. You try being born on 14th of February and deal with all the crappy gifts that seemed to only come in those colors."

I smirk, "You're born on Valentines day?"

"What's your favorite color?" She asks clearly avoiding the question.

I don't know how it happens maybe its the fact that I'm staring at her, but at that moment I can't think of any color that I like more than the color of her eyes"Greyish blue, the kind the sky gets when it's about to rain. It's unpredictable because you don't know whether it will clear out the next second or it's going to get darker."

She raises an eyebrow, completely oblivious, "Sounds dreary."

Clara Wilson? Dreary?

Not even close.

I smile, "Not dreary, just different."

At that moment I think everything was okay. We kept on talking until we got back.

And that's when I found out about the video. Loudmouth blabbed it all out as soon as I reached the room along with the fact that they were planning on playing it on the day of the play.

It had been stupid on my part because I had never even thought as to why loudmouth had followed me all the way to the car. They'd taped her that entire night.

Fuck. She'd be destroyed if that video came out.

So I gave them another alternative. Her diary. It took a lot manipulation but none of them were overly smart, just ruthless.

But in the end it was going to be me who was going to have to read it out loud.

In front of three hundred people.

She would hate me for it.

But it was the right thing to do.

Clara Wilson could handle being laughed at, she was far stronger than that but could she handle watching herself do all those things?

It would ruin her. Her future and everything else.

So I did it. I read her diary out loud in front of everybody, in front of her.

It's funny really I remember everything that happened in that camp word to word moment to moment but if you asked me what I read out loud, I'd say I have no idea.

But the look that Clara Wilson gave after I was done and I finally glanced up was something I would remember forever.

Because it wasn't angry, it was just so utterly disappointed.

The real play began after that, some shit version of Cinderella. I'd probably would have not even gone on stage had I not realized there was one last chance.

My last chance to keep my promise.

During the play Clara was supposed to slow dance with me before Cinderella entered.

For a second I thought she wouldn't show up but she did. She took her place right in front of me looking straight at me but.. not at me at all.

The music started and she put one hand in mine while the other rested on my shoulder. She smelt like she always did, an overwhelming scent of chocolate and maple syrup.

But there was something utterly cold and detached about her.

She hated me.

Of course she did what the fuck had I expected? Rainbows and unicorns after I read her most private thoughts in front of three hundred people?

But I had to do that.

I had to do that to save her from what I had dragged her into that night.

That tape would have destroyed her and if I showed it to her she would find about the kiss and I-

I-I don't know what the fuck I was doing right now.

She hated me. She couldn't even look at me and it fucking killed me.

I find myself drifting off to the night Clara Wilson stood in front of me and asked mean to kiss her.

Asked me to remind her I'd I forgot.

Promise me you'll remind me?

How?

Just kiss me dummy.

So I did.

To hell with the audience, to hell with the fact that this was completely insane and desperate but I didn't care.

Because I was absolutely fucking terrified of her hating me.

At least you'll try.

I did.

She was completely still in my arms throughout the entire thing and when I finally pulled back her greyish blue eyes were furious.

She didn't remember a thing.

She consequently slapped me straight in the face and stormed off the stage telling Cinderella to throw her shoe at me instead of just leaving it there.

This is why I fucking hate fairytales.

Because they are a load of shit stuffed why the throats of innocent children making them believe in crap like happily ever after's and shit like that even when it's absolutely not true.

And in that moment like some idiot I had too but if anything she hated me even more. If that was even possible. After all Clara Wilson wanted her first kiss to be perfect and I had just impulsively ruined it.

I had ruined everything.

Just like I did with everything.

____________

So Doctor Saunders thinks that I'm finally ready to talk about Millie's death.

He refuses to let me go anywhere until I write it all down and finally come to terms with it.

There is nothing to come to terms with, Millie died because of me.

And that's all.

He's still not letting me go. It's been two fucking hours and there is a limit to how many inappropriate cartoons I can draw before I get bored.

It's been three hours now.

Fuck it, what difference will this one time make when I practically see it every night during my nightmares.

Millie died because of me.

That afternoon we were playing a game of catch in the library, she had a habit of tearing up all my clothes when I say no.

I threw the ball at the far corner of the library near the currently unlit fireplace. It lands right in between the wood and I'm about to warn Millie not to get too close to poker by telling her to heel but that's when my father barges into the room.

"What is this?" He says waving a paper in his hand.

It's not hard to guess what it was.

Our school had asked us to put down our preferences for subjects to start once high school began. I'd made it a point to drop any classes that were even near to business and taken all science ones.

"Why does this have none of the subjects you should be taking?" He asks.

"I'm taking the subjects I want to take, not the ones you think I should take." I shoot back.

"This is ridiculous. You're going to be the heir to-"

"I don't want to be your heir." I say, "It's not what I want. It's what you want. I don't want to go near that company of yours."

"You don't know what you want."

"Yes. Yes I do." I say, "I want to be a doctor. I want to help people not rule over them like some make believe king. I've never wanted to handle the company, you know that. "

"Everyone wants power." My father counters, "I've given everything to the company and I'm not going to let you throw away everything just because of your foolish dreams."

"They are not foolish and they are mine." I say, "I don't want to be a part of your misplaced ambition. This is not my responsibility because look where that has gotten you. You have fucking nobody and you're a selfish coward that hides behind his power too afraid to face the fact that he's such a-"

This time his hit isn't to keep me in check or to show me that its his way or nothing, it's pure fury it knocks me straight of balance right into the glass table.

The glass shatters under me and I fall on the shards.

And Millie jumps on my father. She's absolutely rabid biting him and manages to take a good chunk of his arm before he manages to throw her off.

He shoves her with so much force that she hits the wall hard. She's unable to move and my father looks absolutely furious.

He grabs the poker in his hand and I realize what he's going to do a second before he raises it.

No.

No.

"Don't." I manage to say, I want to move but it's like my mind is racing a million miles before my body that's struggling to catch up.

"Do it. Beg." He says, "Beg for her life."

"I'll do anything." I plead, "Just leave my dog alone. Please dad. Please don't do this."

And the smile he gives me at that moment is the one that makes me realize that there is absolutely nothing good about my father.

"The difference, between a man of power and the doctor that you want to be is exactly this." He says, "This filthy pet you own, its life is in my hand Jake. I have the power."

"Okay." I say desperate to calm him, "You're right. I'll do it. I'll be whatever the hell you want me to be."

He smiles at me, "Good."

And then he brings the poker down. It all happens so fast I can't keep up with it because the next moment the poker is out and he's wiping the blood of it with his satin handkerchief.

He turns to me, "You wanted to be a doctor? Let's see you be one now."

And he turns and leaves.

And I don't know maybe it's hours later or simply minutes later but my mom rushes into the library to find me siting there covered in blood just staring at the body of my dog, who had been my best friend for over ten years.

Millie was long dead. And in the end he was right. What use was I trying to help anyone when I couldn't even help Millie.

I kept on pushing him what did I expect? It was my fault.

It was all my fault.

And he'd played his hand perfectly.

But what was even better was his next move.

My mom announced a week after that she was leaving my dad and she'd fight full custody for me.

Because he sent me a copy of the agreement papers. It was written clearly in the paper itself that if she decided to stay and not divorce him he wouldn't give her a single dime but if they got served she'd still have all the access she has now, to all of his property as well her share of a very large sum.

He'd practically blackmailed my mom into a divorce just so that he could prove that in the end it was always him who would hold the cards, that he was always right.

I had begged my mom over and over again to leave my dad and she never had. Not until he'd turned the tables on her just to prove the point that in the end my mother stuck here for the money not me.

Never me.

It was the ultimate taunt, by showing me that everything I had said about him being alone applied to me too.

Mom won't win the custody case and he would get full custody over me. That's what he had wanted I'm the first place.

I don't know why she's even trying. I don't want her to try. I didn't even care anymore.

I don't care.

I just fucking don't.

She suggested that I go to therapy, which is what brought me here in the end.

Woo-fucking-hoo.

______

Last session with shrinkie, I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm think I'm actually going to miss it.

So for the final question shrinkie has asked me as to why I chose to write about Clara Wilson considering how it ended with her.

It was actually because of the last time I saw her.

I was feeling far more murderous than usual and I had been hauled up in my room for days.

I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to do anything. Now that, that was depressed.

And then Clara came. I don't know what made me open the door; I had been ignoring everyone for the past few days.

But I opened the door and Clara stood there with her hand raised to knock again looking at me unsurely and uncomfortably.

I probably looked like hell but I didn't care, I really didn't.

"Hi." She says softly. Something flashes in her eyes and it's pity I suppose which is still stunning considering that she should be gloating that I got what I deserved after everything I did to her.

I don't say anything to her, regretting that I had even opened the door. Hadn't I had enough guilt too last a lifetime? Then why the fuck does it seem like the universe takes every opportunity to toss more in my face.

She just stands there uncomfortably and I'm about to slam the door shut to hell with manners but her hand comes and suddenly comes to a rest on top of mine.

She stares at me her eyes wide before she finally manages to choke out, "I-I'm sorry about M-Millie."

And she squeezes my hand twice with that she turns and leaves walking away as fast as she can.

I stare after her unable to say anything. She squeezed my hand twice.

Did she remember?

Did she know?

No she didn't. She'd done it almost instinctively as if she didn't even know she was doing it.

She hadn't remembered and yet she'd cared. Even after everything I'd done to her she'd somehow cared just enough.

And that's what made all the difference.

I'm probably going to burn this book so that nobody finds it, god this probably the single most embarrassing and creepy thing I've done but shrinkie needs to keep his mouth shut because of the entire patient confidentiality agreement.

Thank god.

But I suppose I'll end up keeping it. Maybe if I ever meet Clara Wilson I'll give it to her, I think it seems fair it took her diary she gets a peek at this journal.

I still refuse to call this a diary. But I'm definitely going to keep it to hope that maybe I'll meet her again one day and set the record straight. I'll get a second chance to tell her the truth.

It ends there and I sit there refusing to move, refusing to breathe.

And then slowly I reach for the phone and pick it up slowly dialing a number.

It goes straight to voice mail. I talk seemingly for hours but I don't cry, I don't stammer, I don't falter, not even once. Because I'm sure about everything I'm saying, because I'm not unsure and I'm not wrong.

And then when I'm finally done I keep the phone down and play video number one again where Jake is looking nervously at the camera as he starts speaking.

And then I read the book. Again.

And I repeat the process again and again until I finally fall asleep.

My exams are starting on Monday and I haven't started studying. Im so dead. So so so dead. This chapter was really hard to write because it's so disconnected and just aaaaah. I don't like- well I'm not going to bore you with all the faults in this chapter and if you've actually reached the end thank you for not giving up!

Okay since I'm done with this I'm going to start studying. Byeeeeee.

P.S: fun fact 23rd October just happens to be Rebecca's Birthday. LOL.

Next Update: Somewhere in the future.

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