Array
(
[text] =>

UNEDITED: Not proofread either so if sentences are just randomly missing or something doesn't make sense let me know so i can fix it later.

This is a boring fillery but important for character development chapter. Sorry guys no Jake in this chapter. This is my let's fix all her side relationships chapter as well as the chapter that will set up the basis for the spin off. Yes, this book has a spin off called Just Ask Juliet which is already up! More details down below and trailer for the book is posted on top.

Around Three to Four Chapters till the end of this book.

It's afternoon by the time I can get myself out of bed. I'm quick to change realizing that my time running away from my problems is over and now I'm going to have to face them all head on and fix the mess I had created for myself.

It's a daunting task and I'm almost tempted to go back to sleep and just hide from them a little longer but I can't do that.

I grip the pen drive and the book as hard as I can, taking a deep breath in.

I can do this.

I'm going to fix things.

I open the door of the room slowly, unsure of where I could find Natalie and thank her for.. for everything.

Natalie's parents aren't home, that much is clear as I make my way down the stairs. I suppose it's one of the things that kept us together as friends for so long, the fact that we both had terrible parents.

But I had my grandmother and though Natalie's parents hadn't quite abandoned her like mine practically did, I never stopped to wonder why she turned out the way she did and why I turned out the way I did it.

Because despite everything I'd always had my grandmother.

My heart twists painfully and I have to repress the urge of panic that comes with me even thinking about what I had found out yesterday.

One thing at a time Clara. You can do this.

I finally find Natalie in the living room. Books are sprawled all over the place and she's siting in-between the jumble of papers and books, her eyebrows furrowed, concentrating on the text book in front of her.

Natalie Anderson was studying.

For a second I almost think it's a joke. Natalie didn't study. The years we had been friends, Natalie never even touched her books.

And yet...

It was just another thing I'd been wrong about.

"You know, instead of standing there and just staring at me like I've just teleported from another planet, you could just clear your throat and say hello." Natalie says making me jump.

"Y-You're-"

"I know studying." She says quietly,"Unusual for me isn't it?"

"I didn't mean it that way." I say quickly.

"Yes you did." She says,"But unlike you I actually have to work to graduate. Not all of us can get into a top notch college with no effort whatsoever."

It wasn't true. Although I could scrape a B without too much effort, I'd always had to work my butt off to be at the top.

"If you need hel-"

"I don't need your help." She snaps at my offer and I flinch.

She takes a deep breath and puts her book down and finally turning towards me,"I'm sorry. It's just that I've been stuck on math since morning and I'm tense. I need a B to graduate."

I stare at her with my mouth open,"Did you just apologise to me?"

She stops for a moment her eyes wide and then simply shrugs,"Huh. I guess I did."

"Wow." I say,"That's something I didn't think I'd ever get to see."

"Then let's agree never to talk about this." She says,"I'd rather be called stupid because I don't study. Not because I try so hard and I still don't get a word."

She turns back around as she starts reading the text book. I stand there awkwardly until she sighs.

"What now?" She asks,"Just spit it out."

"Who asked you to check up on me?" I ask.

"Rebecca." She says,"She paid me a little visit last night."

"Why?"

"To punch me in the face after she found out I slept with her boyfriend." She says and then quickly corrects herself,"Sorry ex. She was adamant I use the word ex."

"Rebecca punched you?" I ask and there is this huge grin on my face that I can't seem to keep off.

"At least try to feel sorry for me. The girl may be tiny but she sure as hell knows how to punch." Natalie says and then shrugs,"I deserved it and she promised to punch Jeremy twice as hard, so I was all too happy. But I am curious."

She pauses for a second.

"What made you tell her in the end?" Natalie asks,"You'd quite literally blackmailed my mouth shut."

I sigh. I can't quite forgive myself for doing it yet, I can't believe I had done it and to be honest, I didn't quite know how it slipped out. Yesterday had been my final breaking point and I'd said and done things that were absolutely unredeemable.

I was going to try to fix them none the less.

Despite the fact quite literally lost the reign on anything and everything yesterday I'd learned that I was stronger than I thought I was. And in the end it turned out that all I needed was the black box that had been lying in my house all this while to put things into perspective.

Because Jake's Clara wasn't a coward. And no matter how far from grace I had fallen I was determined to be the girl he saw me as, the girl who was brave, the girl who was different and the girl who wasn't afraid.

"I chose Alec over her." I wince as it comes out,"No I chose the idea of Alec over her. Like an idiot."

"I would call that idiotic." Natalie agrees,"Although I'm going to be perfectly honest your best friend doesn't look nearly as heartbroken as I'd thought she would be. She just looks mad."

"Rebecca is Rebecca." I say,"She's tough. But I still didn't want her to go through it."

Natalie sighs,"Take this as the only piece of advice I'll ever give you except to drastically change your fashion sense. It's not your choice to make. Don't play God for your friends Clara just learn to let go, let them live their life, you live yours. It's not your responsibility to clean up everybody's screw ups for them because in the end all you end up looking like is a nosy goody two shoes who can't handle anything but perfection the way she likes it."

I stay silent for some time,"It's what I did to you didn't I? Micromanaged you into what should have been Clara Wilson's perfect best friend?"

"I know you didn't mean it like that." She says,"But it did feel like that and let's face it Clara how long would we have lasted anyway? I'd be off cheerleading and being awesome while you'd still be looking like a hobo in some corner."

"Wow." I say, but still I'm smiling,"That's real nice."

"Rebecca, though." She says,"That chick is either a genius or just crazy. But she cares, far more than I did. Now that's a good friend. I was shocked when she asked me to check up on you."

So am I. If I were Rebecca I would run me over with a car right after I was done with Jeremy.

"I don't deserve her for a friend"

"No you probably don't." She says,"But then good for you, I suppose. I'm pretty sure she cancels out the red haired bitch who slept with Alec the day of the football game."

My mouth drops,"How did you know?"

"Well they weren't very discreet about it." Natalie shrugged,"I was surprised it wasn't all over the Gossip Review that week. I suppose that must be Rebecca too."

"Wait a second." I say,"Are you telling me that everyone in school knew about the fact that Samantha almost slept with Alec for nearly a month?"

She shrugs,"Yeah. Isn't that why you went off tracks with all the alcohol and shit? Because you found out that Alec cheated on you with her?"

"I just found out yesterday." I say dumbfounded,"I'd always thought that people thought Alec dumped me because of Jake."

She raises an eyebrow,"Seriously what do you live under, a rock? Everyone knows you've got a thing going with Jake which is why everyone has left you alone but as far as the school is concerned Alec has been branded as the cliche who cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend and you're the hero who is currently in a relationship with her ex's stepbrother. You're a shoo in for Prom Queen."

I blink,"I got nominated for Prom Queen? When did all of this happen?"

She sighs,"Wow. What have you been doing?"

Drowning in my whiny mind.

"I thought I was avoiding everyone because they thought I cheated on him with Jake and they'd probably kill me for doing anything to Alec."

She rolls her eyes,"You've still got that Alec Evans can do no wrong mentality don't you?"

I taste something bitter in my mouth,"No. Not anymore."

She shrugs,"Wow. Maybe now you guys will actually work out."

I hesitate for a moment before answering,"No. No. I don't think that's going to happen. It's not going to work out, not like that."

This time Natalie actually turns and stares at me as if she can't quite believe what I'm saying.

"So you're really with Jake?" She asks looking confused,"But didn't he leave?"

And he's probably never coming back. Not after the things I've said to him.

I don't think I have it in me to give up hope on us just yet. Not after what I'd read, the side of him I'd seen. But I'd done my best, the voice mail... Whatever I had said it was the best I could do and if that wasn't enough....

Then that was simply it.

"I don't know." I say truthfully,"Jake and I... "

I trail off and then take a deep breath,"I don't know what's going to happen between Jake and I but as far as Alec is concerned it's over. At least in that way, it took me a while but I realised there was nothing there, just a girl who needed someone to hold on too because she had no one else."

"Good for you."

"Y-You do know you're better than Jeremy." I blurt,"Rebecca is and so are you. You shouldn't-"

"I know." Natalie says simply.

"Oh." I say,"Okay."

"So now since we are done." She says,"I need to go back to being stupid."

I want to offer help again but I bite it back quickly.

"You know." I say quietly,"You're not stupid. You've never been stupid. It may look like that to you but see yourself from somebody else's perspective and you'll realise that there is a lot more to you than the person you think you are."

She sighs,"Are you returning the favor from yesterday? Because I really don't need a pity-"

"It's not pity Natalie." I say,"When I was sitting on that sidewalk yesterday, you said you knew what it was like to give up. I know what it's like to feel like I'm a screw up at everything. Trust me it's not just a feeling. I quite literally screwed up everything. And the one support I.."

I falter, I couldn't talk about my grandma just yet.

She sighs,"I get it...Now, if you're done feel free to leave."

I know I've crossed a certain boundary but I still stand there fiddling nervously with the clothes I'd worn at night, unsure of what to say.

"I-I was wondering where to keep the clothes you gave me." I say unsurely,"You know in case I have a break down again and you're stuck baby sitting me again."

She's silent for one long moment and I shake my head,"You know what forget-"

"Put it in the laundry." She interrupts and I can almost see the small smile she has on her face,"You know where it is."

And that's when I realise that maybe my friendship with Natalie Anderson isn't completely over.

________________________

"Grandma?" I knock on her door softly, "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Her response is immediate and I take a deep breath before pushing the door open.

She looks fine, just like she always had, untouchable and invincible. She couldn't be sick. But that was the worst part of it all, because no matter how much I convinced myself otherwise in the end she'd still be sick.

The entire walk home had been me trying to keep myself from becoming a complete mess. Surprisingly I'd managed to hold it together, gripping the book in my hands far too tightly and convincing myself that I was going to be strong enough for this.

"So Natalie called this morning telling me that you were sleeping over." She said, "Imagine my shock."

I managed to smile a little although it doesn't hold for too long, "Yeah that was a last minute kind of thing. I was just as shocked as you were but turns out even after everything we can still be friends."

She smiles, "Of course you can."

There is a pause before my grandmother continues,"So Michella left and I-"

"I know." I blurt it out before I can help myself. My grandmother gives me a confused look and I take a deep breath.

"The meds?" I say,"We had an oncologist come to- it doesn't matter, but I know."

My voice barely comes out in a whisper and I'm biting my lip so that I don't burst into tears. I promised myself that I'd be stronger than that.

I'm pretty sure someone up there listening is going LOL! Like that was ever going to happen.

My grandmother doesn't seem shocked just resigned,"You found out. Did Michella have something-"

"No." I say,"Michella said a billion other things to cover this one up. But she didn't, your med cabinet-"

"Ah the oncologist who came to your school. That makes sense now." She says calmly,"When did you find out?"

"Yesterday night." I say quietly.

"And I suppose the laptop currently lying in Michella's room practically in shambles was your doing?" She asks.

"Uhh, maybe?" I ask,"Will you believe me if I said that it flew out of my hands completely on its own accord?"

Her lips turned into a faint smile,"I'd applaud you for pathetic excuse but no I'm not going to believe you."

I stand awkwardly at the door trying to put my jumbled thoughts into order, so that I could even begin to understand what was happening.

My grandmother hadn't said anything she was just staring at me with a distant expression which told me she was a million miles away.

"Come sit." She said, tapping the space on the bed next to her.

It was something I had done an awful lot as a kid, whenever I was upset or angry she'd always know how to calm me down. She'd make me sit next to her on that bed, talk about everything and nothing until I could finally think clearly again.

She'd been my pillar all along. She'd been my parent, my guardian, my hero, everything. And no matter what happened, she would always be that for me.

"How bad is it?" I ask.

"Pretty bad." She admits,"Blood cancer. Untreatable and all that jazz."

Oh god I cannot believe my grandmother was going to take the lets make fun of this road.

"How long?" I ask slowly,"How long have you known?"

"Nearly a year." She says and I gulp.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.

"I didn't want this to burden you."She says,"I was worried of how it may effect you."

I let out a snort,"You're dying and you're worried about me?"

"It's my job to be worried about you Clara." She says pulling me closer towards her,"You know that."

"But you didn't have to." I say trying to keep my voice from shaking,"You could have told me. So that I haven't been so selfish and self absorbed-"

"How old are you?" She asks.

I'm completely off guard with her question and I stare at her,"What?"

"How old are you?" She asks again.

"Why?"

"Humour the dying old lady won't you?"

I throw her a look and she smiles slightly.

"Too soon?" She asks.

I throw her another look and she rolls her eyes, "Fine. No jokes."

I swear to god my grandmother was a two year old at times.

"I'm eighteen." I say.

"Exactly." She says,"That's what you think. But for me you're always going to be the little girl with her two front teeth missing, who cried for at least an hour because she thought I'd left her forever in the hellhole that is kindergarten. It's not your job to take care of me Clara, it never has been. I can't ask you to put your life on hold to take care of me."

"But I want to." I say,"You know I'm going to anyway. And it's not some kind of chore or some kind of punishment for me. I can't believe you would even think that."

"I don't." She says,"You'd do it regardless of what I told you and it's not your job to fuss over me. You have your future-"

"You're my entire family grandma." I say,"I don't care about my fut-"

And then I stop because I realise what she's trying to say.

"Y-You-You're not even fighting this are you?" I ask,"It's why you didn't tell me b-because you don't want to fight this. You're not even going to try to become okay. You're just – just letting yourself die."

A pained expression crosses her face and I realize that I'm right.

"Clara I love you." She says,"But you hold everyone so tightly near you that you're so afraid to let go. Loosen the rope a little Clara, you have to let go. Don't be afraid to let go. If not now one day you're going to have to."

"I've come to terms with this." She says quietly,"I'm okay with it. I need you to be okay with it too."

"How can I be okay with this?" My voice rises dangerously high,"I can't just let you give up. How can you just give up?"

"I'm not giving up." She says, "I've just accepted-"

"But I don't want to." I whine like a two year old. I'm reduced to a mess for the billionth time in two days, but I don't care. I knew I should try to be strong but I can't. Fuck being strong, I deserved to be a whine and complain when the person who raised me was...

I burst into tears.

"See?" She says,"What did I tell you? Now all I need is some ribbons for your hair and we'd be able to recreate play school Clara Wilson."

"This is not funny." I say between sobs.

"I know." She says softly,"But believe me when I say that I'm okay with this."

"How could you be okay with dying?" I sniffle,"I'm not okay with it. I am absolutely not okay with you dying."

She smiles,"I know. So be brave for me? Believe that even if I sound crazy, it's what I want. I've come to peace with it and I'm asking you to do the same."

"You're asking me to be okay with the fact that you're dying?" I ask, "You're all I have Grandma and it's-"

"Baby, you know you have so much more." She says, "You have your friends , you have your future ahead. I've lived my life the way I want it and I have no regrets. Everything has to end and I'm perfectly fine with this particular end."

"You're asking me to just sit here and watch and just let you go?" I mumble, "How could you even think that? How do you expect me not to just sit here and watch you die?"

"Yes, I know." She says taking a deep breath in, "I know it's a lot for me to ask and it's terrible too but Clara, this what I want. I don't want to be treated like I'm made of glass and I'll break any moment. I don't want to fight a losing battle, I've surrendered and I'm much happier. I've come to terms with the fact that this is the way it's supposed to be. So yes, I'm asking you to let go, please."

I find myself at a loss for words.

"I-I-" I can't quite get anything out because the pain is almost crushing and I just can't think of anyway that I can do this.

How could I? S-She was my grandma, I-I couldn't- I j-just couldn't.

"I love you Clara." She says softly,"You've always been my daughter and you're my miracle. God only grants one miracle and you've been mine, I don't need another miracle, I don't want another miracle. And I need you to save yours for something far more important something far more worthy."

She takes a deep breath in,"But if you want me to fight this, I will. I will fight it for you, because I love you."

She's done so much for you Clara.

It's not about what you want.

It's not about what you need.

Learn to let go.

I can't-I- How can I just let go? How can I just give up in my grandmother and accept a fate for her that she's already resigned herself to?

I don't have the ability to part with things but for my grandmother, if that's what she wanted me to do, I would. I had to. Because I finally realize that holding things so close to me, so tightly, it wasn't love

It was purely selfish.

And I'd held on so tightly, to Jake, to Rebecca and even Alec that I lied to them, that I got caught up in their lies unable to see the truth and in the end it had all backfired.

Why?

Because I was too afraid to let go.

But I owed it to my grandmother to do this for her.

And I owed it to myself to finally grow up.

"Okay." I say,"I-If that's what you think is what's b-best for you. I will learn to be okay with it too."

She blinks twice as if she can't quite believe I've said that and to be honest neither can I.

But if she was willing to fight for me, I was willing to let go for her.

"You will?" She asks and I nod. It takes everything in me to put the smile on my face and just nod.

"I'll try." I say, "If that's truly what you want me to do. I'll do it. I-I won't ask you to fight this when you don't want to. I will learn to be okay with this, if that's what you want me to do. I promise you."

Pride shines through her eyes and I know despite what I've said, despite making a choice that would kill my grandmother without a fighting chance, it was the right choice.

But it sure as hell doesn't feel like it.

"Thank you."She says,"I seriously did not want to go bald, just yet."

I roll my eyes and then shake my head, "You're going to have to give me time though and I want to come during all your doctors appointment's –"

"You don't ha-"

"Please."

I think she hears it in my voice and understands that I need this when she finally concedes, "Okay. But no smothering and no hovering around I'll haunt you and you'll never be able to get rid of me."

I manage to laugh a little and though it's choked but I still laugh.

"I love you grandma." I say.

"I know you do sweetie." She says,"And I know you're going to be just fine without me."

I seriously doubt that.

"Grandma?" I ask.

"Yes?"

"Haunt me either way?" I ask, "I wouldn't mind."

She smiles, "Always."

__________________

Despite my promise not to hover around her, I do.

I can't help it.

When she got out of bed and I held a hand up to help her up to the kitchen she nearly killed me with her glare.

Sick or not my grandmother was adamant that she could handle herself.

Another thing I had to let go of.

After that I just chose to keep a watchful eye on her. I was being subtle of course as I sat in the living room with Jake's journal open in front of me as I read it for the millionth time.

I go over the words again, although I'd memorized most of them already, I cant get enough of his writing, the way he's written about me and him.

And what he'd been through......

His father had murdered his dog in front of him to prove a point, his mother had practically abandoned him.

If I had been in his place wouldn't I have also eventually turned towards Eric?

I would have.

And yet somehow in the middle of all of it, Jake Henderson managed to be undoubtedly good.

Think of something happy, Clara.

Jake.

Thing of something sad, Clara.

Jake.

Think of someone brave, Clara.

Jake.

I spend the rest of the day hovering until my grandmother quite literally kicks me out of the house telling me to go get a life.

I would probably spent the entire day on the porch had I not seen the figure standing in the drive way.

Samantha was standing there, looking absolutely unsure and nervous. She notices me a moment after I do and she opens her mouth to say something and but then shuts it.

"Clara I'm-"

Before she can finish I've practically tackled her with a bear hug. She hugs me back almost immediately and I'm grateful for it.

We break away and she looks shocked more than anything else.

"I thought you were going to punch me or something." Samantha says, "I'd sure as hell would deserve it after what I did."

"I'm sorry too." I say, "I said some pretty means things to-"

"Clara I almost slept with your boyfriend, while you were dating him." She says quietly.

"Oh." I say, "That."

"I know." She sighs, "I'm so so sorry. And you don't have to accept it I know I'm such a bitch and I should have known bette-"

"Sam." I interrupt, "It's okay. It really is okay. I don't mind."

She blinks, "You really don't?"

I shrug, "No. I know I should care more but I really don't. I was never mad at you because of Alec anyway, I was mad because.. I just needed a reason to be mad, nothing more and I'm sorry."

"You really don't care?" She says cautiously,"Because-"

"I don't." I say firmly,"And I'm not letting Alec come between us. If you want Alec you can have him."

And it was true. I wouldn't mind even one bit if she did.

Samantha makes a face,"Nope, I'd rather not. You can keep him, throw him do whatever but I've had just enough of Alec Evans right now. In fact I'm off boys right now, I'm planning on becoming a lesbian."

I grin,"Life would be so much easier."

"You have no idea." She says and we both laugh together.

There is a small silence afterwards and it's still slightly awkward but I'm glad to have Samantha back. In spite of whatever had gone on in between us, Samantha was still one of my best friends and now that I had her back, I realized just how much I missed her.

Maybe I should have been angrier, maybe I shouldn't have just blindly accepeted the apology but I'd realized that despite our clashing personalities and fights, she was still my best friend and that triumphed any petty quarrel.

"You know, I probably still wouldn't have come here if Rebecca hadn't threatened me to stop being a coward and just face you."Samantha says,"I was terrified of how much you would hate me but Rebecca said that you wouldn't be mad."

"She was right." I say,"She's almost always right."

"It's kind of annoying right?" Samantha asks and I nod.

"Do you think she'll forgive me, I really-"

"I know." Samantha says,"She told me what you did."

I hold my breath waiting for the verdict.

"To be honest I don't think she can hold a grudge." Samantha says, "She's probably just waiting for you to come and apologise so that she can insult the crap out of Jeremy in front of us."

"So if I tell her that I'm sorry and go along with a tub of ice cream and a Nicholas Sparks book do you think she'll forgive me?" I ask unsurely.

"Oh she forgave you the minute she heard ice-cream."

I let out a little scream almost falling down on the drive way as Rebecca emerged from the bushes.

"Were you hiding behind the bushes this entire time?" I ask her and she shrugs.

"Well obviously I couldn't risk Samantha here screwing up yet another apology." She says and then her voice softens,"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have lost my-"

And I'm hugging her before I know it.

"Aww." Rebecca says,"I know, I know I love me too. Come in here Sam, it's group hug time."

I let go immediately and Samantha makes a face,"You know what I'm going to sit this one out."

"How are you holding up?" I ask Rebecca and she shrugs.

"Jeremy is a lying cheating asshole and I deserve much better than him." She says, "I'm coping, I'll be fine right after I find an opportunity to punch him in the face."

"Yeah that better happen quickly because or else Rebecca's probably going to get a voodoo doll with his hair on it and start sticking pins in it." Samantha says.

"Pins?" Rebecca snorts,"I'm going to drill holes or hack it up with a chainsaw. But right now I think I'm going to stick to just avoiding him until school starts."

"What I really need is Ice-Cream loads of it." Rebecca says,"And it better be Butterscotch. And I need Dirty Dancing and any boy who looks absolutely jaw droppingly hot and not like Jeremy."

"Want Alec instead?" Samantha jokes and Rebecca makes a gagging sound.

"No." She says, "I rather be the one girl Alec hasn't had a thing between the three of us, thank you very much."

I laugh out loud and Samantha cocks her head to the side and says,"Touché."

"Okay how about we drive down to the grocery store and get all of the things for Rebecca's coping mechanism?" I suggest,"Everything except the voodoo doll and the drill of course."

Rebecca pouts,"Can we at least get a dart board with his face on it?"

I give her a look.

"Fine." She says,"I'll settle for fries and butterscotch ice cream."

"You guys can come over for a sleepover after that." I suggest.

Maybe it's my tone or the fact that I absolutely don't want to be alone at home that makes both of them nod instantly.

If I stayed alone every two seconds my thoughts would drift off to my grandma and I would be unable to give the space she had asked for by checking on her compulsively.

Then I would start thinking about Jake.

And then back to my grandma.

No, I don't think I could stay alone in that house just yet.

"I don't mind." Samantha says,"My parents are being assholes again, nagging me about my grades and I don't think how much of it I can take."

"I need a break too."Rebecca says,"I'm up for it."

"Great." I say relief flooding through me.

Maybe I could get through this after all.

"Okay, Rebecca if you had to choose between Alec or Jeremy right now who would you pick?"Samantha asks, flipping her red hair behind her as she came and sat next to me on my bed.

Our grocery trip had been uneventful unless you counted the time when Rebecca went to the manager and asked them if they had anything to shrink a guy's di-

Well you get it.

Luckily Samantha came to the rescue and we were out of there before he called the authorities.

Now siting in my bedroom Rebecca was glaring at Samantha as she had given her a choice between the two guys on the planet who she hated more than anything else.

"Why?" She asks, "Why would I ever do that?"

"Oh come on Bex, who do you hate more?" Sam prompts,"Although I don't know why you hate Alec so much-"

"Of course I hate him."Rebecca interrupts,"That asshole had no right to play with your feelings. He played with them for years and nobody messes with my friends."

I smile, "I love you, I hope you know that."

She scoffs, "Obviously, it's me."

I grin and even Sam laughs.

"Can I kill myself?" She asks, "It's either that or I'm going to cut my losses and turn into a serial killer and kill both of them. Maybe it would be good enough for Spencer Reid to come after- ooh can we watch Criminal Minds? I'd love to see some bloody murders right now."

"Now I'm genuinely scared." I say, "Should I be worried that you're going to start killing people?"

"No." She pauses, "Well not really."

Another pause.

"Okay it might be best to keep me away from Jeremy and a kitchen knife." She advices.

"Remember." I say, "I'll help you hide the body but that's it."

"Uh no." Samantha says, "I want a few stabs if it's Alec."

"I'll think about it." She considers, "Now what are we going to watch- how about the Last Song?"

"No." Samantha says firmly,"This will be the last day we are friends if you make me watch that movie."

Rebecca shrugs,"Fine. How about the Notebook?"

"No." Samantha and I are unanimous this time and Rebecca groans.

"It's harder to convince you guys to watch Nicholas Sparks than boyfriends." Rebecca whines.

"Well, duh!"Samantha says,"We don't have to sex with you at the end of it."

I laugh and Rebecca rolls her eyes,"Fine. What about, How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days?"

Samantha gives her a look,"Do you seriously think we need that? I bet I can lose a guy in an hour."

"I'd lose him in half an hour." I say drily.

"You guys are hopeless." Rebecca says,"Decide on something while I go make popcorn."

Samantha and I nod obediently.

"Popcorn is on the top right shelf." I call out and Rebecca gives me a thumbs up as she gets up.

I switch on the TV and it opens on a news channel which was currently showing President Kensington along with his kids as it headlined that he was running for a second term in office.

"His toughest competitor would probably be John Windsor the head of the opposing party who he had narrowly beat last time." The anchor was saying.

"I think Windsor is going to win this time." Samantha says,"Kensingon just got the pity vote last time because his older son died."

These were one of the things I'd missed about Samantha how we could spark up conversation on the most random topics, may it be about politics or sports.

I shrug,"Probably, but the Windsor's have their head stuck up their ass. They just have far too much money along with arrogance which makes them seem like a bunch of rich snobs."

There is large noise from the back and we turn around to see Rebecca trying to realign the table she'd banged into.

"Politics?" She asks and her voice is strangely tight and nervous,"Why are we watching the news?"

"It was the first thing that came on." I shrug,"Are you alright?"

Rebecca doesn't respond, her eyes are just fixed on the screen which now shows Senator John Windsor standing and giving a speech about family values.

"Can you please just change it?" She asks her voice still has that weird nervousness to it and I share a look with Samantha who shrugs.

I change the channel.

"I still don't want to watch a romance movie." Samantha says breaking the awkward silence between us.

Rebecca shakes her head breaking out of her trance,"Of course you're going to watch a romance movie."

"Nope." Samantha shakes her head,"It's not going to happen. Over my dead body."

We ended up watching The Notebook.

Samantha grumbled through out the movie while I tried my best not to fall asleep. Rebecca on the other hand was watching it with rapt attention, her butterscotch ice cream in hand.

I went downstairs twice to check on my grandmother who had gone to sleep early and by the time the movie had gotten over Samantha was already fast asleep and Rebecca's tub of butterscotch ice cream was reduced to nothing.

"Rebecca?" I whisper,"Are you still awake?"

"Yup." She says turning towards me,"What's up?"

"Thank you."

She looks at me surprised,"For what?"

"For telling Natalie to check up on me." I say,"For forgiving me after I fucked up so badly, you didn't need to do either."

Rebecca gives me a smile,"I know, but Clara you're still going to be my best friend no matter if some asshole of a guy cheats on me or because you got blinded by Alec. It's okay, I understand why you did what you did. Even I lost my temper."

"What do you plan on doing about Jeremy?" I ask her,"You can't avoid him forever."

"I know." She says,"I'll deal with it when school starts. But I'm certain that we are done. I deserve far better than a boy who cheats on me."

"Of course you do." I say.

"What about you? You haven't mentioned Jake at all and it's like you don't even care about Alec.

"I fucked up really badly, Bex." I say, "I-I said a lot of things to him that I shouldn't have and- and-I-"

"Calm down." She says,"Specify the him."

"Jake."

"Oh." She says quietly.

I take a deep breath,"I have something to show you and a lot to tell you but you have to promise not to interrupt me."

She raises an eyebrow,"Okay, go on."

I tell her about the book, I show her the video of Jake talking, the video of us kissing in camp and I tell her as much as I can. I even read parts out to her.

I don't leave a lot out, just things that a few things purposefully omitted like Millie's death and anything about Jake's relationship with his father.

The entire time Rebecca has her hands clenched and she looks positively red. And when I'm finally done after I finish the last line of his journal, I look up at her expectantly.

"Give me a second." She says breathlessly,"I'm trying not to die from the cuteness."

I roll my eyes and she takes in a few deep breaths.

And then she bursts.

"OH MY GOD HE'S SO FREAKING CUTE!" She yells and I have to slap my hand to her mouth and take a look at Samantha who was still soundly sleeping.

"Shh." I say,"You'll wake up Samantha."

"Does it look like I care?" Rebecca asks pushing my hand away,"My ship is currently bigger than the Titanic."

"It sunk like Titanic too." I murmur.

"I swear to god Clara if you don't marry him, I will." She starts. She grabs me by the shoulder and shakes me,"I'm not kidding, marry him, NOW."

"I mean he's the freaking pegacorn of boys. " She continues,"This-" She points to the book at the computer,"-it's freaking mythical. This does not happen in real life, boys like him don't exist in the real world and yet, oh god. I cannot handle the feels. You're officially my undisputed OTP."

"But he's gone Rebecca." I say softly,"And I don't think he's ever coming back."

Her eyes are wide as saucers,"Are you dense? This boy has been in love with you since he's fourteen years old and although you can lie all you want, so were you miss, I want you to kiss me again."

"And who the fuck cares if he's gone?" She continues,'You can bloody well go after him. You go to New York. Who cares? Oh god, you guys will have the cutest babies ever, I demand that one of them is named Rebecca. Dammit I'm so excited I may just pee my pants."

I face palm myself.

"Rebecca.." I groan.

"Okay sorry." She says, "Right. Real advice. No fangirling."

She pauses for a moment deep in thought before she asks.

"Okay first things first, are you truly done with Alec?" She asks.

"Completely." I say," I'd still like to be friends, I suppose-"

"No." She says forcefully,"You can't be unsure about this. You need to know what you want, to get what you want."

"Talk to Alec." She says,"Sort this out. Don't keep Alec hanging like that because he's your safety net. The only reason you agreed to go out with him, all of this happened was because you were afraid to let go of him because he was your back up plan."

"Sounds like I messed up almost as much as he did." I say.

"You did." She agrees,"You used him and he played you. But now you have to be completely sure what you want. It may or may not work out with you and Jake but you can't still hope for Alec to be there if it doesn't."

"I don't." I say.

She nods,"Good, but you have to tell him that."

"How can I?" I say, "After what he's done. How he-"

"I hate him far more than you ever will, Clara." She says,"But take it from me, however fucked up he is, he still truly liked you. He probably liked Sam too, I don't know he's fucked up but then again we all are. You're going to have to tell him what you feel and move on from this toxic dependence you've had on him for so many years. You have to be sure that there is no relationship for you and Alec after this."

"There isn't." I sigh,"I've known it for a long time now. When I chose Jake during New Years, I'd told him that given a choice again I would choose him. And I did. Because it's true, I will choose Jake Henderson everytime."

She smiles faintly and turns to look at the book,"If you didn't, I would seriously start to question your sanity."

"But if he's gone, shouldn't I let go? Give up?" I ask," I mean what's the point of wishing for something impossible?

"Wishes are meant for the impossible. If things were possible wouldn't we rather just do it ourselves?"

I shake my head,"But I need to let go of Jake. Ive tried my best. Yesterday night after I read the journal and saw the recording I left him a voicemail. H-He still hasn't responded. He hates me and he has every right to, the things I said..."

She shrugs, "You'll probably hate me for saying this, but this boy.... There is quite literally no one better than him. It's seriously not possible, I mean if there is someone who is even remotely like him, like that, I'm sorry but I call dibs."

I roll my eyes.

"If this is meant to be Clara, I swear to god this better be meant to me or else god and I are going to have a little chat in which I'm not going to be very happy." She rambles,"What I mean to say is that if it's meant to be, despite all the odds it will happen."

"That only happens in movies and books." I say,"Reality sucks, you don't get happily ever afters."

"No you don't get them, you have to make them." She says,"The best love stories are not walk in the park, they are painful, hard and absolutely exhausting but they are the only ones worth fighting for."

"You know you should write a blog giving love advice or something." I say,"You'd actually be really good at it."

She takes a moment to think it over,"Hmm maybe I will. I'd probably name it Bow Down To My Awesomeness."

I laugh,"Oh trust me people will."

She laughs too and for a moment silence falls between us.

"Why do you believe that it's all going to work out between us?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I don't know." She says truthfully,"I think Jake reminds me of somebody but I don't remember who it is."

"I really want this to work." I say,"I love him Rebecca."

And it's true, despite the odds and all the problems I couldn't stop hoping. I'd let go of a lot of things, but not this.

Not yet.

"I know." She says,"Don't give up hope. You shouldn't give up hope."

I smile slightly,"No, I shouldn't."

___________________________

Can you come to your window?

I send the text shakily, taking my place on the window sill carefully. I knew Alec was in his room right now and I half expect him to ignore my text.

But he doesn't.

He pulls the curtains to one side and stares at me unsurely through the window.

"Hi." I start softly.

"Hey." He says.

"We need to talk."

"I know." He says.

A moment of silence passes before he decided to break it.

"I know I fucked up." He says.

"I know you do." I say softly,"But we can't keep doing this. We need to stop this, whatever it is because it's toxic and all we do is end up hurting each other."

"Clara-"

"You know it's true." I say,"We keep on holding on to each other because we are to afraid to let go and face the fact that we are absolutely terrible for each other."

"We were okay, before Jake came." He says.

"No we were not." I say,"We never were. Because there was no we before Jake, Alec. There was just you and there was just me, the guy next door and the girl who pines over him. That's it."

"And I've changed." I say,"You've changed so don't you think after everything it's just about damn time to call it quits and let this go for good? Forever?"

For a second I think he's going to argue but instead he just drops his head,"You're right. We- we just went wrong."

"Yes we did." I say sadly,"We made so many mistakes with each other that along the path we just stopped caring in order to forgive the other person."

Alec sighed,"Some more than others."

I let out a small smile,"Yes, some more than others."

He looks up and his gaze is broken and unfocused,"This is the end, then?"

It hurts to say it, but it was. It was the end.

"I suppose so." I say.

He nods.

"Do you remember when we were kids you told me that you would marry your Prince Charming and live happily ever after." He says,"I always thought that it would be me. The one on the white horse."

"I did too." I say honestly.

"Then why am I the one who is currently being locked far away in the dungeon as the villain?" He says,"What happened?"

"You're not the villain Alec. You are Prince Charming, and sometimes prince's fall from the saddle to-"

"Not nearly as much as I did." He flinches,"I purposely threw the fact that you knew that we shared a father just to hurt him and you. If that doesn't make me stupid, if that doesn't make me absolutely bad, what does it make me?"

"Human."

"He's done some bad things too." Alec says.

"Maybe he's done worse." I say.

"Then why him?"

I stare at him thoughtfully for a moment before asking,"What is my favorite song?"

He answers without hesitation,"Timber."

I give him a sad smile,"It was my favourite song Alec. Was. Just like I was that girl who loved you, just like I was the girl you loved."

"This is about a song?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No."I say,"You knew me Alec, once upon a time. You knew my favorite songs and dreams and I knew everything about you. But now we are just strangers trying to hang on to each other too afraid of change. What we didn't realized that we had changed ourselves in the attempt to keep everything the same."

"You are Prince Charming Alec and it's taken me some time, but I've finally realized that I'm not your princess."

I smile slightly,"I've never been princess material anyway. I'd probably trip over the big poofy gown."

He manages to smile at that too.

"You'll find your princess Alec." I say,"I'm just sorry it couldn't be me."

"I'm sorry too."

And I give him one last sad smile before climbing off the ledge and shutting the window.

And after that day, I never once opened that window again to talk to the guy next door.

AUTHORS NOTE

I know boring chapter but I had to. It's to show character development and shit. You know, so that I don't look like a complete fail of a writer.

That being said Just Ask Juliet the spin off of this book has been posted. The main character is Rebecca and it takes place after the events of The Guy Next Door. I hope you guys go check it out and please don't forget to tell me what you think and if you think the plot is interesting.

Characters from this book will be there but not all are featured very prominently with a few exceptions, (yes obviously Jake is an exception), because as you'll soon find out almost all of them are going separate ways for college.

After this book is over, I'll be posting chapter one, it's again a romance/humor book but it's a lot more twisty and is action packed with just as much if not more drama.

Come on guys the hero is the President's son and it's a twisted retelling of Romeo and Juliet and Cinderella, that's like the jackpot for drama.

And to those who ship Jeremy and Rebecca, what even- why? The guy cheated on Rebecca and nobody, nobody cheats on her.

Trust me guys you'll see what I'm saying in the next chapter.

So I hope you guys like the spin off much as you liked this one and don't forget to tell me what you think of it.

Any other Questions? You guys can just head over to my ask account, @nyllacamphry or contact me through my instagram account: @nyllacamphry

NEXT CHAPTER: ASAP, Guess who is going to finally show up?

[text_hash] => fb060c9b
)