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Chapter 15

Adjusting to life without Rich proved to be difficult at first. The entire house just seemed a little dimmer without his light to brighten the place up. I mean, who would have thought that Rich's flame chased away so many shadows.

We spent many nights curled up under our blankets, listening to Geoffrey recant the stories Rich told him. It turned out that our little Rich had always been a sort of firecracker. He was kicked out of four private schools and three public schools before his parents hired private tutors. There was even mention of how he set fire to the teachers' lounge.

Granted, it was a small fire in a trash can, but it was a fire nonetheless.

Despite everything that happened with Rich, there was one thing that we all knew without a doubt: he was something.

Geoffrey and I grew closer as the weeks went on. We spent almost every day together, flipping through magazines, catching up on the monthly celebrity gossip.

It turned out that Lamar Odom finally got released from the hospital and was expected to continue his recovery in some fancy rehab place; though, Geoffrey seemed to care way more about the Kardashians and the men attached to them far more than I ever could.

I was more interested in Lady Gaga's new photos for some magazine or another with her man Taylor Kinney. I mean, I dug Gaga just as much as any other gay, but her man...

It was better to leave those thoughts alone.

Steven never took much interest in our hobby, and as time inched by, he began keeping to himself. We would find him alone, reading a book more often than not. I never told him about me and Terry. It wasn't as if I were keeping things from him; I just couldn't bare the embarrassment.

Deep down, I still held a longing for Terry's closeness. I knew it was juvenile; I knew that it was an impossibility, but it didn't stop my mind from wondering once I was alone in my bed.

Despite my strengthening friendship with Geoffrey, I felt horribly, terribly alone. After all my pushing, Steven stopped trying to get close to me, and Terry didn't even make eye contact with me anymore. While Geoffrey and I were closer, at times, it felt like I was just filling an empty space. I didn't mind because I needed someone to fill the emptiness too.

With time, the workings of the house returned to a semblance of normality, and by the time a full month passed, everything seemed to be on the up. My relationships with Terry and Steven hadn't gotten better or worse, and with time, our therapy sessions became less about handling our grief and more about our recovery.

All the while, I put on a brave face and truly tried to let myself believe that everything was going to be ok.

It was all that I could do.

Before we all knew it, the day had finally come for our parents to visit. It wasn't like it snuck up on us; we had known for weeks that they were coming. Hell, Ruth and Dawn made an effort to bring it up as often as they possibly could, yet, as I rolled out of bed the morning of, I found a ball of iron sitting at the base of my stomach.

I really wasn't ready to deal with my mother.

Mentally or emotionally.

Stealing a deep breath, I pushed myself to my feet. It's all going to be fine, my internal voice chimed.

I wanted to believe him; I really did.

If things were actually back to normal, I would have slipped into Steven's room and jumped on him to wake him up. Instead, I stretched, yawned, gathered an outfit from the various piles in my room, and made my way into the bathroom.

When I stepped into the hallway, I found Terry standing in his usual spot. He didn't speak when I walked past him, and his eyes never met mine.

Pain stabbed at my gut, and tears begged to be released. Instead, I swallowed hard and clinched my hands into fists, shoving my feelings down to the bottoms of my feet.

Where they belonged. My feelings were nothing but trouble.

It seemed like the majority of my problems came from my inability to process my feelings like a dang normal person.

Blowing out a breath, I stripped quickly and stepped into the shower. Without waiting for the water to warm, I turned the faucet on, enjoying the rush of icy water that licked at my skin, threatening to steal my breath away. Within a few moments, the water warmed, and for the longest time, I just stood motionless. It fell over my body like a waterfall, easing the tension lingering in my limbs.

All I really wanted was a moment of peace before my mother showed up; I just wanted a moment all to myself.

It was in that moment that I closed my eyes and asked the heavens for a single favor.

"I know that I don't belive in a higher power," I mumbled to myself or the sky, "but please just do this one thing for me. I've never asked you for anything, and I know that I have nothing to offer you or anyone, but all I ask is that my mother decide not to show up." I swallowed hard as tears welled. "I know that she wouldn't miss such a perfect opportunity to judge me, but I don't think I can handle her right now."

The truth caused my tears to fall and mix with the water that dripped down my chin. "Please," I begged, "I know that it's a lot to ask..." My words trailed off as I wiped my face.

Suddenly I felt incredibly silly. If there was a goddess in the sky, she had better things on her plate than some self-loathing skinny boy. I blew out a breathe and washed quickly. Turning the water off, I stepped out of the shower, dried my body, changed into my clothes for the day, and gathered my dirty clothes in my arms.

On my way out, I ran into a very disgruntled Geoffrey. His platinum hair was in complete disarray, and his makeup from yesterday was smudged every which way. I opened my mouth to say good morning, but he raised his hand and placed a finger over my lips dramatically. "Don't talk; it's too early." His already deep voice was filled with gravel.

I couldn't help but smile. Geoffrey would never be a morning person.

And that was the truest statement on the planet.

Steven came in next, but unlike Geoffrey, he seemed to radiate. There was always a warmth coming from Steven. "Today's the day, huh?" He asked everyone.

I nodded quietly, and Geoffrey blew out a long, dramatic breath.

"I'm actually looking forward to seeing my parents," Steven began as he stripped off his shirt. "It's been a long time since I've seen them."

I caught my eyes lingering over Steven's pale, lean body. He looked fuller, healthier.

Geoffrey replied from the shower stall over the sudden rush of water. "I'm actually not dreading seeing my parents either, really."

As I towel dried my hair, my stomach seemed to twist into new, tighter knots. I guessed I was the only one who didn't want to see his parent.

"What about you, Max," Steven asked from his own shower stall.

I chewed on my lip for a moment and contemplated lying; I didn't want to worry them, but I sucked it up, stole a deep breath, and told the truth. "I really hope she doesn't show up."

"Really?" Steven and Geoffrey asked in unison.

"Yep," I said simply. I really didn't want to get into the details.

"I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think it will be," Steven replied as he emerged from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. Water still dripped down his chest, and I had to force myself to keep my eyes on his.

It was far too easy to let my eyes wonder as of late.

Damn my teenage hormones!

"I hope you're right," I mumbled.

Things between Steven and I were still off, but that didn't seem to stop him from offering me a warm smile. He even started to reach out to touch my shoulder, but he stopped short. His smile briefly faltered as he brought his hand back. "I know I'm right. So much bad has happened recently," he fell silent for a moment, "so it's time for things to turn around."

Geoffrey stepped out of the shower with a towel around his waist and hair. Geoffrey's body was long and lean, but he looked fuller as well. My hormones did another little dance, and I had to remind myself that he was as straight as an arrow. "You know," he began as he glided over to the mirror, "I wish I had just a touch of your optimism, Stevey." He pulled out a large black makeup bag and began laying his various products and brushes. "Though, I think I'll stick to being a pessimist; it's really just a higher form of optimism."

Steven chuckled as he began dressing. "How do you figure that?"

"If you go through life thinking that everything is going to be rosy and perfect, you are going to be sadly disappointed because life kicks you in the gut and never stops to check if you're ok." Geoffrey spoke nonchalantly. "If you go through life expecting the worst, you aren't disappointed when things don't turn out the way you wanted them to," he paused to lean in close to the mirror while he drew a thick black line around his eyes, "but when things actually turn out for the better, you're pleasantly surprised." The model removed the towel around his hair and began raking his fingers through its length. "Sounds like a much better way to live your life if you ask me."

I had to agree with Geoffrey.

Steven laughed and waved Geoffrey away. "You don't know what you're talking about. If you send positivity into the universe, it sends it back to you." Steven sounded like he didn't have a doubt in the world.

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, kiddos," Geoffrey began as he pulled a small, compact blow dryer from his bag. "There is no higher power in the sky, and the universe isn't going to pay you back for being a nice person."

Steven opened his mouth, but Geoffrey plugged the blow dryer into the wall and turned it on. The loud whirring signaled the end of the conversation.

I found myself wishing that I could just absorb the traits of my house mates. I needed Steven's outlook on life and Geoffrey's firmness. In reality, I probably needed a little sanity as well.

Steven glanced at me and shrugged. "That boy's head is harder than concrete."

I smiled weakly but kept quiet.

"Do you want some company until everyone shows up?" Steven's eyes seemed to shimmer, but I found myself chewing on my lip.

God! All I wanted was to have Steven back. I wanted things to go back to normal. Why couldn't I just get my crap together? Why couldn't I just tell him the truth about Terry? Why couldn't I just apologize for being so horrible to him? Steven didn't deserve this treatment, but I didn't know how to fix what I broke.

Why couldn't I just live?

I shook my head after a moment and blinked back frustrated tears. "I think I'm ok," I lied. "I could use some time alone, you know?"

Steven's eyes seemed to fall flat, but he still offered me a smile. "Ok, well, I'll just see you later then?"

I managed a smile. "Of course." When I turned around, I felt ice slink through my veins. If my goal was to shove Steven the distance from here to Pluto, I was definitely on the right path. Spinning around, I returned to the hallway and immediately ran into the security guard.

"Oh," I gasped as I awkwardly stepped out of his way.

He came to a halt, catching and propping the door open with his left hand, effectively blocking me in the doorway. "Excuse me," Terry's tone was generic, distant. "I was just on my way in to do my inspection. Are you boys decent?" The latter words were intended for Goeffrey and Steven.

"No," Geoffrey grumbled, "at least let me finish putting my face on. It's not ready to see the light of day."

"I'm taking that as a yes."

"Yeah," Steven began, speaking over Geoffrey. "We're good."

With that, I ducked under Terry's arm. Unfortunately, regular bathroom checks were just one of the few changes that came with Rich's passing. They didn't take too long to get used to; I guessed that was a good thing. It wasn't like giving up privileges was something of a new concept for us.

Who needed privacy anyway?

"Wait for your escort at the top of the stairs, and I will escort the others downstairs for breakfast." Terry said from behind me. Constant supervision was pretty much the common theme around the skinny boy house.

Without turning around, I nodded and quickly tossed my clothes into the mess that consumed my bedroom floor. "Can do."

There was a rustle behind me. "We have Max on his way to the stairs." Terry's tone was authoritative.

Did I mention that the staff were now clad with two-way radios? No one was ever truly alone anymore, and honestly, it was difficult to keep the image of cattle being led put on display. There was always someone with a shock wand to prod us into the right direction.

"On my way," Ruth answered.

As I silently made my way down the hallway, the bathroom door shut behind me. A small sigh escaped my lips. I'd really mucked things up. How in the world was I going to fix it all?

Just one thing at a time. I reminded myself internally.

The thought was so sudden and foreign that I stopped moving. The words were simple, but they made so much sense. Stealing a deep breath from the air, I lifted my head and squared my shoulders.

All I had to do was make it through today. Shoving everything else from my mind, I met Ruth at the top of the stairs.

Breakfast was simple: waffles with scrambled eggs. I was the first to be seated, and when my plate was placed in front of me, I found myself staring at the vacant space where Rich usually sat.

"Who gives a shit what your mother thinks anyway," Rich's voice danced through my brain.

A smile began to tug at the corner of my mouth. Of all days, today was the day that I wished I had Rich the most. He always knew exactly what to say... and what not to say. Turning my attention back to my food, I cut into the waffles and raised the fork to my mouth. "To Rich," I said quietly.

By the time Geoffrey and Steven finally arrived, my plate was clean, and I was on my second glass of milk. They ate in silence for awhile. After a few minutes, Geoffrey spoke up. "These waffles are pretty good."

If the room was quiet before he spoke, the pause that followed his words was deafening. Not once had I ever heard Geoffrey say one pleasant thing about the food at any of our meals.

"T-thank you," the lunch lady stammered. Her usually dead eyes seemed to spark to life.

Geoffrey scoffed. "Well, don't sound so surprised."

Ruth suddenly burst into laughter. It was a sound that I never imagined I would hear come from her of all people. It was much higher pitched than her regular speaking tone and filled the air with a cackle that didn't fit her in the slightest.

The sound, as odd as it was, spread like a virus. Each and every one of us burst into laughter. When I could finally rake air into my lungs evenly, tears were streaming from my eyes.

"I don't know what's so funny," Geoffrey pouted. "I say nice things all the time, guys." Though he was feigning his dramatics, he had to wipe his own tears from his eyes.

"I'm sure that's true," Ruth chuckled as she quickly ran her hands down her blouse in an attempt to regain her composure. "I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard." Ruth cleared her voice and patted Geoffrey on his shoulder. "Thank you for that."

A smile touched his lips briefly. "Yeah. Yeah." He went back to eating. "Don't mention it."

There was something in the air as I sat with a dumb smile plastered on my lips. Suddenly, I knew without a doubt in my mind that today was going to be a good day. Things were beginning to change in the skinny boy house. Everything didn't have to make sense in that exact moment, and for the first time in a long time, I felt hope.

It was small, like an ember in the middle of my chest, but I could feel it radiating through my extremities. All I had to do was step back and give it room to catch on fire.

We all finished our breakfast without any trouble. Dawn quickly informed us that our group therapy would be canceled for the day; however, before we could rejoice too much, she explained that instead of our group therapy, we would have individual therapy with our parents to discuss our progression through their program.

Admittedly, just the thought of discussing my time here with my mother sent a chill up my spine. Though, there was a possibility that she would see my progress and be proud of me. I mean, every time I looked in the mirror, I sure as hell noticed a difference.

While the adults busily readied the house for our parents' arrival, we waited upstairs in Geoffrey's room with Terry's watchful eye on us at all times from the hallway. We didn't actually get to spend much time together because Geoffrey's parents arrived little more than ten minutes later.

An excited smile pulled at his lips as he hurried through the doorway. On his way out, he winked. "I'll see you all downstairs."

Steven waved him away and turned his attention back to his book. Several silent minutes crawled by as I sat on the edge of Geoffrey's bed. Several times I opened my mouth to say something, anything to Steven, but no words came to mind.

Sitting in the silence, my nerves began to wake up. They stretched their fingers and began picking at my stomach. Stealing a breath, I opened my mouth to ask Steven what book he was reading; however, just as I was about to speak, Ruth appeared at the doorway.

"Steven, your parents are here."

He glanced back at me as he rose to his feet. Offering me a small, quick thumbs-up before following Ruth out. Blowing out a breath, I flopped onto my back. Time seemed to crawl by, and after a few minutes, I found myself flipping through magazines I had already read over.

What felt like an eternity passed before I tossed the magazines back in its pile and sat on the edge of the bed once more. Glancing into the hallway, I found Terry standing in the same spot. I wanted to ask him if he ever got bored constantly keeping an eye on us, but I found my tongue tied in a knot once more.

Sighing once more, I pushed myself to my feet and made my way into the hallway. As I walked past Terry, he began following me. I raised my hands in the air as if he were pointing a gun at my back. "I'm just going to the top of the stairs," I mumbled without turning around. "I'd like to catch a glimpse of everyone's parents." Stopping, I spun around, meeting Terry's gaze. "Is that allowed?"

The guard crossed his arms against his chest. "Of course." He paused for a second as I turned back around and continued to the top of the stairs. He followed me, placing his hands on the railing next to me.

Silently, I stared down the stairs into the foyer. Geoffrey sat with his parents on either side. Honestly, Geoffrey's mother didn't look a day over thirty, and had hair just as light as her son. Her cheekbones were high and severe, and she wore a black, pin-striped pantsuit that gave plenty of access to her long elegant neck and sizeable bust. Geoffrey's father looked mousey next to his son. He wore thick rimmed, black glasses and a light pink button-down shirt.

The three of them were smiling and speaking amongst themselves. Geoffrey seemed to light up in their presence. His usually bored eyes were bright and shining as he glanced between his parents, and when his father wrapped an arm around his shoulders, he seemed to sink into him.

I felt a ping of jealousy pulse through my blood. I couldn't even imagine my father wrapping his arm around me anymore. Hell, his face was even beginning to fade from my memory. Forcibly shoving those thoughts from my mind, I glanced around for Steven, and found him standing between his parents. His father appeared much older, and he shared the same black hair as his son; however, his was greying around his ears. Steven's mother was shorter than her husband and barely above her son's head. She was much rounder than either of them, but still looked quite beautiful. Her hair was dusty blonde, and her cheeks were rosy. Every single time she smiled, years seemed to erase from her face.

Steven smiled so brightly in their presence, and when his mother pulled him into an embrace, he wrapped his arms around her tightly as his father patted his back.

It was odd witnessing normal functioning parents. I couldn't remember the last time my mother and I had a decent conversation, let alone hug. As a general rule, she touched me as little as possible. It wasn't like seeing loving parents shocked me to the core or anything; I knew that people had to have normal relationships with their parents; however, it was the first time I had the clarity to draw a parallel to my own relationship with my mother.

Standing there, I felt cheated. Tears began to well in my eyes suddenly. God, I wanted a normal life. Any hope I previously had began to crack and crumble.

Taking a step back, I crossed my arms over my chest and hugged myself tightly. Terry's eyes followed me. "Are you ok, Max?"

Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. "I don't think I can do this." My voice cracked as tears dripped down my cheeks.

"Whoa; whoa. What's wrong?" Terry knelt on one knee, bringing his eyes level with my own.

Using the back of my hand, I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't have what they have, Terry. My home life isn't like that." My throat seemed to tighten, and my heart rate sped up.

"Take a deep breath, Max," Terry spoke, keeping his voice calm, cool.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighly. It felt as if there was a cord wrapped around my neck, and my heart felt like it was beating fast enough to explode.

Terry placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed gently. "Take a deep breath and hold it for ten second."

I couldn't open my mouth.

"Max," he spoke gently, "open your eyes and look at me."

I stood still all the while it felt like my lungs were catching fire.

"Max." His tone demanded that I meet his gaze. There was genuine concern wrinkling the corner of his eyes. "Take a deep breath."

Obeying, I inhaled finally.

"Now, hold it and count to ten."

I did.

"Good, Max. Good. Do it again." He released my shoulders but stayed on the ground.

I inhaled, held my breath, and exhaled slowly a few times until the wire around my neck loosened and the weight crushing down on my chest lifted. "Thank you," I mumbled when I could speak. Standing there, I couldn't pull my eyes from him.

"Do you have panic attacks often?"

Blinking a few times, I shrugged. I had always been panicky, and I usually ended up making myself throw up after each episode. Thankfully, the need to do so never arose.

"Well, my brother used to have them all the time. That breathing exercise always helped him pull himself back to the ground and get out of his head." Terry offered me a small half-smile. He pushed himself to his feet but kept his eyes on me.

"I'll have to remember that," I mumbled, finally pulling my gaze from his.

There was a long silence before Terry spoke again. "Look, Max, you can't let yourself get so locked up in your head, ok? I'm sure that no matter what happens, you will be fine."

I wanted to tell him my fears; I wanted to explain how differently my life became when my father left. I wanted to tell him that there was no love left in the Rowe household; that followed my father out the door.

There was still a possibility that I had nothing to worry about though. My mother still hadn't arrived.

Maybe the goddesses heard my prayers? Maybe all my worries were for nothing?

I nodded up at the guard and smiled. "I hope you're right."

Terry grinned widely; it was the first time he looked like his normal self and not this cold hard rock that stood out side of our rooms. "I'm always right. What are you talking about, kid?"

"You wish!" I found myself giggling, and it felt nice to share a laugh with the guard.

However, the voice that came from Terry's walkie wiped the smile from my lips.

"Terry, would you please let Max know that his mother has arrived." Ruth's voice was chipper, yet it did nothing to warm the ice now flooding my veins.

Terry pulled the device from its spot on his belt and spoke into it. "Yes, ma'am. He is on his way." He spoke to me as he put it back on his belt. "You'll be fine. You've made a lot of progress; you should be proud of yourself."

His words would have been encouraging if the sudden feeling of dread hadn't washed over my senses. "Thanks," was all I could muster as I walked to the top of the stairs.

With each step down, I mentally cursed the goddess that did or didn't exist. Unfortunately, there wasn't much time to dwell because before I knew it, I was staring into the stony eyes that belonged to none other than my mother. 

***************

I know this chapter is waaay late, but it took a lot more work than the others. I actually completely reworked the rest of the story, so this chapter is a transitional chapter. I wanted to make sure everything was set up accordingly. 

I will say that the rest of the chapters from here to the end SHOULD be easier to write.

Ok. Phew. 

Anyway, THANK YOU ALL for being so supportive and wonderful and awesome. All your messages are always so kind and warm. I really appreciate all of you so much.

As always, please vote the chapter up if you enjoyed it, and please leave me a comment down below! (I try my best to reply back to all of them. Fyi)

ALSO, this is a little different, but I have sent out a few messages about Patreon, and I would like to make a formal announcemtn here that I am going to be launcing my Patreon campaign. My question to all of you is, rewards are offered when you make a pledge, so what kind of rewards would you all be interested in? 

xo - Mason

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