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"You need to visit me more often Honey. It's hard to believe that you actually still live here." Mom laughs as she makes coffee for the both of us. When she said that she was better, she wasn't lying. She's finally the mom I remember as a child. She hasn't had a drop of alcohol since she's been back either.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Just Vic wants to spend time with Mike so he can't come here and I don't like being away from him. I guess I forgot about you in all this. I'll make it up to you." I explain and she nods handing me my mug.

"So how's the band been going?" She asks seeming interested.

It's safe to say that Mom is our biggest fan. We have kids come up to us all the time after shows, sometimes they're even crying but none of them would ever be a bigger fan than my Mom. All the art, the drawings and the toys we get from our fans, it all goes to my mom. She keeps every letter and every picture. It's great. She's really proud of me.

"It's going amazing. We're going on a three-month tour in a couple of weeks." I grin and she smiles brightly at me.

"How does Vic feel about this?" She asks curiously.

I cringe at the thought of it and scratch the back of my neck nervously.

"He, uh, he doesn't know yet." I whisper.

Mom stops what she's going and looks at me shocked.

"What do you mean he doesn't know? How long have you known about this?" She asks.

"A bit over a month now. I want to tell him but I just can't. Every time I pluck up enough courage, I back out." I admit feeling ashamed.

"Why is it so hard for you to tell him?" Mom asks curiously.

"I'm going to miss our first Christmas together. New year's, his birthday and Valentine's day. And, and..." I take a deep breath to calm myself down. "And I'm going to miss his trial. I promised him I'd be there. I feel so horrible."

Mom sighs and runs her fingers through her hair.

"Kellin, listen to me very carefully. You can't miss this trial. He needs you. And you need to tell him about this tour or you just don't go on it. Keeping secrets isn't great for a relationship, take it from me, I know. If you're not careful, you're going to lose him." She explains and my heartaches at the thought of losing him.

"I'll tell him; I just need to wait for the right time." I sigh.

"Don't wait too long, timing is everything."

-----

I walk into Vic's living room with a small lump in my throat. He's sitting on the sofa with Mike, watching a movie.

"Vic, can we talk?" I ask softly, fearing that if I spoke any louder then my voice would fail me and he'd know that something was up.

I'm going to tell him about the tour. I'm so scared about how he's going to react.

He looks up at me, a small smile on his face.

"Can we talk later? I'm watching a movie with Mike right now."

I know he didn't mean to be rude or anything but that really hurt. I know I said that I shouldn't be jealous of Mike but it's like I don't even exist anymore. He barely pays attention to me. He doesn't even kiss me goodnight anymore. Sometimes I go out for some space, just to the park or something, but when I get back, he hasn't noticed that I even left. Sometimes I talk to him and he doesn't even hear me. I feel like he was just using me for comfort while Mike wasn't here. Now that Mike's back, he doesn't need me anymore. He barely tells me he loves me and I'm starting to question whether he ever did.

"Okay." I squeak out trying to push back tears but they just spill over my cheeks, though Vic doesn't notice, he's gone back to watching the movie.

But Mike's looking at me, a look of sympathy on his face. I just turn around and storm off back upstairs. I go into Vic's room find my bag. I dig through it and find what I need before rushing into the bathroom. I situate myself on the floor and don't think as I bring the metal blade to my arm before making a cut. I make another and another, not really giving a shit anymore. It's not like Vic cares or anything. Heck, I don't even think he'd be upset if I just killed myself.

Soon enough my arm is covered in cuts, dripping blood all over myself and all over the floor. I feel so indifferent about the fact that I just shredded up my arm; something that I haven't done in a long time. It's like nothing matters to me anymore. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand before just sitting there, watching the blood seep out of the cuts.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door making my heart leap to my throat.

"Kells, are you okay?" I hear Vic asks.

"Why would you care?" I huff.

There's a small silence before Vic sighs.

"Of course I care. Can I come in?" He asks then I start to panic.

"N-no." I stutter out.

"Why not?" Vic asks sounding confused.

"B-because." I stutter again, not being about to come up with a reasonable excuse.

"Kells, I'm coming in." Vic says sounding suspicious and before I can protest or stop him, he opens the door.

As his eyes land on my arm, they fill with a mixture of panic, shame and regret. He drops down beside me and I look away in shame. He wraps his arms around me trying to pull me into him but I push him away.

"No, you don't get to touch me right now!" I growl and he looks hurt.

"This is my fault isn't it?" He asks softly.

I don't answer him and he rests his hand on my leg.

"I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm so sorry." He apologizes and I sigh letting a few tears fall from my eyes.

"You don't even love me anymore." I whisper looking down at my arm that is covered in blood.

"Of course I do Kells. I love you so fucking much." He says squeezing my leg.

"Are you sure? Because you have a funny way of showing it! Half the time it's like I don't exist." I snap and regret flashes across Vic's eyes again.

"I'm so sorry Kellin. I've been preoccupied with Mike and that's no excuse, but I'm so, so fucking sorry. I'll do better now. I love you so much." Vic says seeming sincere.

He cautiously wraps his arms around me and I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. I start to feel regret as I look down at my arm. I shouldn't have cut. I'm so stupid.

"I'm sorry for cutting. I wasn't thinking." I apologize feeling ashamed.

"No, don't apologize. I'm sorry for upsetting you to the point where you wanted to hurt yourself." Vic murmurs. "I wasn't thinking about how you felt. And I should've because you're so important to me. I made you feel unappreciated and unloved. I'm going to make it up to you, I promise."

I nod and Vic kisses my forehead.

"Let's get these cleaned up, yeah?" Vic says and I nod standing up with Vic.

He picks me up and sits me down on the counter. He finds a washcloth and runs it under water before he gently grabs my arm then wipes it down with the washcloth. He then finds some alcohol wipes and cleans my cuts. It stings and Vic apologizes multiple times but honestly, I deserve it. I shouldn't have cut. Vic finishes by wrapping my arm up with a bandage before he pulls me into a tight hug.

"Please tell me if I upset you again. Please don't go back to doing this. If you ever feel like doing this, just come and talk to me, okay?" He says and I nod.

He pulls me into a kiss and I kiss him back wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He asks pulling away and I nod smiling. It's been a while since we actually sat down and spent some time together.

Vic picks me up bridal-style and I rest my head in the crook of his neck. He carries me out of the room and downstairs back into the living room. Mike looks up when we come in and he smiles at me. I return it but he frowns when he sees my arm. I ignore the look, already feeling ashamed enough for cutting. Vic sits us down, still holding me and we begin watching the movie that's already playing, which is Harry Potter. Though after a while none of us are paying attention. Vic just kisses me every few minutes then he tells me he loves me. I think he feels bad for not paying attention to me and now he just wants to make me feel okay. I feel bad for making him feel bad. I hope our relationship can go back to normal now. I don't mind that he spends time with Mike, but I just want him to spend time with me as well.

"Wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" Vic asks softly and the lump rises in my throat again. This time it's bigger and it's preventing me from talking.

"It doesn't matter." I manage to squeak out and he nods.

He gently kisses my lips but all I can taste is guilt. God, he's going to hate me when he finds out.

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