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Story plot: Seonghwa may seem like the strong mother of the group, but his boyfriend Jongho gets to know a different side of him. Seonghwa struggles to really talk with his boyfriend and put his thoughts and feelings into words. Jongho comes up with a plan for him to make it easier in the future.

Seonghwa always had a lot on his mind, but he was never taught to openly speak about his emotions or thoughts. When he grew up, he really missed being able to talk about things. He never told his parents about the bullying that made him insecure, he never talked to them about anything basically.

When his career started to form and he ended up being a vocalist in ATEEZ, he was feeling happy. He didn't see the other members as just being a simple kpop group, it felt like he had found a new family.

They're friendship started to grow as they spend more time together. Not just practicing, but also getting to know each other. It was at this point Seonghwa started to feel like the odd one out. He never really shared any personal stories because he just didn't know how to do so. It was frustrating to say the least.

Jongho happened to love that trait about him. He didn't see Seonghwa as the odd one out, but as someone mysterious. He wanted to get to know this handsome man more than anyone else. Soon he caught himself falling for Seonghwa, but he was young and scared to tell him.

After weeks of struggling with his feelings he finally took the step to talk to Hongjoong about it, the leader of the group. Jongho felt like he was the kind of guy that knew what he should do with this situation. The advice was actually something Jongho expected to get.

"But Hongjoong how can I 'just tell him'? I'm the youngest in this group. I'm like a baby to him! I can't just walk up to him like, oh hi I'm madly in love with you?! What if I tear the whole group apart?! How can you be so relaxed with all of this?!" Hongjoong laughed and ruffled the maknaes hair. "Because you are blowing this up in your mind. Have you seen the way he looks at you when you're singing? Or how he always wants to be in the same room with you during vocal practice? I think you're missing the signs Jongie. I believe he loves you too. Trust me. You won't regret telling him." Jongho sighed but agreed with Hongjoongs advice. Maybe he was missing the signs. This could be his one and only chance of getting into the relationship he's been dreaming about for so long.

"Seonghwa hyung can we talk for a minute?" Jongho was really nervous. His palms were sweaty and his face felt like it was already as red as a tomato. "Yes of course" Seonghwa said as they settled on the couch. "I don't know where or how to start hyung I uhm.." Jongho stuttered as he held his palms pressed firmly onto his legs. Soon he felt a soft hand being placed on his shoulder. "You can talk to me. Take a deep breath. It's just me. I would never judge you or anything. You secrets are always safe with me." Jongho smiled as he took a deep breath. At this point, being around Seonghwa calmed him down but freaked him out at the same time. What he's about to say could change things in a good way or in a bad way. 

"It's not 'just you'.. It is you.. Hyung.. I love you. And not in a friendship kind of way. Well yeah of course because you're an amazing friend but, I really love you. I'm in love with you Park Seonghwa." Jongho felt his face heat up and he started to sweat. Every second that passed was a second too long, until Seonghwa finally broke the silence. "Wow.. There's only one thing I can say right now honestly. I'm in love with you too Choi Jongho."  Jongho looked up and before he knew, Seonghwas lips were pressed firmly yet softly against his own, marking their new relationship.

It was all smooth sailing from that point on. The other members were so happy for them, Atiny was happy for them, basically everyone was happy that they got together. Jongho was the joy Seonghwa needed and Seonghwa was Jonghos safe haven.

No matter how great everything seemed to go. There was something in their relationship that was causing friction. Neither of them could pinpoint what it was, but there was something.

Right now, they're cuddled up on Seonghwas bed. Jongho was resting his head on Seonghwas chest, peacefully listening to his heartbeat. They both know they need to talk about this tension, but it feels like it's a forbidden subject.

"Jongie are you okay?" Seonghwa asked as he looked down at his boyfriend. Though Jongho felt as if that was not the question he wanted to ask. "Yeah I'm okay Hwa, are you okay?" Seonghwa nodded and started to brush his fingers through his boyfriends soft hazel brown hair.

Am I okay?

Seonghwa doesn't know if he's really okay, but he can't explain how he actually feels. He can't form the right words to say. At this point, Seonghwa looks back at his past. He never spoke about his thoughts or feelings. Maybe that's why he seems to be struggling with it so much lately. Every time they try to talk to each other, it's mostly Jongho who's talking.

Jongho notices how he's always trying to get a conversation going, but Seonghwa never really gives him answers. He's the one doing the talking and Seonghwa usually just listens to everything he's saying. He wants to get to know his boyfriend, he wants to give Seonghwa the feeling that it's okay to talk even though he's the oldest. He just doesn't know how.

They got ready for bed and snuggled into Seonghwas bed. "Hwa, are you really okay?" Jongho asks. From his personal experience, being open to someone always seems easier in the dark at night. "Yeah, yeah I think I'm okay Jongie. Are you?" Jongho sighed softly and Seonghwa instantly gets nervous. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe he doesn't love me anymore now he's getting to know me.

"No I'm not really okay hyung. Well I'm okay but I'm worried you're not. Lately you've been, well not distant, but it feels like you're pushing me away or something. You always avoid talking to me. And when we do talk, I feel like I'm leading the conversation. Do I give you enough room to talk or do I ramble way too much? Please tell me what to do baby. I want to get closer but it feels like everytime we try, you shut down and back away."

Seonghwa swallows hard. He doesn't want to be the reason his boyfriend feels this way. "I'm sorry.." is all Seonghwa manages to say causing Jongho to get a little more irritated "This is what I mean hyung. This is exactly my point. I've just explained to you how I feel and what I think is going on, and all you say is that you're sorry! Why can't you talk back to me? Tell me if I'm wrong or right?"

Tears are threatening to spill from Seonghwas eyes. Why can't I? Why is this so difficult? It clearly shouldn't be difficult to answer properly.

"I- I don't know I'm sorry Jongie. I don't know what to say." Seonghwa stutters and Jongho sits up. "What do you mean you don't know?! Talk to me!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY JONGHO! I JUST DON'T KNOW!" Seonghwa screams and starts to sob. "I NEVER LEARNED HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO SPEAK UP OKAY!" and Jongho goes quiet. "Seonghwa.. baby.. I'm sorry.." Jongho lays down and pulls his boyfriend closer, slightly forcing him to snuggle into his arms for once. "I'm sorry baby it's okay. I'm here." Jongho whispers as he holds Seonghwa who is still sobbing.

After a while Seonghwa calmed down and stays snuggled up in the comfort of his boyfriends arms. Jongho is softly brushing his fingers through Seonghwas hair this time as he speaks softly "What did you mean when you said you never learned how to speak up?" Seonghwa sighed softly and snuggled even closer as Jongho automatically holds him a bit tighter. "I just.. I never thought it was an issue actually.. But apparently it is.. When I was young I never talked to my parents about my problems."

Seonghwa stops talking there and Jongho decides he'll ask more specific questions to make it easier for him to answer. "Were you not allowed to?" "I think I was." "But you didn't because they never asked or because it just didn't happen?" "It just didn't happen I guess.. And they never asked so I just didn't talk about anything." Jongho nods and places a soft kiss on his boyfriends head.

"We'll work this out together baby. I'm sorry I got so angry at you earlier. I never meant to upset you. I still love you as much as I've always loved you." Seonghwa looks up for the first time since they started talking. "It's okay, you didn't know.. I didn't even know." Seonghwa chuckles softly "I love you Jongie." Seonghwa yawns and Jongho places a soft kiss on his lips. "Let's get some sleep and talk some more tomorrow okay? You're tired." Seonghwa nods and kisses his boyfriend softly. "Can we stay like this?" "Of course we can, goodnight." "Goodnight."

The next morning, Seonghwa gets up early to make breakfast for everyone. His eyes are still slightly puffed from all the crying last night. Thankfully nobody says anything about it, but he's pretty sure they all heard them screaming at each other last night.

As Jongho is taking a shower after breakfast, Seonghwa cleans up his room to clear his mind for a moment. He's so happy that Jongho is his and his only. I thought he would call me crazy, but instead he said we would work this out together. God how did I get so damn lucky? Seonghwa settles down back on the bed as Jongho walks back into the room, all fresh and clean.

"So I've been thinking" Jongho starts as he settles down on the bed pulling his boyfriend back into his strong arms. "You said it's hard to talk about your thoughts and feelings right?" Seonghwa nods. "But there must be a lot on your mind. Like thoughts and feelings?" "Mhm." "So what if you don't have to say the words, but write them down?" Seonghwa looks up. "What do you mean?" "Well let's both write a letter where we express our thoughts and feelings to make it easier to say them." "I think that might actually work.." Seonghwa smiles and cups his boyfriends face in his hands to kiss him passionately. Jongho smiles and returns the kiss with the same amount of passion.

They both settle in the room, Jongho stays on the bed and Seonghwa sits down behind his desk. They start to write in silence.

"To my loving boyfriend Jongho,

Even now I'm writing, my thoughts and feelings are all over the place and I don't really know where to start. Actually I want to start by saying that I'm sorry even though I know you will say I shouldn't apologize. I never felt like it was a problem to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, because no one ever asked. I always want to be there for you and the other members, even though that means I don't let anyone be there for me.

I don't really know what I should write about so I'm just going to write about last night. I felt something when you got mad at me and now I can describe it as scared. I was scared about a lot of things. I thought you were going to leave me, that you wanted to break up with me. Maybe I felt like I wasn't good enough for you. But when you pulled me down.. It's been years since I've laid in someone's arms, instead of having someone in my arms. I think it felt good. Is it stupid to say that I really liked the feeling? I don't know what it was, but it somehow made me feel really small and safe. I'm never small. But you made me feel like that's okay.

I hope this was a good start. I think it's a great idea baby and I'm super thankful for this. I do feel like I can sort of organize my thoughts and give whatever I felt a name.

I love you Choi Jongho."

Seonghwa looks up and looks right into the beautiful dark down eyes of his boyfriend. "Finished?" "Yeah you too?" "Yeah." Seonghwa gets up and settles down on the bed as well. "Do you want to read yours first?" Seonghwa asks. "No, this time it's about you hyung. You go first." Jongho smiles and holds his hand, intertwining their fingers to give him some support.

Seonghwa smiles and takes a deep breath before he starts to read his letter to his boyfriend. He's shaking a little, still scared that it might not be good enough. Jongho notices and squeezes his hand reassuringly.

Jongho pulls his boyfriend closer and crashes his lips onto his. They pull away and Jongho places his forehead against Seonghwas "Baby that was amazing. You have no idea how proud I am. It was a beautiful letter honestly. I really hope we can keep doing this so I can help you organize your thoughts and feelings. I love you too Park Seonghwa."

They stare into eachothers eyes and pull each other closer for one more passionate kiss.

A/N: I hope you guys liked this. It's a little less heavy than the previous oneshot. I'm trying to write longer oneshots so I can really make a short story out of it. Do you guys like the length? 

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