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Jenna's car honks from out the front. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh frustrated when I notice I've sweated through another dress shirt.

I'm just so nervous. I'm going to have dinner with Carter. I want to cry every time he's mentioned, how am I going to sit across from him all night?

I want to look nice for Vic but at this rate, that's never going to happen. I unbutton my shirt and spray some more deodorant before doing it back up and throwing a hoodie on.

Jenna honks her horn again.

I sigh and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans again then finally leave my room and head out.

I'm surprised to find the passenger seat of Jenna's car empty.  I jog down the lawn and get in, clipping my seatbelt on instinctively.

"Where's Tay?" I ask confused as Jenna drives off.

Jenna has never gone to dinner without her.

"At home. Her grandma's passing hit her hard." she sighs.

"Oh, is she going to be alright?" I ask worried.

"I think she needs to get through the funeral first so she can get that closure and begin to grieve but they're postponing it for family. She's just overwhelmed." Jenna vents.

I can't help but to feel guilty. I've been so caught up in my own shit, I didn't stop to think about what Tay is going through, and what Jenna is going through.

"If either of you need anything, don't be afraid to ask." I say softly.

"Thanks Kells." she smiles. "So, you're coming to dinner. This is a surprise."

I sigh and shrug.

"I promised Vic I would." I smile.

"That's good, Kells. I'm glad that you're talking to him and getting out of the house. Are you going to be okay with Carter there though?" she asks and my heart leaps to my throat.

She knows. How does she know?

"What do you mean?" I ask anxiously.

"You know, they're going to be all couple-y. It must be hard for you to see them like that." she explains.

I immediately feel relief wash over me but it's paired with a bit of disappointment. I guess part of me is hoping that someone will find out so it can stop.

"I mean, it sucks but there's nothing I can do about it." I shrug sadly.

"Maybe you should talk to Vic about your feelings. It could give you some sort of closure." Jenna suggests.

"And risk our friendship? I couldn't." I sigh.

"Surely it'd be worth the risk. There's a possibility you could end up with him." she chirps.

"Nothing is worth the risk of losing him." I say sternly.

"Not even your happiness?"

"Nothing."

We soon arrive at Carter and Vic's house and I feel myself sweating again. I just hope Carter knows his boundaries tonight.

When Jenna knocks, I consider making a run for it but before I can even talk myself into or out of it, Vic opens the door.

"Hey girl, you look nice tonight." Vic beams, leaning in and kissing Jenna's cheek.

"You're not so bad yourself." Jenna beams.

I couldn't agree more. Vic looks so hot in the short-sleeved, white, button up dress shirt he's wearing tonight, complemented with a pair of light gray shorts. If he gets any more robust, his arms are going to be ripping through the sleeves.

Not only do I love him for his kindness and his goofiness but also Vic is incredibly attractive. It drives me crazy.

I suddenly regret not dressing up for him.

"Hey Cutie." Vic grins, finally looking to me as Jenna leaves us and heads inside.

"Hey," I blush.

"I was worried you wouldn't come." he smiles sadly.

"I miss you." I admit.

He takes my hand and pulls me through the door but we don't go further into the house.

"How are you doing?" he asks, taking my other hand so he's holding them both.

"I'm good." I lie, forcing a smile.

He sighs and pushes one of my sleeves back. He unravels the bandage around my wrist revealing my slowly but surely healing wounds.

"It looks much better." he sighs relieved. "You've been cleaning them?"

I nod as he starts rewrapping my arm.

He sighs again and wraps his arms around me. I don't hesitate to sink into his touch, burying my face in his shoulder and smelling his cologne.

"I'm so glad you're here." he murmurs.

"Vic, dinner is burning."

I look up to see a vexed Carter. Vic lets go of me and steps away, clearing his throat.

"I'll go check that." he mumbles walking past me and leaving the room.

Carter then turns to me and smirks.

"Didn't think you would come. I was going to sneak out later and come see you." he says.

I feel relief wash over me. Thank God I didn't stay home.

"Don't worry, I made sure the only spare seat at the dinner table was next to me." he smiles.

My stomach sinks a little. We're at the dinner table though, so surely he'll leave me alone.

Carter gestures for me to follow him so I do and he leads us right into the dining room where Jenna is already seated.

There's three empty seats. The single seat next to Vic's brother Mike must be Vic's and the one across from him with the half full glass of red whine must be Carter's, which leaves me with the seat next to him. One of Vic's closest friend's, and Mike's boyfriend, Tony is seated at the head of the table and on the opposite end is Jenna who is closer to me.

"Hey Kell, how are you doing? Long time, no see. I've missed you." Mike grins as I sit down across from him.

I notice Carter roll his eyes.

"I'm good. I missed you too." I smile.

Vic soon returns from the kitchen with two plates of spaghetti in his hands and one balancing on his arm.

"Carter, do you want to get the other plates?" Vic asks him.

"Can't you just make a second trip?" Carter sighs.

"Can't you just get your lazy ass up and help out." Mike snaps glaring at Carter.

"Excuse me? This is my house, I pay the bills, I shouldn't have to carry the fucking plates to the table too." Carter says raising his voice.

I find myself shrinking away from Carter. His domineering, aggressive tone scares me.

I lock eyes with Vic who's giving me a concerned look.

"My brother deserves better than you." Mike spits.

Vic looks to Mike seeming frustrated.

"Mike, shut up! This is Carter's house. You'll respect him or you'll leave. Carter, please lower your voice." Vic says sternly.

Mike looks saddened but nods anyway.

"I'll go get the plates." he says standing up.

Mike leaves the room and a tense silence falls over everyone. Vic places a plate in front of me and gives me a sad smile that I can't even bring myself to return.

Mike's right. Vic deserves better.

Mike returns and hands out plates and soon everyone is seated and eating.

Tony and Vic engage in conversation while Mike and Jenna place bets on who can eat their spaghetti faster. I don't particularly feel left out as I enjoy watching everyone interact, especially Vic.

I love the way he leans forward slightly when he talks about something that excites him and the way his eyes light up and his cheeks go red. I love the sound of his laughter and his pointless hand gestures. I just love him.

I'm snapped from my thoughts as I feel a hand grope my upper thigh. I turn to Carter, wide-eyed and shocked at the action. He doesn't look at me though, he just looks ahead.

I feel sick and suppress tears as Carter's hand moves from my thigh to my crotch. How could he do this? His boyfriend is sitting right there! He gropes me through my jeans and I glance over to see him subtly touching himself under the table.

He drops his hand from my lap and turns to me, smiling politely.

"Eat up, Kells." he chirps.

The nickname injures me. He's not allowed to call me that. Only the people who love and care about me are allowed to call me that.

I just pick up my fork and begin eating.

I can see Carter shuffling around under the table from the corner of my eye and hope that he's just jerking off so he doesn't make me do anything.

But my hopes are lost as I feel Carter take my hand and place it on his exposed penis.

I immediately lose my appetite and my throat closes up as a lump arises.

Carter moves my hand in a back and forth motion, gesturing for me to jerk him. His grip alone holds warning.

I don't hesitate and do what he wants out of fear.

I want to scream at him, I want to tell him to stop hurting me, I want to show Vic what he's doing to me, I want him to know what kind of a man the guy he supposedly loves really is.

But I don't do any of those things, I can't, in fear for my own safety and in fear for Vic's. And I'm not only ensuring Vic's safety but his happiness as well. If Vic truly does love this guy, I don't want to break his heart.

A lifetime of my own pain doesn't compare to a second of Vic's. And I say a lifetime because I know Carter's actions will haunt me for the rest of my life. It'll be a scar on my mind, heart and soul that will never heal. But for now, it's a raw, tender cut that's draining the blood from my body fast.

I notice a change in Carter's breathing which I can only assume means he's close. He grabs my wrist and stops me from touching him. I retract my hand as fast as I can and let out a shaky breath of my own.

Everyone continues to eat, everyone but me. I can't stomach the thought of food right now.

"Feeling okay, Kells?" Jenna asks me, placing her hand on my shoulder. I flinch at the contact.

It takes me a second to process what she just said and I take a minute to compose myself so I don't just start crying.

"Yeah, I'm just not that hungry." I sigh, looking down at my food then around at everyone's empty plates.

"That's okay, Kells." Vic chirps. "You don't have to eat it."

I smile up at him gratefully. He seems genuine but I still don't want to waste his food.

"Maybe I could eat it later." I frown.

"I'll put it in a container for you. You can take it home." Vic chirps.

"Oh no," I say standing out of my chair. "I'll do it myself."

"Great!" Carter chirps, making my head snap towards him. "You can help me with the washing up after you're done."

My stomach falls. I know this is just his way to get me alone.

I find myself frozen as I watch Carter start collecting plate. Vic smiles at him gratefully and mouths "thank you" to which Carter just nods.

Once the dishes are collected, Carter gives me a nudge and as much as I don't want to move, I do because I don't want to draw attention to myself.

I trudge into the kitchen with Carter following behind me. I don't look back at him, and instead take my plate to the counter.

"Um, where do you keep the containers?" I ask quietly.

Carter doesn't say anything. I hear shuffling behind me then a container is placed on the counter. I'm almost relieved until he grabs my shoulder and spins me around.

He pushes me against the counter and grabs my face tightly in his hand.

"I don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with you. You're nothing special. In fact, you're a piece of shit." he mutters.

"What do you want me to do?" I whisper, just wanting to get this over and done with.

He smirks. "I've trained you well."

He undoes his jeans and takes a step back.

"On your knees and suck it." he mumbles, taking his already-hard dick out.

I hesitate, having never done that before.

"What are you waiting for?" he snaps. "Hurry up or I'll fucking hit you."

I nod, tears in my eyes as I drop to my knees. I look up at Carter with pleading eyes but he just forces my mouth open and thrusts himself down my throat. I choke as I gag but Carter doesn't hold up as he just chuckles and thrusts back into my mouth.

Tears soak my cheeks as I will myself to relax a little. Thankfully it doesn't take long for him to finish.

He takes his penis out of my mouth then grabs my jaw, holding it shut.

"Swallow." he growls.

I don't dare test the boundaries of his anger so I swallow but instantly feel vomit rise in my throat. I push myself off the floor and rush to the kitchen sink where I start throwing up.

Carter just chuckles and slaps my back.

"You'll get used to it." he laughs but I just feel sick, even more so, at the thought. I don't ever want to do that again. I have never felt more gross. My best friend and the love of my life are in the room next door and I've just had a man force his penis down my throat.

I lean over the sink trying to compose myself but just end up crying. Carter sighs and kisses my cheek.

"Come on, take a few deep breaths and go back out there. I'll fix your spaghetti up." he says softly.

I nod and turn on the faucet, washing my vomit down the sink. I cup some of the running water in my hands and splash it on my face. I find a nearby towel and dry my face off before taking a few deep breaths.

When I feel I'm calm enough to go back to the dining room, I do. I sit back down and stare down at my hands, not able to look anyone in the eye after what just happened. Carter sits down beside me not a minute later.

"Kells, you feeling okay? You look a little sick?" Vic asks, interrupting Jenna who was talking to him.

"He's fine, Vic!" Carter snaps suddenly. "No wonder he doesn't like you, you hassle him all the time!"

My heart breaks as I watch tears flood Vic's eyes, something that doesn't happen often. His chair screeches as he stands up and storms out of the room. Carter is quick to follow.

I feel sick. How could he talk to Vic like that? Vic hasn't done anything wrong. This is my fault.

There's a tense silence around the table and I look back down at my hands.

"Kells," Jenna says quietly.

I look up at her hoping that she doesn't notice the tears in my eyes.

"You do look sick, do you want me to take you home?" she asks softly.

"Yeah," I nod feeling a little relieved.

I stand up but immediately feel my stomach churn.

"Um, I'm going to find a bathroom real quick." I blurt out then speedily rush out of the room.

I go down the hall, trying to locate a bathroom but hear yelling coming from behind a closed door. I can't help but to stop and listen.

"You were flirting with him right in front of me! How was I supposed to react?" Carter yells.

"So asking if he's okay is flirting now? Don't take your insecurities out on me!" Vic yells back.

"Maybe I wouldn't be so insecure if you fucking loved me!" Carter shouts.

"I do! How many times do we have to go over this? What do I have to do to show you that I love you?" Vic screams.

I'm not expecting the next words that leave Carter's mouth.

"Marry me!" he exclaims.

After that is silence. I try to wrap my head around what's going on.

"What?" Vic says, sounding confused.

"If you love me, you'll marry me." Carter urges.

"Carter, I don't know, we–"

"Vic, if you don't want to marry me then you don't want to be with me." Carter sighs.

"I do! Carter, I do! I just think–" he pauses. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay, I'll marry you." Vic says.

I feel my heart sink to my stomach and I feel more sick than I've felt all night.

"Yeah?" I hear Carter chirp hopefully.

Vic chuckles happily.

"Yeah!" he exclaims.

I want to lay down and cry right then and there but more so I want to get as far away from this place as possible.

I swallow the chunks rising in my throat and go back into the dining room where Jenna is standing, seemingly waiting for me.

"Let's go." I say, not stopping for a second as I head to the door.

"You okay, Kells?" Jenna asks, jogging after me.

"No," I choke out.

I open the door and rush outside to Jenna's car. I get into the car and wait way too long for Jenna to do the same.

"Kellin, what's going on? Are you really sick? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" she asks worried.

"Just drive." I sniff.

"Okay." she whispers as she starts the car and drives off.

I lean my head against the window as she drives.

I don't know if I feel sick from emotions or from what Carter did but I know one thing for sure, I'm going to throw up.

"Pull over." I whisper to Jenna but she doesn't hear me.

"Pull over!" I snap.

She near slams on the breaks as she pulls to the side of the street. I open the door and practically fall out of the car then lean over the gutter as I start throwing up again, although it's less food and more bile this time.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's Jenna who starts rubbing my back.

"What's wrong, Kells?" she whispers. "What's wrong?"

I sit up, heaving as I try to catch my breath but it fails as I start sobbing.

"He proposed, Jen." I squeak out. "Carter proposed to Vic."

She stops rubbing my back, shocked by my words.

"What Vic say?" Jenna asks.

"What do you think?" I hiss then continue crying.

"I'm so sorry, honey." she whispers sympathetically.

I wrap my arms around her and nuzzle my face into her boob, just needing some sort of comfort right now.

"I lost him, Jen. I took too long and I lost him." I cry.

"You haven't lost him, Kells. You saw how they were today. Him and Carter will never last." she says encouragingly.

"You think so?" I sniff.

"I really do." she chirps, kissing my head.

I pull back and give her a grateful smile but there's a large part of me that doesn't believe her.

I look around to see where we are and notice we're outside a drug store. I get a sinking feeling as an overwhelming urge takes over me.

"I'm going to buy a bottle of water. Thanks for everything, Jen." I murmur.

She just gives me a nod. I pick myself up and go into the drug store. I get a bottle of water from the fridge then walk down one of the small isles until I find what I'm looking for, razor blades.

Carter's right, I am a piece of shit.

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