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Vic's POV

The doorbell rings but I don't bother getting off the sofa until I hear Jenna call my name.

I stumble out of my blankets and get off the sofa that I've been using as a temporary bed. No part of me wishes to sleep in Carter and I's bed.

I don't know where Carter is. I couldn't possibly care any less. I want nothing to do with him. How could he cheat on me? He had the audacity to propose to me and then hook up with someone else! Who does that? If he didn't want to be with me, he should never have asked me to marry him.

I'm more angry than saddened though. I feel betrayed, yet I can't help but to feel I should be more heartbroken.

Don't get me wrong, my heart is broken. Just not for Carter.

Part of me even feels relieved that I had an excuse to call off the wedding. I really wasn't ready to marry him. I don't know if I would have ever been ready to marry him.

How could Kellin do that? Does he not care about me? And how could he lose his virginity? Does this mean he loves Carter? I'm so confused. I get Kellin has been acting differently lately but this is just not like him.

Jenna knocks again so I go to the door and pull it open. She's grinning happily at me so I guess she hasn't heard yet.

"Hey, I wanted to catch you before the honeymoon." she chirps.

"Yeah," I sigh. "not happening."

I turn around and walk back into the living room, Jenna following behind me.

"Vic, what happened?" Jenna asks softly as I sit back on the sofa.

She sits in the arm chair looking worried.

"I didn't get married." I shrug.

"Why?" she urges.

"Carter cheated on me." I whisper.

"What? With who?" She frowns, leaning forward and taking my hand.

A tear slides down my cheek but I will myself to not break down.

"With Kellin." I whimper.

Jenna just looks confused.

"What? That's ridiculous. Kellin wouldn't do that. You're wrong." she says disbelievingly.

"You'd think so. But he told me himself." I shrug.

Jenna then just looks more confused.

"No, I'm not going to believe that. That's bullshit." she says shaking her head.

"Carter didn't deny it either." I mutter.

More tears fall down my cheeks and I take a deep breath to stop myself from crying but it doesn't work.

"The love of my life betrayed me. And now I've lost him forever." I sob.

"Vic, you only knew him for a few months. You'll find someone else." Jenna sighs.

I shake my head and look up at her with teary eyes.

"I was talking about Kellin." I sniff.

Her face softens and she squeezes my hand.

"You love Kellin?"

"My whole life." I breathe admittedly. "It doesn't matter now anyway."

Jenna looks pained as she seems to rack her brain for an explanation as to why Kellin would do something so out of character.

Then a look of realization flashes in her eyes.

"The night of the bachelor party, Kellin told me he had been raped." she blurts out.

Her words startle me.

"What? He was raped? He told you that?" I ask alarmed.

She nods vigorously.

"That's why he's been such a mess lately." she explains.

I feel sick to my stomach. Who could hurt Kellin like that? And why would he not tell me?

"Who did it?" I croak.

"He wouldn't tell me..." she trails off but looks painfully in thought.

"What?" I urge.

She takes a deep breath and drops my hand.

"You don't think Carter would have done it?" she whispers.

Her accusation confuses me.

"No, no way." I shake my head but the more I think about it, the less I'm sure.

Kellin did say he hated Carter.

"Think about it Vic. He really didn't want you to know he was raped. But he doesn't want you to marry his rapist. So he tells you they were just hooking up." she explains. "Kellin wouldn't have sex with Carter, not willingly. I know for a fact he isn't into Carter."

I'm torn. The thought just sickens me. I don't want it to be true, but what if it is?

"No, wait, nevermind. It couldn't have been Carter." Jenna sighs suddenly.

"Why not?" I question, feeling a little relieved.

"He said it happened the first time on your birthday. Carter was at the party. It couldn't have been him." she explains but that just makes the sick feeling return to my stomach.

"Carter went on a beer run that night." I murmur. "I remember being confused because he took so long. He told me he just had to stop for gas but I borrowed his car that morning and filled the tank."

We're left in a silence after that as I rack my brain for signs that what Jenna suspects is true.

She's right. Kellin would never sleep with Carter, or anyone for that matter. His vow of abstinence was important to him.

But would Carter really do something so horrible?

I look back up and Jenna who looks as sick as I feel.

"Do you really think Carter raped Kellin?" I ask her, my voice quaking.

"There's no other explanation." she whispers.

I nod in agreement. And I want to cry.

This is my fault. Kellin's right, I don't really know Carter. I don't know if he's capable of something like this. I let this dangerous stranger into his life and he suffered the consequences for my stupid mistake.

"I told him I never want to see him again." I sniff regretfully. "Have you seen him? Is he okay?"

"He wasn't at home. I haven't even spoken to him. Maybe he called you or texted you. Have you checked your phone?" she asks.

"No, I haven't touched it in days." I murmur looking around me.

I don't even know where I left it. Jenna gets up and starts helping me look. I soon find it, sitting on the TV unit.

When I turn it on, I find that I have a few texts from Carter, a confirmation text for the catering and three missed calls from an unknown number.

I skim over the texts of Carter apologizing profusely but right now I can't even care enough to tell him to fuck off.

"I have a few missed calls from an unknown number." I mumble. "But nothing from Kellin."

I then notice the unknown number left a few voicemails.

I click on the first one from three days ago and put it on speaker so I can hear.

"Hi, I'm Louisa from General Hospital. Vic Fuentes is registered here as Kellin Bostwick's emergency contact. I'm calling to inform you that Kellin has unfortunately attempted suicide. He will be treated here until he is well enough to go home but he needs to be released into the care of Mr Fuentes."

My heart sinks.

"He tried to kill himself?" Jenna whimpers.

I don't reply instead open the next voicemail.

"Hi, it's Louisa again from General Hospital. I'm calling to inform you Kellin has left the hospital. He needs to be returned he is not well enough to leave and could quite possibly be a danger to himself."

I immediately open the next and the last one.

"Hello, it's Louisa from General Hospital. I'm calling to inform you that Kellin was picked up in an ambulance outside Augustus Church. He has since been returned to the hospital. He suffered some head trauma and had a small concussion. But after some fluids he should be good to go home. Once again, he needs to be released into the care of Victor Fuentes or a guardian."

"We need to go to the hospital." I sigh.

Jenna nods and heads for the door. I follow. She gets into her car and I get into the passenger seat. Soon we're driving towards the hospital.

I lean against the window, feeling sick.

"I didn't listen, Jen." I whisper, tears flooding my eyes.

"What do you mean?" she asks softly.

"He told me he didn't want to live. He was drunk so I didn't take him seriously. I should never have left him alone." I choke out.

"This is not your fault." Jenna tells me but doesn't elaborate on that.

"You said first time." I mumble. "You said Kellin was raped for the first time on my birthday."

"He said it happened more than once." she whispers.

That just makes me feel even more sick. Could Carter really do something so horrible?

We soon arrive at the hospital and from the time we get out of the car to the time we arrive outside of Kellin's room is all a blur due to me being lost in thought, just desperately trying to make sense of all of this.

When we enter Kellin's room, we find him asleep. It hurts me to see him so pale, connected to an IV with a bandage around his head. He's been suffering alone in this hospital bed for days, only leaving to help me. I should never have left him. I'm a shitty friend.

I can see Jenna crying from the corner of my eye but she still holds her strong exterior.

I take a seat beside Kellin's bed and gently take his hand, being careful not to bump the inserted needle that's connect to the IV drip.

But the action makes Kellin stir awake.

"Hey," I whisper. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

He blinks at me a few times seeming confused.

"Hey," he whispers, squeezing my hand slightly. "what are you doing here?"

"Came to see you. Hopefully take you home." I smile sadly. "Jenna's here."

He turns and finds Jenna sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed.

"Hey, how was the funeral?" Kellin asks softly.

"It was beautiful. Tay's feeling a lot better." she smiles.

"That's good." Kellin murmurs.

He then turns back to me, squeezing my hand again, as if he's trying to work out if I'm really here.

"I thought you never wanted to see me again." he whispers, sadness in his eyes.

I sigh and bring his hand to my lips. I place a kiss on his fingers.

"How about I take you home? Then we can talk?" I murmur.

He just nods and gives me a nervous smile.

I stand up and leave the room then go to the reception. After filling out a few forms and showing my ID, I get the all clear to take Kellin home.

A nurse comes in the room to take the IV out then Kellin gets dressed and we're on our way.

Kellin and I both sit in the back seat while Jenna drives. He leans into my chest so I hold him tightly, just thankful he's safe and alive.

"How are you feeling?" I ask softly.

"I've been better." he whispers. "I'm okay though. Just really tired."

He looks up at me and places his hand on my cheek. There's a sense of worry in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asks me softly.

I smile and kiss his forehead.

How is he worrying about me right now?

"You hungry? Did they feed you there? We'll order some pizza." I sigh.

I watch Kellin's eyes fill with tears then he throws his arms around my neck, burying his face into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry for ruining your wedding." he chokes out. "And I'm sorry for sleeping with Carter."

My grip tightens around him and I clench my jaw. Either Jenna and I are wrong, which sickens me, or we're right and he's still putting up this charade, which sickens me even more.

"Let's go have a chat." I murmur as we pull up in the driveway.

We all get out of the car and I pick Kellin up which makes me blush and giggle, which is so fucking cute. Everything he does is so fucking cute.

"Where to?" I ask entering the house. "Your room?"

"Your room." he whispers.

Jenna follows as I carry Kellin up the stairs to my old room. When we enter, I gently place him down on the bed then Jenna and I both take a seat, cross-legged in front of him.

"Kell," Jenna starts with a soft tone. "why did you try to kill yourself?"

He looks down at his hands and sighs.

"It was a stupid mistake. I was drunk and I wasn't thinking properly," he pauses the looks up at me. "I thought I had nothing left to lose."

"That's not true, Kells. You have us." I urge.

He gives me a tearful look then he drops his head again.

"Why are you here? You're supposed to hate me. I slept with your fiancé." he sniffs.

I sigh and reach for his hand but he retracts it then crosses his arms.

"Jenna and I have reason to believe you're lying." I tell him.

"Why would I lie about that?" he says defensively.

"I don't know. But we know for a fact that you wouldn't have sex with Carter, you wouldn't give up on your vow," I stop to swallow the lump in my throat. "Unless, you didn't have a choice."

"What are you getting at?" Kellin chokes out, his voice shaky.

He still hasn't looked up at me and I can just see him getting more tense.

"Kells, you told me you were raped." Jenna whispers softly.

Kellin doesn't more nor say anything so I take his chin between my fingers and force him to look at me. He has tears threatening to fall from his eyes which are trying desperately to avoid my gaze.

"Did Carter hurt you?" I whisper.

A small sob escapes from his lips and I can feel him trying to turn his head away but I keep him in place.

"Kells, you can tell me anything." I whisper. "It's okay."

He takes my hand from his chin and holds it tightly in his own. I brush my fingers over his knuckles and he squeezes my hand tighter.

Then he nods, ever so slightly.

"Is that a yes? Did he hurt you?" I ask urgently.

He nods again, stronger this time then breaks down into violent sobs.

I pull him into my arms, holding his head close to my chest.

My heart shatters into a thousand pieces and my stomach twists with guilt and sadness.

But I push my feelings aside because what Kellin needs right now is for me to hold him and support him.

His snakes his arms around my waist and squeezes me as tight as he can.

"I'm so sorry, Kells." I whisper, letting a tear fall down my cheek.

I hear Jenna choke out a sob from beside me so I release Kellin with one arm and pull Jenna into the hug.

She sniffs, trying to compose herself then begins running her fingers through Kellin's hair.

It seems like he cries forever and when his sobs finally do calm down, tears are still soaking into my shirt and his body is still shaking.

"How many time did it happen?" I ask him softly.

I'm expecting him to say two or three times but am shocked when he tells me "more than ten, maybe twenty".

"I don't remember." he whimpers. "He felt guilty when I started cutting myself so gave me the rohypnol, that way I wouldn't remember."

"Why didn't you come to me with this? I could have stopped it." I croak out confused, shedding another tear.

"He said if I told anyone, he'd do the same thing to you, and I don't know what I would do if you got hurt because of me." he cries.

His confession makes me dizzy. All this time I was sleeping next to a rapist, who was not only hurting the person dearest to me, but also threatening to hurt me.

"I couldn't let you marry him. I'm so sorry." he chokes out.

I pull back a little and cup his cheek as he looks up at me.

"Don't you dare apologize. Thank you." I whisper softly.

I was so close to marrying Carter. So close. I was going to give myself to him. Thank god Kellin stopped it.

I kiss the bandage around his head and wipe his tears away with my thumb.

"I'm so fucking sorry for bringing him into your life," I sniff, my voice cracking as I try not to cry.

"It's not your fault. Don't say that." he whispers.

I'm still filled with guilt as I nod. It is my fault, but this isn't about me.

"What happened to your head, Love?" I ask softly.

"Carter." he sniffs. "He was mad at me for ruining the wedding."

I feel sick and so fucking angry.

"He's not going to touch you again, Kells. I promise you that." Jenna says softly.

"You mean that?" he sniffs.

"Absolutely. He's not even going to see you again, right Vic?" Jenna murmurs.

"Yeah." I smile, but that leaves me thinking about what we're going to do about Carter. He has to pay for this. Either he's going to prison or I'm going to kill him.

Kellin's entire demeanour relaxes at the reassurance. Poor thing must be scared constantly.

Kellin pulls out of both mine and Jenna's arms then wipes his wet, puffy cheeks.

There's this relief and as sense of freedom in his eyes. He looks refreshed, like he's just woken up from a long sleep. And it's beautiful. My heart pounds just looking at him.

I think about the love I feel for him in this moment, in every moment, then I think about how he almost died. He could have died not knowing how special and important he is to me, not knowing how he makes me feel, how happy he makes me and how just his presence brightens my day and warms my heart.

Now is probably not the best time to tell him, and I don't know where this will leave us, but he needs to know. He needs to know that I love him. And that it'd destroy me if I lost him.

I turn to Jenna and place my hand on her shoulder gently. She looks to me expectantly.

"Can Kell and I be alone?" I ask her softly, giving her an apologetic look.

Her face softens and she gives me a knowing smile.

"Of course. I'll order us pizza. Call me if you need anything." she murmurs.

I give her a nod and a kiss on the cheek. She hugs Kellin goodbye and then we're alone.

Kellin pulls his knees to his chest and rests his head on his folded arms, looking to the wall in thought.

I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm fucking terrified. But this needs to come out. Ten years of suppressed feelings are clawing at my chest. This needs to come out now.

I reach forward and take Kellin hand, gently unfolding his arms. He lifts his head and looks at me confused but grateful.

"Kell," I swallow, holding his hand in both my hands, as if it's a fragile object. "This probably isn't the right time to say this. I've been searching for the right time for ten years to no avail. But I need to say this now, in case I don't ever get the chance."

Kellin looks immediately concerned.

"Hey, what is it?" he asks softly, his voice caring and tender.

I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

"I love you, Kells. I have loved you from the day I met you." I blurt out. "You don't have to reciprocate those feelings. You don't have to say or do anything. Nothing has to change between us. I just need you to know."

I watch Kellin's face fall blank and the hand I was holding loosely falls from my grip. Then tears arise in his eyes and panic arises in my chest.

"You don't mean that." he whispers.

"I do, Kells." I sigh.

He just shakes his head and tears begin covering his cheeks again.

"You don't. You couldn't. Did Jenna tell you to say that? Are you trying to make me feel better because of what happened? What your doing is sick and wrong and you shouldn't play with my emotions like that." he chokes out then he starts crying harder.

I'm confused by the many mixed messages he's giving me.

"Kellin," I say sternly, grabbing his chin again, making him look at me. "I love you. Those are my feelings. That is the truth. That's always been the truth. I don't understand why you're so upset by it."

I was expecting a bit of awkwardness, maybe a little bit of disgust, but not this. I didn't think it'd make him cry.

"I'm upset because I love you too!" he snaps seeming angry.

I'm startled by his sudden aggression and don't understand what he's telling me.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I have died every day for the last ten years because I thought you'd never love me like I love you! I've seen you date guy after guy! I have made myself sick to the stomach trying to push down my feelings! And now you're telling me you love me? You're telling me you've loved me this entire time?" he cries frustrated. "You should have told me!"

I can't help but to get upset by his words.

"You think I don't understand that? I have broken down countless times because being around you is exhausting! Because the person I want most was right next to me all day, in his cute little Pikachu onsie, stuffing his cute little face with cereal and watching stupid movies that make him laugh that beautiful laugh! And I couldn't have him. I couldn't hold him. I couldn't kiss him. I couldn't tell him how beautiful he looked and how much I loved him." I stop to settle my crying and wipe my tears then I take a deep breath and continue. "You know why I dated guy after guy? Because I was trying to get over you! I nearly married the scum of the fucking earth because I needed an excuse to move on from you! I was dying too, Kells. You should have told me too."

Kellin looks a little ashamed as he drops his head. He wipes his cheeks again and sighs deeply.

"I must look like a fucking mess." he sniffs.

I smile sadly and shake my head.

"You look beautiful, you always look beautiful." I murmur.

He looks up at me shyly with blush flooding his cheeks. My heart strings tug. He really is so beautiful.

"So," I sigh, falling back onto the bed, hoping to release some of the tension between us. "you love me."

Kellin nods before falling down next to me.

"You have no idea." he sighs.

I roll onto my side and look down at him.

"Is that why you avoided me when I started dating Carter?" I ask.

"It really hurt me. I'm sorry. I just couldn't see you two together." he sighs. "And then you told me you loved him..."

He takes a deep breath and blinks away his tears.

"I never loved him, Kells. I liked him, he was a nice guy–at least I thought he was a nice guy–but I could never love him. I was settling because I couldn't have you, or I thought I couldn't have you." I explain.

Kellin smiles sadly and places his hand on my cheek. His touch is both exhilarating and calming.

"Remember that night, on new year's eve, when we were fifteen, on the rooftop?" Kellin whispers.

"How could I forget?" I smile.

"I was going to kiss you that night." he admits.

"Remember prom? My mom didn't make me ask you, I asked you but then you thought I meant as friends so I chickened out and went along with it. But I was going to kiss you that night." I grin.

He moves a little closer to me as he giggles.

"Rememeber a few weeks ago, when we were dancing right over there," he points over my shoulder. "I was going to kiss you then."

"I was going to kiss you too." I chuckle.

But part of me is saddened that there were so many perfect moments when I could have kissed him, but was too scared.

Kellin moves a little closer to me then his eyes flicker to my lips.

"I'm going to kiss you now." he whispers.

He leans forward, his eyes fluttering closed as his bottom lip presses against mine. I close the gap and our lips move together slowly at first.

My stomach feels like its in my chest and I almost can't believe this is happening right now.

The kiss is everything I expected it to be and more. It feels like new year's eve fireworks are exploding inside me and like I can't catch my breath but in the best possible way. My chest is tight yet airy at the same time and I can't seem to move close enough to Kellin, despite his body being pressed against mine.

The kiss is quickening as neither of us can seem to get enough. My hand finds it way to Kellin hip, seemingly by itself. Then I feel Kellin push his tongue into my mouth. I pull him on top of me and then sit up so I can pull him closer to me. He sits in my lap as our tongues wrestle and his hand moves from my face to my chest.

Then I notice that making out with an extremely hot guy while he sits on my lap is beginning to have an effect of its own. And in that moment, a huge part of me wants to throw my vow of abstinence out the window.

But before I can dwell on that thought further, Kellin pulls away, still with his eyes closed and breathing heavily.

"We should stop." he whispers.

"Yeah, sorry." I blush.

"Don't be." he chuckles, wrapping his arms around my neck and nuzzling his head under my chin. "I'm flattered. Besides, it's not like you haven't given me a boner before."

"Oh really?" I grin teasingly.

"I mean, yeah, you're really hot if you haven't noticed." he mumbles.

"You really think that?" I grin and he hums in response. "Really?"

"Yes." Kellin laughs, pulling back to look at me. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

"It's just crazy to think my best friend has been attracted to me this whole time." I murmur, completely baffled.

"Best friend." Kellin sighs ever so softly.

There's a silence that follows that. I just stare at him as he looks behind me at the wall, seemingly deep in thought.

"So," he begins, swallowing noticeably hard. "Where does this leave us?"

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

He meets my eyes and looks a little emotionally frustrated.

"Like what are we now? Are we just best friends that make out and love each other?" he huffs.

I tuck a piece of hair behind his ear to soothe him. It seems to do the trick because he blushes as he noticeably calms down.

"We can be whatever you want us to be." I smile.

"Well, what do you want us to be?" he mumbles, looking down at his fingers.

"I want us to be boyfriends." I chirp. "I have for the past ten years."

A smile breaks out onto Kellin's face as he looks back up at me.

"Me too." he whispers.

"Well then it's settled. We're boyfriends." I murmur then I softly kiss his lips.

Just then the door clicks open and Jenna comes in holding boxes of pizza.

"Awe, you guys. It's about time." Jenna coos.

"About time for what?" I ask confused.

"It's about time you got together. I swear if I had to hear Kellin carry on about how much he loves you one more time, I was going to pull my hair out." she whines,  climbing onto the bed.

"Wait, you knew?" I gasp.

"How could I not? It was so obvious! I'm shocked you didn't realize years ago." she laughs.

I blush a little at my stupidity. Every time I thought Kellin was showing interest in me, I put it down to wishful thinking.

How can two guys be best friends for ten years and not realize that we're completely in love with each other?

Kellin takes the box of pizza for Jenna and climbs off my lap.

"What are you doing?" I whine, missing having him in my arms already.

"I need to eat. I'm starving." he chuckles.

"We can cuddle and eat. I have ten years of cuddles to make up for." I pout.

He sits back in my lap, now with pizza and contently rests his head against my chest. I kiss the top of Kellin's head and Jenna starts playing with the hem of Kellin's jean leg.

"Your feet as so dirty, Honey." Jenna laughs.

"I know." Kellin giggles. "I must have left my shoes in my room before they took me to hospital so I've been walking around barefoot for days."

"How are you now?" Jenna asks softly.

"Better than ever. I'm happy." Kellin smiles, looking up at me.

I kiss his forehead and just smile down at him. I then look to Jenna again as she continues to play with Kellin's jeans.

"Hun, you've got that ring on the wrong finger." I chuckle, noticing she's wearing a ring on her left hand, where an engagement or wedding ring should sit. I would know.

Immediately blush covers her cheeks.

"No, it's the right finger." she murmurs, biting back a smile.

"What do you mean? Oh my god, no. Are you serious? Holy shit." Kellin gasps without Jenna actually saying anything.

"Tay proposed!" she grins squealing softly.

I'm in absolute shock.

"No way! When? Where? How did she do it?" Kellin squeals. "Why didn't you say anything?"

She smiles sadly and glances at me.

"Well, Vic just had a disaster wedding so I didn't think it was appropriate timing." she explains.

"It's fine, Jen. I'm happy for you." I smile softly, although there is a saddened part of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I didn't marry Carter, but I guess getting married has always been a dream of mine, and that dream is on hold. It's probably for the best.

"It wasn't anything extravagant." Jenna continues. "I was waiting for Tay to come to bed and she came in with a box of things her grandmother had left her. When she opened it up, she found this ring, which was the ring Tay's grandfather had proposed to her grandmother with. She just turned to me and said "life's too short. I want you to marry me". And I said yes."

I'm touched by the story. Life really is too short. I hate that I waited so long to tell Kellin my feelings.

The excited boy in my lap starts firing more and more questions at Jenna, in between bites of pizza. All the while I watch him, imagining the day I ask him that special question.

I won't wait too long. Life's too short.

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