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Chapter Forty-Three: Maggie

When I told Evan about Beth's proposition for them to meet up and talk about where they finally stand as people and what his intentions were with me, he was shocked, to say the least.

He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to go through with it not because he didn't want to, but because he wasn't sure whether Beth was only doing this for me and not because she was actually ready to tie all loose ends with him.

Not gonna lie, even I was second-guessing the idea because even I thought Beth was only doing this just so that I would feel comfortable around her and Evan.

I didn't want her to feel pressured into giving some sort of peace offering just because she feels like she owes it to me when as a matter of fact, all that I want is for her to feel anything but burdened anymore.

But she was adamant. Saying how this was needed and that she was strong enough to finally make amends, and it was either now or never.

Of course, I couldn't go against her wishes because if she says that this is what she wants, who am I to refuse? It's time I finally listen to my friends and not what I think is best for them.

"So? What's the plan?"

It was currently Sunday, and Beth had texted me saying how she was ready to have a chat with Evan and that she would be willing to do it here at my place, and I agreed.

Although that doesn't mean that the plan didn't scare me, debating whether I should encourage her to get this over with and to not meddle or to do the complete opposite and intervene due to my discomfort. But that was selfish, this isn't about me, this is about her.

I know deep inside regardless of how uneasy I felt that it would not be equal to the amount of hurt she's endured, so I don't have the right to pick her choices for her.

"Hey, hey."

I hadn't even noticed Evan was looking over at me with soft, worried eyes as we waited by the living room for Beth's arrival, with me sitting on the living room couch as I nervously bounced my knee up and down.

My restlessness would have probably been sensed from miles away, so I don't blame Evan as he carefully kneels onto the floor so he could level his gaze with mine.

He looked at me in quiet sympathy before caressing the side of my head, smiling "You need to stop worrying, nothing bad is going to happen."

I sighed "How can we be so sure of that? We don't even know if this decision is actually sincere or if she just felt pressured to do it."

"Even if that's the case and we somehow find ourselves in a dilemma it's gonna be between me and Beth, okay? You've done so much already, I think it's time you ease down a bit."

"You know I can't do that," I remarked as Evan chuckled, leaning forward as he pressed a lingering kiss on the side of my head, catching me off guard.

"Then try," he whispered, "Just try, at least for me?"

He pulled away to divert his eyes with mine and I couldn't help but chew on my bottom lip, feeling quite flustered "Evan-"

"Promise me you'll try," he ventured "To try and be calm, and to trust me when I say I got this."

I heaved out a sigh, feeling quite restless still despite how awfully reassuring his tone was, how there's not a single trace of doubt laced in his words but for some reason, I'm brewing with uneasiness and more.

Because I do trust him, I trust that he'll do his best to rectify his wrongs and I trust that Beth will be empathetic enough to see that, but what I don't trust is the possible outcomes of what this confrontation may lead to.

I don't wanna be pessimistic because it's obvious that Beth and Evan are trying to approach this situation with an open mind, but I can't help but feel like they're only doing this because of me. As if their intentions aren't as genuine as they make it out to be.

Making me theorize that once all of this is over, it wouldn't really fix anything, as if it was just a band-aid-shaped resolution that won't really change anything.

"Relax for me, okay?" he said, gently pressing his palms against my shoulders as my eyes closed at the feeling of his rough fingers soothing the knots on my back.

"Look at you, you're so tense," he noted wryly as I turned around to glower at him.

"Shut up and keep rubbing," I said as he released a chuckle, leaning forward until I could almost feel the soft air of his breathing fan against the nape of my neck, making me shiver.

"Anything for you," he whispered in a sly tone.

Feeling myself slowly getting lost in the sensation of his touch, I didn't even notice the sound of a car being pulled up into the driveway of my house, not until Evan applied more pressure into his touch that caused my eyes to shoot open.

"She's here," he murmured and I looked outside to see that Beth had already arrived.

My body went rigid which Evan immediately picked up on, as he resumed massaging my shoulders, trying to calm me down "Hey, it's alright. We got this." he whispered.

With that, I slumped my shoulders back in feigned relief, trying to get some of the jitteriness out of my system "You're right, I'm just being dramatic. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he told me "You've done everything you can to try and fix this, so I can understand if the possibility of all of this going wrong again scares you. But I'll do everything I can for that to not happen."

I locked his gaze with mine "Yeah?"

He nodded "Yeah," and just like that, he inched his face closer towards mine, planting another kiss onto my forehead that simply made my eyes flutter shut.

"You know I'd do anything for you." he said, pulling away as his other hand that was laying on my shoulder made its way to trace the outlines of my jaw "Anything."

I swallowed at the lump forming in my throat as I can't help but fidget in my spot, feeling giddy as I can't help but let the effect of his burning stare swallow me whole.

But the moment was quickly disrupted when the doorbell rang and resonated throughout the living room like a blaring alarm, basically telling us it's go-time.

Clearing my throat, I backed away slowly as I kept my eyes on him. "So I guess it's okay if I ask you to wait here while I go talk to Beth?" I asked sheepishly.

He grinned, shooting a playful nod my way "Whatever you say,"

I couldn't resist the involuntary need to roll my eyes at his behavior, but I couldn't help it. I was amused but at the same time in awe with him at how easily he can bring light out of a serious situation and just momentarily distract me.

So he could either make me smile or laugh for the briefest of moments, all the while assuring me he's got this and that he's here with me. That I'm not alone.

Because though I have been acting quite agitated these past few hours, he never once left me feeling alone with my concerns. If anything, he almost made it seem like he was willing to unload some of the burdens off my shoulders just so he can put them on his.

To make my pain his pain.

To make this more of a problem both he and I need to resolve together rather than something I need to resolve all on my own.

Which, as much as I fail to acknowledge it, I genuinely appreciated.

Because though I've preferred to handle problems all on my own without asking anyone for help, he's taught me that sometimes you just need someone to be there for you.

For you to either lean on for support and to confide in.

Which I won't lie, I'd rather have this than go back suffering all on my own again.

I made my way to the front door to let Beth in, feeling my nerves go all over the place but then I just have to remind myself that I got this under control.

That both Evan and I have this under control.

With that, I opened the door to be greeted with the sight of my best friend, seemingly calm and collected as her eyes locked with mine, a smile instantly tugging up at her lips.

"Hey there, you." Beth chirped.

I couldn't help but beam fondly at her, seeing as how she looks quite radiant and not utterly fucked-out just like me "Hey," I said, pulling her into my arms as we hugged.

She lovingly strokes my back before she puts a small distance between us, looking me up and down thoroughly "Maggs, you look quite rattled. Are you okay?"

I heaved out a sigh "Yeah, I am, it's just-" I stuttered on my own words, not being able to find the right words to say.

She gave me a pointed look "Is this about what we're about to do? Look, if you're uncomfortable about it we don't have to-"

"No, it's not that! I'm not uncomfortable about you and Evan sitting down and finally having a proper conversation. It's not about me, promise. I'm okay about it."

She then stares at me expectantly "So why do you seem so nervous?"

"It's because... well, I just feel like you're only doing this because you were forced into it."

She stared at me for that, deadpanned "How ridiculous can you get? I told you I wanted to do this in the beginning. If you're so worried I'm only doing this because of you, which well, partially I am, but not in the way that you think. You're being too paranoid."

I grumbled "Ugh, I know. It's just after seeing you two constantly be at each other's throat, I was mostly worried about how the two of you were gonna handle this."

She rolled her eyes "If you're worried that I may end up throwing a fit and possibly killing Evan, trust me, I won't. I've already crossed that off my bucket list, it's an irrelevant goal now."

I knew she was trying to lighten the mood and facilitate the unmistakable anxiousness currently oozing out of me, but again, I couldn't help it.

"Are you 100% sure about this, though?"

"Yes," she reassured, though there was a small, playful smile forming on her lips, probably as a way to reassure me she's actually content with her plan.

"I'm sure about this," she added "So how's about we head in? Is Evan already here?"

I nodded, overwhelmed. "He is, he's in the living room."

She nodded before guiding us both back inside the house and softly closing the door behind me, her arm around my shoulder as we made our way into the house.

My hands were clamming up and I could practically feel the apprehensiveness gradually filling up in my system that I could almost taste it on my tongue.

I already feel this uneasy, I can only imagine what Evan must be feeling right now.

We walked into the living room and for a moment I felt my heartbeat race as Evan slowly turned around to the sound of our shoes approaching into the vast space, and just like that, he locked eyes with me before his gaze immediately dropped on Beth.

Beth had a rather indecipherable look in her eyes, almost as if she didn't know how to react to the sight of Evan, the boy who broke her heart not too long ago, standing before her, ready to make amends after all the pain and heartache he made her go through.

She looked almost casual, which I was surprised with because she tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve and is always vocal about what she feels, regardless of whether she wants to maintain a certain composure or not.

To which I can only guess that what she's been saying these past few weeks about finally overcoming her past with Evan has been true.

Though I don't wanna be too optimistic just yet.

She nodded politely at him, "Evan."

He just stands there for a moment, drinking her in as his eyes remain neutral "Beth." he said, reciprocating her formal greeting.

The tension in the room was so thick you could practically feel the compelling uncertainty bouncing back between the two of them, not knowing how they should start this.

Clearing my throat, I plastered on a tight smile and rubbed Beth's arm "You wanna take a seat?" I offered, breaking the prolonged silence that was stretching for far too long between the two.

She broke out of her trance, averting her eyes away from Evan's equally heated ones "Sure." she agreed, allowing me to lead her to the couch as Evan repositions himself to the other side so we sat facing each other, with Beth on my side and him right across from us.

Beth carefully sat down beside me, her posture stiff yet reserved, all the while I looked up to see Evan nervously looking down on his feet as he had both of his arms placed on his knees whilst his back was hunched over, clearly unsure about what's going to happen next.

Looking at them both, I couldn't help but sympathize with them because I know it must be hard having to sit through this process. Confronting the person whose heart you had broken in the past, all the while having to face the same guy you thought you no longer wanted anything to do with, only to be left sitting in a room with him and a girl he's admitted to liking before.

Who also so happens to be your best friend.

If Beth's underlying hatred for me and Evan didn't brew up again somehow, I can only guess her self-reevaluation did her wonders because even I can't help but hate myself right now.

Beth cleared her throat, shuffling in her seat right beside me "I know this must feel suffocating right now, but then again I am the one who planned this in the first place, so I think it's only necessary if I get this over with as soon as possible."

Her blatant honesty didn't fail to make me grin as I looked at her. That's the Beth I know.

Beth immediately noticed my staring and warmly smiled back, reaching out to grab my hand as she turned her eyes back to Evan "So let me just start by asking what are your intentions with my best friend?"

Her tone was sharp and straightforward, and I couldn't help but internally flinch because of how serious and domineering she looks right now. But Evan seems to be unfazed by this question, almost as if he understands where she's coming from by asking him that.

"Well, to be honest with you, the picture is still pretty blurry. Maggie and I have gone through a lot these past few months and we're only getting started. We're still trying to get to know each other, as well as trying to understand where we currently stand as people,"

"At first, it was mutual hatred that gradually started to morph into something else as we started to get along, and I haven't really gone through this before, trying to take things slow because I admit, in the past, I usually prefer to rush my relationships."

"But now, as much as it's hard to believe, I have changed. I wanna take this r-relationship," he stammered saying the word, making me smile as he seemed to be quite flustered "Or whatever you wanna call it, seriously. I wanna show her that by making sure she doesn't feel doubtful about starting anything with me because the truth is..."

He swallowed, his eyes fluttering up to meet my own as I felt my heart pound at the passionate look in his eyes "I wanna be a man she's sure that she can be with." he confessed in a soft tone "Those are my intentions with her. To be someone she can be with and not regret it."

As soon as he was done, I looked back at Beth to gauge her reaction only to see that she was nothing but passive at this response, firmly nodding her head after he was done, a small smile on her lips as she tightened her hold on my hand.

"I see," she hummed, "I can tell by the way you talk about Maggie that you are serious about her, and honestly? That's the only thing I wanna know because I've seen the way you've acted before and I just wanna be sure history doesn't repeat itself and you are willing to turn over a new leaf and not screw up this time."

"Because I swear, Evan." she pressed on, her tone laced with a prominent warning "If in any way, you don't keep your word and break Maggie's heart, will this be the last time you ever see me act civilized towards you. Don't you dare screw over my best friend and if you do, you're screwing me over for the second time around again and that's the last thing that I want."

Shocked by her threatening choice of words, I glanced at Evan only to see that he's nothing short of understanding once again, almost as if the warnings directed towards him were something he can comprehend as to why they're being said to him.

He doesn't deny it, he doesn't defend himself nor does he disagree, as if the person being scrutinized right now isn't him, but a version of himself he's long ago buried.

As if that person being discussed right now isn't even him anymore.

With that, I can't help but let my heart melt over the thought.

Seeing as how he's compliant with her demands and makes no move to protest whatsoever, she attempts to stand up from the couch, thinking maybe her job is now done.

But then Evan stops her.

"Beth, wait."

Pausing in her tracks, she turns to him as he still sits on the couch, reaching out a hand to stop her "Before you leave I just wanna say... I'm sorry. I know how hard this must've been for you, facing me after so long after everything we've been through." he began.

"It wasn't that long when I broke your heart not once but twice, and I know you probably think that by doing this, becoming a better man because of your best friend, is that you were simply nothing but a trial I had to overcome to get to where I am now." he continued "But trust me when I say it isn't like that."

"If I can go back to the past and beat some sense into myself, I would. I would do it without a doubt because I hate myself now for what I've allowed myself to do to you. Because you never deserved what had happened to you, you deserve actual love and not some sleazy fucking dirtbag like me who took advantage of you when all you ever did was try and love me."

I can tell that Beth's inhibitions were slowly falling at this point as the feigned indifference of her demeanor faltered, tears abruptly brimming in the corners of her eyes as she listened to him.

"Instead, you deserve a guy who would treat you right, someone who would love you regardless if you go through hell and back just to prove yourself to him or not," he swallowed "You deserve a guy like Sean. Who, unlike me, actually really did love and care about you back then."

She was taken aback by the revelation as she stared at him, astounded "Because underneath all my pathetic scheming, what I did was nothing but a plan to sabotage my friend's life because I was insecure over the fact that unlike me, he was a man who was willing to love a girl with everything that he had and that I just wasn't able to do that."

"But now," his eyes flickered over to mine to stare at me for the briefest of moments "Now that I know what it feels like to love someone that much, all I can say is that's the type of love you deserve and let me tell you, judging by how similar I am to tearing the entire world to prove myself to Maggie in the same way Sean was doing the same to prove himself to you..."

He looked back at Beth and smiled faintly at her "Is that it was the kind of love that you deserve. So please, if you think of yourself any less because I treated you poorly, take into consideration that all this time, there was a guy who was so close to murdering me because of what I did just because he loved the hell out of you."

"So please, instead of minimizing yourself over what a douchebag like me did, think about how you deserve more than that, and that someone was willing to give you the same love in return." he finished as silence fell upon us.

Speechless by everything that he just said, tears were practically streaming down her cheeks as her eyes turned glossy "I-I don't know what to say..." she muttered, blinking back her tears.

Evan stood up and walked towards her, while Beth let out a guttural sob that seemed to have been suppressing as she looked up at him.

"I'm so sorry," Evan repeated yet again as Beth finally let her guard down as she broke down into tears, incredibly overwhelmed by Evan's display of vulnerability.

He wrapped his arms around her as I stepped back, watching them with tearful eyes as Evan continued to soothe her, making her cry even more into his chest as they hugged.

And as I stand here looking at two of the most important people in my life reconciling and finally making up, I couldn't help but see Evan in a more distinct light now.

With the colors around him so bright and my love for him becoming brighter, I felt every wall I've ever built around my heart slowly plummet one by one until I can no longer feel them securing my heart anymore. All the while as the light of my realization shines through the gaps after being blocked by said walls for so long.

With that, I looked up at Evan just as he stared right back at me, his smile looking the most wondrous and vibrant that I have ever seen, as I felt the last wall go down...

I'm in love with Evan Williams.

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