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Chapter Forty-Four: Maggie

It never felt like this before. I've never felt like this with anyone. Even to those whom I thought I had fallen in love with. It never felt like this.

I couldn't explain it, but this feeling I have right now, this new-found feeling I had finally allowed to consume me after so long of denying its probability, it's otherworldly.

It rushes deep and it goes hard enough to the point that I can practically feel it in every part of my body and every corner of my conscience. It's hard to escape, it's all I think about.

This feeling, it's more of my oxygen than oxygen itself.

I breathed it in and I breathed it out and it was the only thing keeping me upright these days, but at the same time, keeping me unhinged because holy fuck, is this what being in love feels like?

It's alienating, to say the least, something I'm not typically used to, which is ironic because as far as I'm aware, I have been involved in a two-year relationship with a certain Levi Chu.

But even then, my relationship with Levi never felt like this. It didn't feel remotely intimate and or thrilling, if anything, our entire relationship felt convoluted and strained.

There was never a life-altering moment where it dawned on me that I was hopelessly, madly in love with Levi and everything about him. We just agreed to date each other and that was it.

That was basically my whole perception of relationships throughout the years that's why love always seemed so methodical to me. Not like this.

It never felt sentimental and or dreamy that I can actually relate to those cliche movie references that when a person falls in love it's butterflies in your stomach all over.

If anything, I used to make fun of that stupid fucking metaphor until now. Now I'm pretty sure it's not just butterflies in my system but probably an entire fucking zoo.

It's a strange thing to feel, to put it simply.

It's alienating in the same way that it's liberating because this is probably the first time I've ever truly indulged in the endeavors of what it feels like to be a lovestruck high-school girl who doesn't seem to know what to do with herself whenever her crush passes her by.

I'm not even exaggerating when I say that. It's gotten crucial at this point.

I'm pretty sure Evan has also picked up on my vague habits and responses to his advances lately because he's tried to dial it down a bit, despite how he clearly wants to do more.

But me being the overly giddy, dramatic teenage girl that I am who's acting like she's never even gone to a close vicinity with the opposite gender before, I just go timid whenever he's nearby.

I hate being in love. This shit makes me act more stupid than I would normally allow myself to act, plus trying to be casual is just as hard when you know deep down you can't be casual for shit. This is probably worse than trying to be friends with Evan when I thought at one point we didn't have a chance at getting along.

Because even though trying to suppress your hatred for someone was a struggle, trying not to let that same person know you're practically over the moon whenever they flash you a quick smile because you're so goddamn head-over-heels in love with them is just as tormenting

"Good morning,"

It is currently 7:30 AM and going by our newly developed routine of Evan picking me up to go to school, he waits for me at my driveway and I can't help but feel ridiculously unsteady as I greet him back on this fine, bright morning day. You know, like usual.

But again, the feeling of being in love made my days a lot less mundane than they would usually feel, especially now as Evan opens the door for me like he normally does, but as soon as I get in the thought of being in such secluded space with him didn't fail to make me lightheaded.

Again, this feeling? It sucked.

I hated being completely altered from what I'm typically used to as I feel like I'm a ticking time-bomb ready to explode whenever he even gets an inch closer towards me.

"I bought you some coffee, by the way," he said, pointing towards the paper cup that was placed in the cup holder, waiting for me to take a sip.

Back then, I would've found this gesture simply endearing and thought nothing less of it other than the fact that Evan was just being kind.

But now, I can't help but look at the cup with this new-found interest stirring inside me, causing my insides to clench as I nodded his way, not daring to meet his eye.

"Thank you," I meekly replied, making him smile as he firmly gripped the steering wheel.

"By the way, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, but I've decided it's not just Beth I wanted to apologize to, but instead, a whole lot of people I've wronged in the past."

As I was about to take a sip from my coffee did I immediately pause hearing his words, darting my eyes over to meet his "Wait, what? Really?" I said as he chuckled, nodding.

"Yup, I've thought about it and after careful deliberation, I thought maybe if it worked out with Beth, what's the harm in doing the same with the other people I've wronged before?"

"Don't let this optimism of yours go over your head though, not everyone is as tolerant as Beth. Keep that in mind." I chastised as he waved me off.

"Eh, if they won't be as forgiving it's best to know that I tried." he proclaimed, shrugging "Plus I have been feeling motivated to redeem myself lately. I feel like a changed man."

Laughing, I couldn't help but shake my head at him "God, what am I gonna do with you? Just be sure to be careful. Try not to bloat your own ego by having this new persona."

"Would I still be Evan Williams if my ego somehow got tamed?" he scoffed playfully "No way, I may have changed, but the big ass ego will forever be there."

We finally arrived at school and throughout our drive, I couldn't seem to get the stupid smile off my face, which was amusing because it wasn't that long when I was sweating bullets trying to figure out how I was gonna start a conversation with him in my previous state.

But as expected, the connection between us never seems to let anything change, because we're always gonna be us. He's always gonna be him and I'm always gonna be me.

We're always gonna be on the same wavelength, whether it's the kind where we effortlessly get along or may sometimes bicker, we're never gonna let the side effects of newly-found romantic feelings change how we've always acted towards one another. Because deep down...

He's still Evan, and I'm still the Maggie that he knows.

"So when are you planning to start this plan of yours?" I asked as I got out of the car, struggling to hold my coffee in one hand while trying to grasp the straps of my bag in the other.

As Evan reaches out to pry my bag off me as he puts it on his shoulder "I'm thinking today, actually. Some of my exes are in the same classes that I'm in so I'll try to approach them after classes maybe, though I haven't really planned how I'm gonna do it, and it may end up being awkward. But again, baby steps, right?"

Smiling, I nodded fondly. "As long as you know what you're doing, I'm here for you one step of the way."

"Yeah?" he beamed, laughing softly.

"Yeah, of course, I mean, how many exes do you have to apologize to for it to be too much of a task anyway?" I implied sarcastically.

He turned stiff at my question, at the same time his laughter suddenly turned from cheerful to downright awkward. "Well, uh, now that you bring that up..."

We stopped by the entrance of the school building as I raised a questioning eyebrow at him "What's wrong?" I asked out of curiosity as he started shuffling on his feet, nervous.

"I won't judge you if that's what you're thinking," I said "I am aware of your dating history and how you've had quite the experience, so if you feel like I'll be awkward about it, well, you're wrong. So don't be afraid."

He scratched the back of his head, still uneasy about it "Well... if we're being specific here, I have about 20 exes. In general."

I didn't wanna show it, but I couldn't help the genuine surprise that showed on my face as my eyes widened at the revelation "Wait, seriously?" I exclaimed.

He threw his head back, groaning "I knew I never should've said anything-"

"No! That's not it! I'm not one to judge someone's dating history! It's just, well, in my standard, it is very excessive. But there's nothing wrong with that! Date whoever you want." I tried to explain pathetically but it was obvious he was still quite embarrassed.

I sighed as I stepped forward and grabbed his chin, coaxing him to look at me "Hey, seriously, it's alright. I've said it before and I'll say it again, we're just very different. I've only ever dated one guy up until now and I haven't really been active ever since that. I don't have much experience like you do and to be honest? It's admirable. Because even though your dating history has been rough, you've learned because of them and it shows."

He stared at me longingly for that "Yeah? Do you mean that? You're not grossed out by it?"

I snickered "Why would I be? It's not my business to judge how many people you've dated in the past. It's intimidating for sure, and quite frankly, it made me feel a little bit..."

I couldn't help the overwhelming blush threatening to spread through my cheeks as I let my words hang in the air, making Evan stare at me in suspicion.

"A little bit what?" he pressed on.

I looked down at my feet "A little bit... jealous."

He looked taken aback by my confession, his eyes wide as he blinked back at me for a while before his lips formed into a slight smirk, stepping forward as he hovered in front of me.

"You're jealous? Huh, that's something." his eyes glimmered, seeing how I was still chagrined about my confession "I never would've expected that Maggie Carter herself would be jealous."

"It's human nature, you know. I'm not a total robot." I said, blushing immensely "Plus this isn't the first time... I've felt this. Again, you are just very experienced, that's why it intimidates me."

His eyes softened at my words as he was the one to grab my chin this time, gazing down at me "Don't be. No matter how many women I've been with, you're probably just as mature as I am. You've been in a two-year relationship, half of my relationships don't even last for about a year. You're just as qualified about this as I am. So don't be overwhelmed about it."

Releasing a breath, I nodded as I looked up at him "Yeah, but still. This is all very new to me, and I may not show it, but I'm about as inexperienced about dating as I actually lead myself on. I still have a lot of learning to do."

Evan nodded as he dropped his palm to intertwine our fingers "And so am I. I mean, contrary to popular belief, despite how many relationships I've been in, a lot of them turned out bad because I was a shitty boyfriend. You of all people should know that."

"Yeah, but at least you're willing to redeem yourself and apologize in the end. That's what matters, right?" I said, trying to lift his spirits "I wish you nothing but the best."

He beamed "Yeah, let's just hope they don't maul me to death. As I said, a lot of them didn't turn out great like my last relationship, and that's just putting it mildly."

I shook my head "You're being dramatic. It probably won't be that bad."

* * *

Hours after Evan proposed his plan to reconcile with past rivals and flings, I didn't really think it would go as drastically as I presumed, thinking Evan had gotten it under control.

But boy, was I wrong.

Because although I was having pessimistic thoughts, no amount of prediction would have prepared me for the sight I was about to see the second Evan and I met up with each other during lunch.

Because all I saw was red.

Red handprints on the side of Evan's face as I loudly gasped at the sight of him as soon as he approached our lunch table, his friends looking at him, utterly petrified.

"Dude, what the fuck happened to you?" Zach asked incredulously, vocalizing our thoughts for us as Evan sat down on the table, rubbing his face in pain.

"I guess it's safe to say I need to work on my communication skills or else my intentions will be misunderstood," Evan said, hissing as I rushed to his side and inspected the red handprints on his face, grazing it softly with my finger as I cringed at the sight.

"Jesus Christ, what happened? Did you just put all your ex-girlfriend in one line and let them go at it?" I exclaimed, scooping up the ice from my soda and putting it on top of a napkin before balling it up, as I leaned forward and carefully dabbed it on the side of his face.

He grumbled, letting the sensation of the ice melt on his skin before he sighed, leaning into my touch as he shot me an appreciative glance in return.

I smiled, catching the water droplets that were falling on his cheeks "How many of them did you apologize to, exactly?"

"All of them, I think."

"How many of them actually slapped you?"

He thought about it for a while before answering.

"All of them... I think."

"No wonder your face looks like it was shoved in a bush of poison ivy," Colin teased as Evan shot him a glare.

"You look like the human form of hemorrhoids." Jasper chimed in.

"You look like me after I trigger my peanut-allergic."

"You look like my asshole after I eat at Chipotle-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Evan exclaimed as everybody laughed "I get it. I looked fucking flushed, it's not as funny as it looks."

"It actually is," I muttered as Evan looked at me, deadpanned "Karma sure bit you in the ass after what you did to me back then when you prank dyed my hair."

He rolled his eyes because of that as I laughed "What did you even say that got them all so riled up that they all just slapped you?" I asked.

He cringed at the question almost as if the memory itself sent a wave of war flashbacks, the traumatic outcome he endured being transparent from his reaction alone.

"I don't know, to be honest. All I know is that I walked up to them, asked them if they had time to talk and pulled them aside, and started apologizing about how I treated them during our time spent together and how my past behavior taught me to become a better man to this new girl that came into my life, which we all know is Maggie and-"

"You imbecile!"

Evan yelped as I threw the napkin aside to aggressively shove the side of his face, which was the same side that was littered with handprints.

"Have you learned nothing about your talk with Beth? What was the need to bring me up? You could've just apologized and not make it seem as if they were just trials and tribulations you needed to overcome to get to this point in your life in which you decided hey, now's the right time to treat this girl more properly than I've had with all of you!"

Grumbling in frustration, I rubbed my temples as I shook my head at him "Honestly, Evan, what went through your head when you thought about apologizing that way?"

"I was just being honest," he muttered softly, his voice similar to that of a five-year-old boy's.

I scowled, not wanting to be affected by his behavior "Well, your way of being honest is complete shit. What were you exactly trying to get across with your honesty?"

He gulped, "That I care about you."

Blinking, I cleared my throat as I tried to suppress the bubbling heat inside me "Y-You idiot. That's still not an excuse to be inconsiderate with your words."

"It wasn't intentional, though. I just wanted to let them know the reason why I apologized, I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything just so that they won't get hurt by the truth, it's almost as if nothing's changed and I'm just trying to be what people want me to be," he said.

His friends nodded in agreement as I couldn't help but sigh "But still, you have to understand that people aren't always gonna see your intentions the way you want them to."

"I understand that." he affirmed "That's why I'm not mad at them for their reaction. It sucked for sure, but I've done my fair share of mistakes for me to deserve what got handed to me. I'm not denying that, as long as I try to better myself."

"Plus you said so yourself," he added "If I know deep within my heart what I'm doing is right, it shouldn't matter what other people say. As long as I know my intentions are sincere."

Taking my time to process his words as I sat there shell-shocked, in the end, I couldn't help but cave in and understand that in a way, he's right.

"Yeah, as long as you're doing things one-step-a-time," I said, reaching out to caress his cheek with my palm as he cooed at my touch, smiling.

"Baby steps?" he murmured.

I grinned "Baby steps."

* * *

An hour later we're already walking out of the cafeteria, with Evan pressing a pack of ice on the side of his face that he managed to get from one of the lunch ladies.

The stinging pain of the slaps he had gotten was still healing, the redness of it all still prominent as he pressed the ice pack harder on his cheek as we walked down the halls.

"I think I have a cream you can borrow that can soothe the stinging if you'd like," I offered as Evan glanced over at me with a grateful smile on his face.

"That'd be great. Thanks, Carter," he said as he sighed at the feeling of the water droplets dribbling down on his face.

"This should serve as a reminder that you should think before you act. Like seriously, what were you thinking when you thought you'd approach your exes without preparing about what you were supposed to say to them?" Jess chastised as his friends nodded in agreement.

"Ugh, I don't know. I guess I was just too caught up in the moment." he explained, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time, though."

"What do you mean next time? Is there still a particular ex you haven't apologized to yet?" Jess remarked with a snicker.

But Evan didn't respond as he halted in his steps, making us all collectively stop along with him as he stared forward, the ice pack still on his face.

"Evan?" I called out "Are you okay?"

But he wasn't speaking, nudging his head forward to redirect our gaze "Yeah, it's just... there's still one specific ex indeed that I have to apologize to."

With that, we looked ahead to see a familiar face in the hallways as she rummaged through her locker, completely unaware of the people currently burning holes at the back of her head.

"Evan..." Jasper drawled as he tried to hold onto his best friend, as if to warn him "Whatever you're thinking right now, stop it."

"Remember what Jess just told you-" but Colin wasn't even able to stop Evan before he pried himself away from Jasper's hold, jogging towards said ex as we all watched in horror as Evan got closer and closer towards her.

Towards Mandy.

"That fucking idiot," Jess muttered underneath her breath as Evan continued to act on his foolishness, all of us being unable to move as we watched the entire scene go down.

"We should stop him," Colin spoke up as he tried to step forward "I don't even know what he's saying to her but I already know this shit isn't going to end well-"

But before any of us could even deter the upcoming disaster about to unfold, destiny decided that now is too late for retaliation.

Before any of us saw it coming, Robert Davis, also known as Mandy's overly-protective older brother came into view, shoving Evan into the lockers and out of Mandy's way as he started screaming at him as to why he was near her sister, to begin with.

"Oh no," I muttered to myself as I tried to make a sprint for it "Oh fucking no-"

But again, time was not on our side, and it really wasn't on Evan's either.

Because almost as if the amplitude of slaps Evan has received from his exes today weren't enough, Robert decided to take it up a notch as he threw a punch to Evan's jaw.

Causing him to stumble back as Mandy screeched at the commotion, trying to pull her brother away as we all dashed to Evan's defense.

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