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Carson waited in the main lobby for only about two minutes before he saw Josiah’s black car stop in front of the doors. When he had called his friend to come pick him up, the older boy had said he was already on his way. Carson hadn’t expected him to be that close to the office building already.

The brunet passed through the building’s doors and looked around briefly as he quickly crossed his way over to the car. Carson heard the lock release just before he got his fingers under the handle and pulled. He got the door open and easily slid into the passenger seat.

As the younger boy was putting his seatbelt on, Josiah watched him with a controlled smile on his face. He didn’t want to let his sadness show so easily. “How did it go?”

Carson turned to face his to look at his older friend. The nerves were racing through him. “Uhm, good. I guess.” Josiah started to drive away from the doors so the brunet said, “Can you find a spot to park in for a little while? I wanna...wanna talk to you for a little bit. Before we head home.”

Josiah raised his eyebrows as he stared out of the windshield, but he did as the younger guy asked. The next available parking spot was three rows back, sandwiched between a Suburban and a large pickup truck. He shut the car off and hesitantly looked at Carson. He wasn’t sure what his best friend was going to say, but he knew he had to get his feelings out first.

Talking to his mom made Josiah come to a decision. It was painful, but he knew it was necessary. If he didn’t want to lose Carson completely forever, then he had to just let him go a little bit for now.

Carson’s blood was rushing loudly through his ears, but he made himself say, “I’ve made up my mind.”

Unfortunately, at the same time, Josiah blurted out, “I have to tell you something.”

Both young men were surprised that the other had spoken. They froze and went silent for a couple seconds before they both broke out into some of the most comfortable smiles they had shared in the last few weeks. It almost felt like old times again.

“You go,” Carson said.

Josiah reached a hand up for whatever curls were closest. His smile waned and he said, “Okay, so I know things haven’t been going the way we expected them to the last few months. And even in just the last couple weeks I’ve been a bit pushy.”

The noirette stopped to take a breath, and he was worried he would fail himself and stop talking. Carson watched him with wary eyes. He wasn’t quite sure where Josiah was going with this, but it seemed to be the opposite of what Carson was planning on saying.

Josiah licked his bottom lip very briefly before continuing with, “So I wanna make sure you know I understand why you’ve been ignoring me. I realize it’s wrong and that I’m probably overwhelming you and freaking you out and all of that shit...so, yeah. I guess this is just me saying I’ll back off. And I’m sorry for upsetting you and making you feel guilty or whatever. That’s not what I wanted to do. I just wanted to make you happy.”

Carson’s indigo eyes went wide. Oh yeah. This was definitely not what he was going for with this conversation. He almost felt a little bit frustrated at this point. No, he was feeling incredibly exasperated. For so long it had been Carson pining for Josiah. Then for a while it was Josiah being the one hoping they could be something while the brunet turned him down. And now, after just one afternoon spent apart, things had completely flip-flopped all over again.

But as Carson watched his friend’s face and body language, he saw right through it. Josiah didn’t mean the things he had just said. He had only been saying them because he thought that was what his best friend wanted to hear.

Carson grinned slyly to himself. Without further hesitation, he just went on with it. “Kiss me,” he said evenly.

Josiah’s lips previously pursed lips parted in surprise as he turned to let his sage eyes gaze upon the younger boy at his side. His throat went dry and he accidentally pulled too sharply on his curls, making him wince before ignoring it and letting go of his hair completely.

“What did you say?”

Carson leaned in by a couple inches. There was still a good foot between them when the brunet stopped. Breathlessly, with a gleam in his blue eyes, he said, “Kiss me.”

Josiah was speechless. His jaw was slack and he was blinking rapidly in shock as he stared at his best friend. He couldn’t wrap his mind around what the brunet had just said.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Josiah barely choked out. His eyes were nearly popping out of his head as he stared at Carson in disbelief.

Carson bit his lip as his grin widened. Then he said, “Quit being such a girl. Just kiss me.”

The twenty-one year old’s face lost a bit of its surprise. His expression hardened a little as he focused in on Carson’s behaviour. He momentarily mulled over the brunet’s request and tried to figure out if it was a good idea to go through with it or not.

Of course it’s not a good idea, he thought. But he leaned forward and carded his fingers in the younger boy’s hair at the back of his head. His breathing was ragged and he watched as his best friend seemed to freeze in anticipation.

“Fuck it,” Josiah whispered, the words rushed and careless.

Then his hand tugged Carson further towards him and their lips were crushed together. There was absolutely no hesitancy from either of the boys. Hands were fisted into each other’s hair and t-shirts. Their lips were sloppy and fast. It was uncoordinated and even a little bit awkward trying to kiss over the centre console, but nothing mattered.

Nothing mattered to either of them except the fact that they were kissing. The feelings and passion and, from Josiah’s side, love were fueling them the whole way. The kiss may have been messy, but the emotions were real. They were real.

They both wanted--no, needed--this. And it wasn’t the fear of being lonely that made them want each other so badly. It was the desperation that Josiah had never loved someone more than he did Carson, and in turn Carson had never felt more safe with anyone else before. They were to that point where they couldn’t fathom being without each other because their bond and connection was just that strong.

Carson broke the kiss after a few minutes by turning his head to the side slightly. He was gasping for breath and Josiah started to kiss down the boy’s cheek and then he nibbled at the brunet’s jaw. Carson’s eyes popped open as he let out a tiny noise of approval in the back of his throat thanks to his friend’s teeth on his skin.

Blue eyes went wide when their owner glanced out of the windshield. The brunet used his hands that were on Josiah and firmly pushed him away so their faces were no longer in contact.

“What?” Josiah asked, voice raised in alarm.

The darker boy followed Carson’s gaze and his cheeks darkened with an embarrassed flush. Carson was fidgeting as a woman ushering three young children passed their car gave them a glare sent straight from the Devil himself.

Carson tried to smile apologetically at the woman. He realized the window on his side of the car was almost all the way opened. Awkwardly, he said, “I’m so sorry, ma’am.”

The woman shook her head in disapproval and tried to cover her children’s eyes. She dragged them away and called over her shoulder, “You shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff out here, gay or not.”

Carson winced and he knew it was true. Making out in public was sort of cringe-worthy. He had never enjoyed looking at other couples practically get it on in public. He didn’t want to be that kind of person.

“Right,” the brunet called weakly after the woman. “Sorry.”

Josiah, who had been holding his breath in mortification, sighed deeply and dropped his head down to rest on Carson’s shoulder. The younger boy started to shake and Josiah worriedly turned his blushing face up to look at him.

When Josiah saw that Carson was actually laughing, he slumped in relief. He thought Carson might have been regretting what they had just done--not because it was in public, but because they did it at all.

The brunet was chuckling and his heart melted when he felt Josiah lean into him with all of his body weight. Carson reached a hand around to sift into the older boy’s little black curls and pull him tighter to him. He was laughing because he was just relieved that the two of them finally gave into their desires. And being caught like that had actually been a bit comical.

“God, I love you,” Josiah murmured into his friend’s shirt. It was quiet, but he knew Carson heard him. To his surprise, it wasn’t the younger boy who tensed up, it was him. “Do you hate when I say that now? Because it means more, I mean...”

Carson sighed and shook his head. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his cheek into the top of his friend’s head. “No, I don’t,” he said honestly. “I just don’t want you to feel bad because I can’t say it back with the same meaning yet. But if you give me time, I will be able to.”

“Time,” Josiah uttered quietly, testing out the word. His eyes widened slightly. “Does this mean that we’re...?”

The brunet bit his lip and nodded. “It’s so wrong, Joe. But I do love you and I wanna be with you. If you want to...we can try to make it work.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Josiah exclaimed.

He pulled out of Carson’s embrace and put his lips back onto the twenty year old’s. He didn’t know how, but in the two minutes since they had stopped making out, he had already begun to miss the feel of Carson’s soft lips on his.

Groaning, Carson pulled away. “We can’t do this here, Joe.”

Josiah put a pout on his lips that made the brunet lean in and give him one last peck. The sage-eyed boy smirked. “Okay, let’s go. I need to get you home so badly. It’s killing me how strongly I need to keep kissing you.”

Carson blushed but couldn’t keep the beaming grin off of his face. “Alright. Start the car.”

The twenty-one year old did just that and then he started to pull out of the parking spot. When they were pulling onto the street, Josiah finally remembered something that he shouldn’t have forgotten in the first place.

Nervously, the older boy said, “What about Ayden, then?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carson tense. “We’ll visit her in few days.”

Josiah bit his lip. “That’s not what I meant...”

“I know,” Carson mumbled slightly irritably. “Okay, I know you can’t break up with her the way she is. I can’t even believe I’m saying this. I sound so heartless.”

“Hey, I’m just as much at fault.”

The brunet nodded. “I guess. But anyway, you have to be sure about this, Joe. Things are bad enough. If you don’t think you can commit, then I don’t think I can either.”

“No,” Josiah said firmly. “I want to do this. I’ve thought about it so much. I want you. Sure, it’s wrong, but it’s what it is. Plain and simple. I see it this way. I can’t say I’ll stay with Ayd until she...dies, because that’s a fucking sick thought. And I don’t even want to believe that she will--or could. But I can’t just let you get away, Car. I’ll be a mess.” The older boy tightened his hands on the steering wheel. “Plus, even if she wakes up--whether it’s tomorrow or next year--I’ll never be able to get you out of my head. I can’t go back to her no matter what. It’s you or nothing.”

Carson stared at Josiah while he spoke. He was trying to be objective about the things his best friend was saying. He wanted to understand them and accept them. So he took a moment after Josiah was done to just think it through. And finally he nodded. Then he reached across the car and put his hand over the one of Josiah’s that was resting on his thigh.

Josiah glanced up in time to see Carson nod. A determined expression along with a smile, was on the younger boy’s lips. Then the brunet said, “Alright. I get that. Now, let’s get home.”

And when Josiah’s face broke into a grin brighter than ever, neither of them could make themselves feel bad about their decision.

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