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UNEDITED How long has it been we've had A filler chapter? Well it's about time, it will be really nice for you guys not to want to kill me by the end of a chapter.So enjoy the chapter in which literally nothing happens.

This is THE WORST CHAPTER IN THIS BOOK

There is a point where your life gets so ridiculous that it becomes almost unbelievable.

I was at that point right now as I stare at my sister from my spot on the floor gape mouthed.

No. Just no.

This was so not happening.

"You know you don't have to look at me like the grinch on Christmas, sis." She says lightly stepping over me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I say my eyes narrowing. Well on the bright side I wasn't depressed or mad anymore, I was just flat out furious.

"It is my house too, you know?" She says and I finally get to my feet. I'm almost tempted to poke her to make sure she's real and not some apparation of my tired brain.

"Close your mouth sis." She says,"I know you're in awe at my presence but there's no need to show it. It's a terrible look on you."

Forget poke, let me just slap her and see if she's real or not. Oh wait a second she's all fake.

"Why are you back Michella?" I ask again.

"Because I want to be." She says her eyes narrowing and then she takes a step forward and another so that she's just a few inches away from me, towering over me with her heels.

"You want a lot of things Michella." I reply,"Doesn't necessarily mean you'll get them."

She raises an eyebrow,"You've become even a bigger bitch than last time."

I laugh bitterly,"Right now I'd probably give you a run for your money. But I'm not interested. So get out of my way, I'm exhausted."

In the past few months if possible I'd become worse than Michella.

No, that wasn't possible. Michella was just a whole new level of bitchy.

But then again I was the bonus round of bitchy.

She steps out of my way and looks me up and down,"Why you look worse than usual."

I want to slap the living daylights out of her, kick and scream take out all my anger frustration and despair on the one person in this town apart from me who actually deserves it but I instead I simply go up the stairs and slam my bedroom door hoping that when I next came down I would realise that she was just a bad dream.

________________

She wasn't.

I had honestly thought that when I woke up the next morning Michella would have disappeared without a trace and I would convince myself that she was a bad dream.

And yet when I came down she was sprawled in front of the TV munching on popcorn watching Greys Anatomy.

I stopped on my tracks.

There were many many things wrong with that scene.

First of all in all the years she had lived here I had never ever seen her actually in the living room on a Sunday morning. She always was out partying the previous night which meant either she was getting over her hangover in her room or at some friends house or already at the mall.

Second of all Michella didn't eat popcorn. To be honest Michella was the biggest health freak out there, take it from me the person who was always put on grocery duty.

And thirdly Michella Wilson would never ever be caught dead coming back to this house after she finally escaped this god forsaken town.

And yet there she was siting and watching television, almost looking normal. Obviously her make up was completely done up and she was wearing her mini skirt and heels at home but still it was a sight to marvel at.

Or preferably question your sanity as to if you were certifiably going crazy or not.

"Hi sweetheart." My grandma called from the kitchen and I reluctantly turned my head towards her,"Had a good nights sleep?"

Nope. It was terrible. I barely slept at all feeling a mix of nauseous and dizzy, constantly tossing and turning.

I was even more unsteady on my feet now and I was tripping over seemingly everything and nothing.

"I slept perfectly." I say giving her a smile and settling into the seat next to the kitchen counter where she sat with today's newspaper.

There was no point in worrying her over something that was probably stupid. I hadn't been eating a whole lot and the fact that the last two days had seemingly been the worst days of my entire existence I was probably a little stressed.

A little stressed.

Yeah sure why not let's call it little stressed.

My grandma nods seemingly happy with my response and goes back to reading the paper. I look at her unsurely and then glance at Michella who is on the couch.

"Umm grandma." I clear my throat,"This may seem strange but do you see Michella currently siting on the couch?"

She looks up to me confused for a second and then breaks int a grin,"Yes sweetheart I'm so sorry I forgot to tell to you she was back. I thought you'd met her yesterday when you came back?"

I nod and dig into my pancakes, although my appetite wasn't at its peak, they were still pancakes.

"Do you want to go the hospital today?" My grandma asks and immediately my stomach is thrown into knots.

I wanted to see Jake again, but I was too scared because Jake was leaving and instead of pulling myself out everytime I saw him I fell deeper and if I don't pull myself out of this hole I was falling into soon enough, I would definitely shatter on impact.

"No." I say,"I'm not going to go today."

My grandmother gives me a curious look but in turn nods standing up, "I'll be upstairs reading, I feel like having a quiet day in. You'll call me if you need me?"

I nod and turn to glance at Michella who was eying my grandmother and biting her lip deep in thought.

Her gaze then turned towards me and she rolled her eyes and went back to watching Greys Anatomy.

It was absolutely fantastic to have her back.

______________________________

"Book shopping?" I raise an eyebrow when Rebecca calls me,"When the hell did you go start to go book shopping?"

"Well ever since I ran out of cheesy romance novels to read." She responds.

"And what do you need me for?" I already know why she's doing it to give me an out from everything I've been going through but at the back of my mind I can't let go of the fact that I have to talk to Alec.

For the past few hours I've gone through endless amount of maths sums, to staring and my phone to simply throwing things and round because I was so angry and trout seemingly everything.

"I need advice as to which looks the cheesiest, most clichèst novel ever." She says.

"Oh well that's easy." I say,"Buy the book based on my life."

She laughs.

"Although spoiler alert the ending would probably be something along the lines that I end up alone because I realise I'm allergic to cats."

She laughs through the phone and says,"We'll see, now will you please come down already , I'm waiting."

"You're already here?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah well duh!" She says,"It's cute you thought I was actually asking wether you wanted to come or not. You have no choice."

I roll my eyes and quickly put on a pair of jeans and a plain white top. I grab my cardigan and run down hoping that I wasn't going to encounter Michella.

I was wrong.

Well I didn't exactly encounter her, I more like heard her.

"You're going to have to tell her at some point." She was saying,"She's going to hate you for keeping this from her."

I don't hear a response so I assume she's on the phone. I probably would have been more curious as to who she's talking to and what about but at that moment I didn't give a damn.

I open the door and shut it behind me and run to Rebecca's car, or her parents car more accurately which is parked right in front of my driveway, with her in the drivers seat looking furiously at her phone.

I'm about to shout out to her but I hear the door behind me swing open so I stop and turn around.

Michella is standing there, her hair perfectly bunched up in a high ponytail her bright blue eyes staring down at me wearily.

Looking at her I remember how jealous I used to be of that bright blue colour. I'd always gotten the dreary eyes, not quite blue, not quite grey.

Took you four years to figure out what my favourite colour was, huh?

I smile. I remembered the days when Michella had been dating Alec just how much I wanted to be her. To be that smart, to be that pretty, just to be her.

And now staring at her, I realised I had become her in a way, just not the way I had wanted to be because in all the ways that really counted I was always better than her.

Too bad after it's only after I had screwed up that part of me that I realised it.

I was playing with two boys and I was being a complete bitch. I had completely trampled on my friendship with one of my best friends again over a boy.

And I was done being that girl. I'm done being this despicable character who can't let go.

I'm going to let them both go. I'm giving this up.

"Yes?" I ask her and she's staring at me cautiously as if she expects me to say something to her.

It occurs to me then that she probably thinks I've heard her oh so important conversation.

"I didn't hear anything." I say answering her questioning look,"I don't care whose life you're planning to ruin, just remember if it's mine, I'm going to make sure that I bury you to the ground."

She raises an eyebrow as if she's amused,"And how do you plan on doing that?"

I smile,"I'll find a way."

Her gaze slips past me to Rebecca and she smirks,"So you're still hanging around with your riff raff best friends huh?"

"This fight is between you and me." I say,"I don't why you're back but you're going to stay away from my friends."

"What about your two boyfriends?"

If looks could kill I Michella would have been dead already.

"I'm not you." I say,"I don't have two boyfriends at the same time."

I sit on a throne of lies.

Eh, I've done things worse than lying.

"Keep telling yourself that." She says,"Besides I'm not interested. I'm known to give my used toys to the less fortunate."

The nerve of this bitch.

"Well good for you, you actually managed to score at least two boys who you don't deserve." I say,"Because otherwise, let's face it, I have shoes with heels higher than your standards."

I'm about to turn around but I stop," Oh did I forget to mention I only own flats?"

The glare she gives me is so deadly that even medusa would have turned to stone.

Once again her gaze lands on Rebecca and she smirks,"I think you should go to your friend, sis. I'd be careful you have so few friends anyway."

I smirk,"Well sis. At least my best friend is a real person, Tell the pole in the nearest strip club I said hi, won't you?"

Clara-2

Michella-1

And with that I turn around smiling making my way towards Rebecca who had completely forgotten her phone and was currently staring at Michella and I, her eyes wide as saucers.

I open the passenger side door and hop in.

"Was that-"

"Michella?" I finish,"Who else?"

"W-why?"

I'm still smiling,"Who cares?"

Rebecca looks at me raising an eyebrow,"Why are you smiling so much?"

"Because I forgot how good it felt being a bitch when the other party actually deserves it."

I stop for a second before looking over to Alec's house for a second.

"That and the fact that it's nice to be around someone whose even more despicable than I am."

____________

"You know if you really want to see someone with relationships more screwed up than yours we can always go watch fifty shades of grey."

"Ugh." I say,"That's by far the worst suggestion you've given."

We were just walking around the mall after Rebecca had gone and picked up a years worth of cheesy novels.

"I know." She says,"I've already seen it. Jeremy slowly died while seeing that movie, I swear."

I stop,"What? You actually saw it? With him."

"I had my eyes closed for most of it and I made us leave after the first few scenes. But at least that proves Jeremy's undying love for me." She says,"Who wants a guy to follow you to the ends of the earth when he can take it one step further and follow you to see a fifty shades movie."

I shake my head.

Only Rebecca.

My heart does sink when I hear Jeremy's name but she looks so happy as she says it I can't get myself to regret not telling her.

Besides if he stepped even an inch out of line, I would dig his grave right beside Michella's.

"He makes you happy doesn't he?" I ask her and she nods.

"He does." She says,"It sounds cheesy and all but it's true, he does make me really happy and I love him."

"You know what I love?" I say changing the topic,"Coffee."

"I can name two other things that you love." She says.

"Kit Kats and Nutella?" I ask hopefully.

She gives me a look.

"Well sorry." I say,"You said things I got confused."

She gives me another look.

"Do we have to talk about this?" I ask.

"No." She says slowly,"But I think it will help."

I pause for a moment regarding what she had said. I had been doing do well until now, being happy carefree and light, like normal likeable people were.

I didn't want to become a whiny mess again.

I just didn't.

But I couldn't lock it all away and keep it there forever.

"Well for starters let begin at how I'm a complete bitch." I say,"I'm playing with the lives of two boys just because I'm too selfish to let either of them go."

I pause for a second,"I've decided it's time to end things with Alec."

Rebecca stopped so dramatically that it looked like she had literally frozen in mid-step.

"You're doing what?" She seems so shocked it's almost comical.

I shrug,"He's going to do it anyways, I'm going to make it easier for him. The only thing that's probably holding him back is that he's too nice to say it to my face."

I know Alec won't tell Jake. He won't tell Jake anything because he wasn't that kind of person.

"Nice to say it you your face?" She says looking incredulous as of I've said something totally stupid,"You should kick him in the face more like it - and how do you know?"

"Huh? Know what?"

Her expression freezes. She looks like she's a deer caught in headlights.

"What are you talking about?" She asks.

"The fact that Alec has almost completely broken up with me because I cheated on him with Jake. I kissed Jake. Okay I kissed him twice but he already hates me so much that he can barely look me in the eye- which basically tells me that he's going to end things."

I almost bite my tongue whilst rambling utter nonsense at supersonic speed but Rebecca had always been well versed with my ramblings and she says a soft,"Oh."

She looks ahead thoughtfully and then says,"I mean how do you know that he doesn't want to be with you? Has he actually said so out loud?"

I look at her confused. Her sudden mood swing had left me stunned but I let it slip.

She was hiding something, but then again I was hiding a whole lot of things so I wasn't one to judge.

But to be honest I didn't want to find out. I had learnt from my own personal experience that curiosity does not just kill the cat, it totally destroys it.

I sometimes just wished that the day Spencer had come and taken me to the club to tell me about Jake I had just gone back up to the awkward Christmas dinner and back to Alec.

Then I would never find out the mess Jake had gotten himself into, I would have never found out about Conrad Henderson and I would have chosen Alec and lived happily ever after.

That one mistake had cost me so much and yet I knew that even though it was a mistake I would do it all over again even with a wish.

Because Jake was worth all of it in the end. He was worth the heartbreak.

"Earth to Clara?" Rebecca waves her hand in front of me.

"Huh?" I say dazed and she gives me a what do I do with you look:

"I was asking why you think Alec is breaking up with you?"

"For starters he can't look me in the-"

"Yeah, yeah." She waves me off,"That can be because of a number of reasons."

"There is the fact that he asked for a time out and this what he said, Just because you can't figure out your feelings stop fucking with mine." I sigh,"And since it doesn't seem like I'll ever be able to figure out my feelings I've decided to stop fucking with his."

Rebecca looks like she's going to kill someone but once again she recovers quickly.

"So you've finally decided?" She asks,"You're choosing Jake."

She doesn't add the word again.

"There is no choice Jake is leaving, he's made it very clear that this is it for us."

She looks at me flabbergasted,"B-But you love him and you're breaking up with-"

"We have a lot more going on than my feelings for Alec." I deadpan,"And I'm not choosing anyone I'm letting them do whatever they want."

"No wait." She says,"So basically you're giving Alec a chance- and letting Jake go- god Clara what are you doing?"

"This is becoming ridiculous." She continues,"You're just siting there and crossing your fingers hoping that everything sorts itself out."

"Nope." I say,"I'm just siting there and watch everything fall apart because I don't have it in me to try to fix this mess, mostly because I can't."

"Of course you can!" She says,"You're telling Alec that you're not in love with him and you're choosing Jake. You tell Jake to stay and-"

"I'm still in love with-"

"Stop lying!" She yells and then takes a deep breath in.

"It's at the the tip of your tongue Clara." She says,"You know it. You're trying to make a choice between a guy you're supposed to be with and a boy you are meant to be with-"

"It doesn't matter." I yell,"I've lost both of them. Alec hates me and Jake is leaving."

"He's only leaving because he thinks you're in love with Alec. If you just tell him-"

"No, he's leaving because he's in love with me." I say,"he's leaving me because he knows that if he stays I will-"

I break off shutting my eyes,"I lost him Bex and I have to come to terms with the fact that we are over and he's-"

"Clara I don't know if you saw yourself yesterday." She says slowly,"I know you think you're this broken toy who can't do anything. But you're the strongest person I've ever met. You took all of Natalie's shit, you took your sisters shit and you stood right by Alec's side helping him every time he fucked up. I don't know how you did it Clara, but you never broke. You stood there, taking it all."

"You were like that for years Clara. You were indifferent and unattached." She says,"You just stood in your own little bubble."

"And then Jake came." She says,"And do you know the first time I saw that indifferent shell of yours crack. You were mad, you were excited and you were happy."

"Those years before I knew you, you were a robot, Clara."she says,"You would behave normally with us, but all your laughs and smiles were this half assed attempt that you used to put up trying to convince yourself that yeah, you could smile that you could show some sort of emotion. The only time you smiled was when you talked about Alec."

"And that's why I had always pushed you towards him and then when...." She takes a deep breath,"When Jake came Clara you laughed. You actually laughed. Not the shit nervous laugh or snort you usually put on. I was so stunned. And I knew from that point that he was it for you and I knew somewhere you knew it to, that you were over Alec. Jake is endgame and Clara you know it."

"Alec Evans makes you smile but Jake Henderson makes you laugh." She says.

"And ever since he came you've become a person, not the shell who is so used to getting hurt that you've completely detached yourself." She says," I saw that in the kiss you had with Jake in the cafeteria, the one you couldn't pull away."

"I saw the way he smiled at you and the way every time you looked at him, you just couldn't look away." She says,"You still can't."

"Alec slept with Michella, he slept with Natalie and sure you felt bad but it was the kind where you just blindly accepted it. That it was okay because you never had a chance, that it was okay for him to do it. Because in the end he belonged with you because you knew him best. I always wondered why you weren't angrier after all you did everything for him and all he did was look over you. I convinced myself that you were like that but that day when you thought that Jake liked Ashley, you lost it."

"You were angry and you were mad because for once you were honest to god jealous." She says,"He made you go from Clara Wilson who was the quiet girl in the corner who no one noticed to the girl no one could ignore."

"You're in love with him Clara because only when you're with him I've seen you love yourself." She says,"You became this girl who didn't back down from Natalie anymore and the girl who was funny, smart not this awkward shadow in the corner who thought that all there was to her was being in love with the guy next door."

She stops staring at me and I'm gripping my cup so tight that my knuckles are white.

"And in New York. Clara you were so in love with him." She says,"He was so in love with you. I could see it when he came to us to ask what you wanted for Christmas. You were so damn happy Clara."

"And then the day of the wedding Alec came to our room and he kissed you in the hall and you just stood there staring after him when he had left and you'd said-"

"Rebecca please stop."

"Clara you need to hear this." She says,"You need to realise that if you don't fight for yourself and Jake then-"

I think I'm shaking now.

She looks at me determinedly,"After Alec kissed you, you said that you'd made your choice long back. Sam told me that she thought you would choose Alec but I knew even as you said it that you had chosen Jake because Clara you love Alec but you're so in love with Jake that you can't-"

"Please stop."

"No you need to listen to this." She says,"You need to hear what you've been screaming to everyone else around you but refusing to hear yourself."

I slam my hand on the table,"You were the one who have me the damn orchard when-"

"Yes I gave you the damn flower Clara." She says,"Alec makes you happy and I thought if that was the way to bring you back over this recluse of a person you had become then so be it. But the next day when Jake came back, you got that spark back Clara."

"You hated him." She agrees,"But you were you again."

"Stop." I warn but she doesn't.

"I'm your friend and I'm trying to tell you the truth. you're so dead set on the fact that being in love with Alec is a big part of being Clara Wilson,"She says,"With him you're this ignorant version of yourself who is willing to look over all his mistakes because you think that you're nothing if you're not in love with the guy next door."

"And I can't let you look over Jake because I saw you yesterday." She says,"I saw how you were without him and you're my closest friend and I lost you yesterday. When I told you about Jake you went blank. Absolutely blank. And it scared the shit out of me because you just stood there in front of me not saying a word and that second any sign of my friend actually behind that emotionlessness was gone."

"Please stop."

"You're in love with him, not Alec, you have feelings for Alec sure but the way you love Jake and the way he loves you, it's the kind almost no one ever finds." She says,"And you stupid stupid girl are just sitting here letting him slip through your hands."

I slam my palms into the table, I'm furious and absolutely mad because she's right.

I know she's right. But I can't get myself to admit it out loud. Because it seems ludicrous, the truth when put out in front of me seems absolutely flipping stupid.

Alec Evans is perfect. I'm supposed to choose him.

"What exactly are you trying to say?" I say narrowing my

"That right now you're breaking up with Alec as a mechanism hoping that he's going to forgive you." She says,"Because you've resigned-"

"I'm not breaking up with him I'm giving him a out because he deserves-"

"I don't know why this so hard Clara." She says,"You had already made your choice back in New York-"

"That was different." I persist.

"How so?" She challenges,"If you had a choice now would you take it back?"

I stare at her. Would I take it back?

If I took it back then I wouldn't be in this mess right now. I would-

But then Jake would be in that car with his father and he would have- the very thought makes me sick and it's worse after I realised yesterday if anything ever happened to him just far I would crumble.

My silence tells her enough,"Clara, don't get me-"

"I could do a lot worse than Alec." I say cutting her off,"And I don't know why you've started to hate him."

"But you can't literally do any better than Jake Henderson and you know it." She says,"I can see it in your eyes every time he walks out of the room, that you're afraid that he will never come back and you'll never feel the way you do around him again."

"I-I can't let him stay." I say," you don't understand-And he won't stay not when he-"

"He's putty in your hands Clara." She says,"He's in love with you Clara, he'd do anything for you I've seen it."

The way she says it with the type of conviction I feel that she's speaking from experience, although I can't imagine how.

I take a deep breath.

"He's leaving because he has to Rebecca." I say softly, "And he can't stay because he thinks he's doing it for me. It's over for us."

She looks at me silently opening her mouth and then closing it again. I've never had to roll her but she knew that Jake was involved in in a lot more than I let on.

She'd seen not only seen the bruises but she'd him fight and she knew that no ordinary rich boy would be able to throw the punches and kicks he could.

But she knew better than to ask things she knew I wouldn't tell her.

She finally clears her throat,"And do you? Do you think he's doing it for you?"

I take a breath in,"Yeah I think so, but I think it's better for him too."

She looks at me silently,"Is there no way you can get him to stay?"

"If you he loves me quarter as much as you think he does, no." I say.

"And the New York thing." She says carefully,"When he left you did he-"

"Yeah he did it for me."

"But you're planning to attend MIT and he's coming back for finals-"

My expression must have said enough because she shuts up. Maybe she finally got why I was begging her to stop. Begging her from telling me the truth that somewhere I knew because no matter what I tried I wouldn't be able to change the fact that he was leaving.

"You're not going to just give up are you?" She asks tensely,"After all you're ending things with Alec-"

"It doesn't mean anything except that he doesn't deserve a girl who is in love with another boy at the same time."

And I can see the sudden realistion in her expression that she knows that I've already given up. I've given up on Alec, I've given up on Jake and I've given up on myself.

_____________________

Before I can even think of changing my mind I open the door to the Mercedes and slide in.

Michella stares at me with her eyebrows raised,"And just what do you think you're doing?"

It had been two hours since I had come back, my good mood of putting Michella in her place completely gone.

Rebecca looked like she wanted to say more but she knew better to push it. After her speech my mind went completely and painfully blank and in the car ride home all I could think of was how I was going to tell Alec the carefully prepared speech I had planned out.

I'd barely mumbles two words goodbye to Rebecca before running back up to my room.

I saw the light in his room switched on immediately from my window and froze. I don't know what he was doing in his old house, considering it would be a much wiser option staying in the other far larger house on the other side where his parents were.

It would have been so easy, to tell him to come to the window and tell him that he didn't need to do this anymore with me, that he could walk away and never talk to me but I stood frozen.

And then I had found my out of my inevitable confrontation with him.

Michella was going to a party and that meant exactly one thing do me.

Alcohol.

Liquid courage.

That was the only way I was ever going to get myself to talk to him.

And that's how landed up in Michella's car.

I lean back against the seat and shrug,"Going to a party. I would take my own car but I don't expect to be sober."

"And what if I tell you to get the hell out and rain all over your pretty little plans?" She asks.

"Well for starters I'm not going to listen to you." I say,"And we both know you're not one to pass up a party so do us both a favour and just drive Michella."

"Good girl Clara Wilson coming to a party to get drunk." She says,"What happened to you baby sis?"

"That's exactly what happened." I mutter closing my eyes,"I finally became your sister."

"Well that's all well and good but I think you're mistaken I still have a reputation to keep." She says,"And-"

"I don't know if you've heard Michella but I'm the new queen bitch in town." I say,"You're so two years ago it stopped being funny. We can do this now aimlessly argue or go to that damn party and forget that we are actually related to each other, I don't know why the fuck you're here and I don't care, so just drive the damn car."

And surprisingly that's exactly what she did.

_____________

"My my who do we have here?"

Michella cracked a grin,"I'm back for the next month didn't you hear?"

"And we are all the more glad for it." It doesn't take much for me to recognise Peter Dennings the has been of our school, he used to be a senior around the time when I was a freshman. He was once upon a time part of the it crowd, but now all he did was enjoy his community college years throwing parties and resigning himself to the fact that all he was ever going to do with his life was manage his dad's hardware store.

"And who is this?" He makes no effort to hide that he's checking me out and all I want to do is punch him.

"She's my baby sister Peter." Michella stepped in.

"Damn." Peter says looking me up and down,"You're Clara Wilson?"

I raise an eyebrow not sure as to how to answer the fact that I was indeed myself but Michella beats me to it,"Well no shit. Now I need to start partying if you would just get out of my way."

"Aren't you going to give me the of you dare touch my sister speech?" He asks and Michella shakes her head.

"Do whatever you want."

And then she disappears.

"Are you going to let me in?" I drawl,"Or stand there staring at me as if you've never seen anyone from the opposite gender before?"

His mouth falls and he unsurely steps aside.

Frat parties. I was at a frat party to get drunk.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

But I was beyond caring, I needed to get drunk and just stop thinking.

Then talking to Alec and telling him that it would be totally fine if we never talked to each other because I was a raging bitch and he deserved better, would be far easier and for all you know I would be able to deliver the whole damn speech without bursting into tears.

____

"Clara?"

"How did you guess?" I shriek delightedly into the phone.

"The caller ID." Jake deadpans.

"Oooh that's awesome." I giggle,"It's so awesome you have my number- Everything is so totally fucking awesome."

"Clara, what are you doing."

It's not a question but a statement.His voice isn't even close to be fun or teasing it's just all grumpy.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." I say and then grin,"Hey I just made a totally kickass and appropriate Harry Potter reference. Remember when we used to talk about Harry potter in camp? It was soo much fun. Alec and I used to love it too but then after a while everything became about his girlfriends, his ex girlfriends and the fact that I couldn't put two words out of my stupid mouth because I was soo in love with him and he soo wasn't. Turns out now that he does love me after all and I can think about is you and how I love him but I love you."

I start giggling,"Oops I did it again didn't I? I should invent a game how many times you have to say I love you to a boy before it just becomes absolutely pathetic."

"Clara get out of there and stop drinking. I don't know what you're-"

Damn should have drunk dialled Spencer or something. She'd be way more fun.

"Well I'm currently drunk dialling you dummy." I say,"And you're being a total killjoy and screwing with my mood just when I was going to tell you just how awesome everything in my life currently is."

"Clara where are you?"

"Somewhere." I say vaguely, to be perfectly honest I really didn't remember where I was.

This was a frat party.

But what-who cares?

"I don't how I became this, this hot mess." I continue ignoring his Jake,"I know Im a hot mess because guys have tried to be all over me all night and you know if I was normal and not such a mess then I may have enjoyed it too. It's actually nice getting hit on.But no. Just no. Because compared to you everyone looks like shit. I don't know if anyone has told you this Jake but it's totally unfair that you look so damn good. And you are so damn good. -and Alec like fuck it's like I got the two hottest boys on the planet and I fucked it up with both of them and now I'm going to die alone because no one can hold candle to either of you."

"So I've decided to date my good buddy- damn I don't know the beer companies name." I giggle,"Well anyway alcohol and I are going to become best friends."

"Where is Rebecca?" He asks,"Did she-"

"I can't be around Rebecca either because one stupid move on my part, all I do is stupid moves though and I'll ruin her relationship." I say," That and all she can tell me is how totally I'm in love with you . I hate her for that. I'm that much of an absolute bitch. I hate myself. You hate me. Alec hates me. Everybody hates me. Yay! I should get a title, Clara Wilson the most hated person on the planet and perhaps beyond."

"I don't hate you." He says softly and I snort.

"No you're leaving me." I say,"That's worse isn't it? And you know what's funny I was all ready to happily let you go because it's the right thing to do for everyone's sake but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of trying to do the right thing."

"So I'm going to down this entire bottle of alcohol, I'm not sure which number it is, does seven come before or after four? And then I'm going to tell Alec that I won't fuck with his feelings anymore, which is kind of ironic because he fucked with my feelings for my entire life. I mean seriously he's slept with my sister, Natalie and Samantha all of them before me. I'm seriously not going to be surprised if he goes after my mother next."

"Clara." His voice is dangerously low and I find myself drowning in my giggles.

"But not my grandmother." I say,"I love Alec and all but I have my limits to how many family members he can sleep with."

"Not like you're better. You probably haven't slept with that many people okay maybe that as not true but you haven't slept with that my best friend or Natalie atleast. but I'm going to tell you a secret you currently hold the title of breaking my heart so many times that I've lost count." I say still laughing.

"It's funny Alec has had so many years and he has broken my heart but in a matter of months you've snatched the damn title. Because Alec hurts me when he fucks up other people,while you, every look of yours with those green eyes of yours, everything you say to me, everything you do for me, it absolutely crushes me. I swear to all the gods out there that scientists will need an electron microscope to detect whatever is left of my heart."

"And yet I'm calling you." I say shaking my head and then taking a sip of my beer,"I'm not calling Alec because well obviously he's going to judge me. I'm not perfect anymore and he hates me for it. I still remember the look he have me when he came to get us from when he got arrested in New York, he was just so disappointed. And you know for some reason at that point it didn't matter. Maybe because somewhere deep inside I knew that I had you instead, and now I've lost both of you."

"Ha-Ha poor me." I say,"I'm whining over boy problems to one of the boys who happens to be the problem when there are other pressingissues such as world hunger and stuff."

"Clara." His voice is a forced kind of calm which tells me he's close to exploding,"You're going to put the beer down. You're going to go to a quieter place and you're going to call someone to pick you up."

"But that's the whole point of this isn't it?" I say,"I have no one. No one, zilch, nada. Nobody cares enough to actually come all the way here. Nobody cares about me. The most hated person also happens to be the most lonely person. Wooh freaking hoo."

My voice cracks in the end.

"Clara you know that's not true." He says,"I-"

"Don't say I care." I say,"I swear to god if you say that I will murder you in your sleep. Because you may care Jake, but you're leaving. You're not just leaving this shithole of a town but when you say you're leaving I know what you really mean is that you're leaving me."

"Clara-"

"Ooh lookie who is here." I say spotting Michella who had just entered the kitchen her eyes narrowed and focused on me,"It's my absolutely awesome and favourite sister of all times. She's such a jewel she literally told the guy at the doorway Pete or Pit? to feel free to do whatever he wanted with me."

Michella rolled her eyes as she stood in front of me her hands on her hips,"And who are you talking to?"

"Jake." I say,"He's being an absolute party pooper though."

"Clara do me a favour put me on speaker won't you?" Jake's voice is calculated and soft. He doesn't seem all to surprised by her being here which seems to bother me but I shrug.

"Kay."

I fumble around with my phone until I find the speaker button.

"Jake wants to talk to you." I mutter,"Just like everyone always does."

She smirks,"I'm here."

"You sound bitchy as ever." Jake's voice comes cool and clipped completely unlike the one he'd been using on me,"Since you happen to be nicer when you're drunk I'm going to make the assumption that you can drive her home."

"I'm not babysitting her for you." She says haughtily glancing up at me.

"I don't need a baby-" I start but Jake cuts me off.

"You're going to take her home Michella." He says,"And you're going to fucking do it now."

Michella's eyes narrow,"You mistake me for someone who cares Jake. She's the one who wanted to come here and she can do whatever the hell she wants. I've got to give it to you Jake you've done a real number on her, you've probably fucked her over more than any of us."

"You owe me." He says,"For a number of things, so you're going to get her home and I swear to god if there is even one scratch on her-"

"You make her sound like she's some kind of car of yours." Michella says,"oh well I suppose that's what you call her anyway."

I don't have time to contemplate as to how she knows what he used to call me camp because the next words that come out of my cell phone are enough to halt any form of thought,"Fine where are you I'm coming."

And for the first time in ever the Wilson sisters do something together.

"What?"

There were a number of things wrong with that sentence starting from the fact that when I had last seen him yesterday he had barely been able to move to another side of his bed.

But Jake was Jake and I knew that he wasn't kidding when he said he would find a way.

Yeah over my dead body.

"You're in the hospital." I start frantically, suddenly panic is enveloping me, that image of him lying-"No Jake don't you dare-"

"Fine you proved your point." Michella says,"I'll just call Alec to pick her up."

This time it's Jake and I who speak in unision,"Absolutely not."

Jake continues,"He's not driving her anywhere. Michella just get in the damn car and take her back home."

"I can find my own way home." I mutter finally catching on to the fact that they were talking about me,"I'm a big girl not some two year old-"

"Clara, please just go with her." He says softly,"Please."

And I stop. I just stop whatever I was going to say and I have no idea why.

"Okay." I say mindlessly.

"Oh how cute." Michella sneers,"But she got into this mess, she's old enough to get out of it. Unless of course.."

Jake sighs,"What do you want Michella?"

"An explanation."

"About what?" Jake asks.

Michella's eyes flitter towards me.

" I want an explanation as to how my dear naive little sister here knows all about your dealings with Spencer and Eric."

_________

AUTHORS NOTE:

This sucked. I know.

Clara:you are starting to sound like me.

Author: yeah I know you're crappy mood is totally killing mine too.

Michella: just like your grammar is killing everybody

Author:*groans* why is she back again?

Readers: We don't know you haven't told us anything yet.

Author: Kay cools I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. Crying over the fact that Sherlock season 4 is only coming at end December 2017 and the fact that the main character of this book is actually starting to annoy the shit out of me.

In fact everyone in this book is annoying the shit out of me. Would you guys really mind if I killed them all and introduced better characters?

Jake: There is literally no one better than me but since the author is feeling particularly murderous don't forget to comment,vote and tell us what you think.

Next update: no clue, because I'm seriously starting to contemplate the entire point of this book with such dumb main character.

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